1. JetBlackGT
    Offline

    JetBlackGT Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2013
    Messages:
    465
    Likes Received:
    158
    Location:
    Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, United States

    My coffee maker died.

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by JetBlackGT, Jan 4, 2014.

    There is no longer any reason to carry on.

    Yes. Lack of coffee has driven me over the edge. I'll be like a cartoon man, dragging himself across the desert. The mirage of a Starbucks, always just out of reach. This morning, I'll crawl myself over the threshold of K-Mart, on my hands and knees as the old, greeter lady walks over, hears my piteous moaning, bends down and says,

    "Coffee makers are right this way, hon."

    I will groan at her, my unintelligible gratitude, as I clutch my aching, thought-free head and whine my way to the various coffee makers on display. Obviously I will not be capable of making anything like a sensible decision, in my un-caffeinated state. I will jostle on the floor, with the other poor wretches who awoke to no coffee.

    I will need to rely on bold print and small-word statements that appear on the box, along the lines of: "THIS MAKES COFFEE FOR YOU!"

    In this morning's coffee maker competition finals, any coffee maker that says words like that ^ on the box, wins!

    Even the Russian judge will award it a 10/10 for sheer brilliance and grasp of the fundamentals of what this competition is all about. That coffee maker understands the true meaning of this advertising battle and transcends the petty "bitterness" between rivals.

    Will I clean the new coffee maker before making this morning's pot of nectar? Perhaps. Or possibly I will be drinking my first cup, with bits of shredded cardboard and Styrofoam packing peanuts, still in.

    When I say "Nothing tastes like that first cup of coffee." I will not necessarily be expounding on it's level of deliciousness.

    Oh God, my head.
     
  2. jannert
    Offline

    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2013
    Messages:
    7,792
    Likes Received:
    7,309
    Location:
    Scotland
    funny...!
     
    JetBlackGT likes this.
  3. Fitzroy Zeph
    Offline

    Fitzroy Zeph Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2013
    Messages:
    747
    Likes Received:
    269
    Location:
    Canada
    My coffee maker is fine but I ran out of coffee this morning and I am in a pissed mood.
     
    Cave Troll and JetBlackGT like this.
  4. JetBlackGT
    Offline

    JetBlackGT Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2013
    Messages:
    465
    Likes Received:
    158
    Location:
    Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, United States
    They were very understanding at K-Mart.

    When I told the checker why it was taking so long to figure out the credit card machine (why are some of the key pads SO DIFFERENT?!?!) she put her hand over her mouth as the woman behind me said "Oh my God, that's terrible. No coffee?"

    "All the lights [YAWN] came on but the hot plate never got hot. It's all just cold and dead." I said monosyllabically.

    They practically helped me to my car. I was in a pitiful state but I rallied!

    Now I'm back to "normal".
     
  5. mammamaia
    Offline

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2006
    Messages:
    19,316
    Likes Received:
    1,014
    Location:
    Coquille, Oregon
    consider it a sign from above and switch to green tea!
     
    JetBlackGT likes this.
  6. JetBlackGT
    Offline

    JetBlackGT Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2013
    Messages:
    465
    Likes Received:
    158
    Location:
    Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, United States
    Sometimes you say very worrying things. "Switch to green tea". Caffeine free? :-(

    That's just crazy talk.
     
  7. Cogito
    Offline

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 19, 2007
    Messages:
    35,935
    Likes Received:
    2,043
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    Considering this thread, and the middle line of your sig, maybe a vacation from caffeine might be worth a try, war nicht?
     
    JetBlackGT likes this.
  8. JetBlackGT
    Offline

    JetBlackGT Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2013
    Messages:
    465
    Likes Received:
    158
    Location:
    Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, United States
    My ex-girlfriend switched my coffee to decaf once, in order to prove that I wouldn't even notice. I could barely stay awake, at work and had a splitting headache all day.

    Suffice it to say, I noticed. :-(
     
  9. A.M.P.
    Offline

    A.M.P. People Buy My Books for the Bio Photo Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2013
    Messages:
    2,030
    Likes Received:
    1,129
    Location:
    A Place with no History
    The first two weeks from caffeine withdrawal are a queen bee.
    I usually do on vacation.
    Doesn't help my fiance works at Starbucks... and I have no self control when it comes to yummy beverages.
     
  10. Macaberz
    Offline

    Macaberz Pay it forward Contributor

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2012
    Messages:
    3,146
    Likes Received:
    297
    Location:
    Arnhem, The Netherlands
    My parents drink a lot of coffee (too). Without it, they turn into slouchers. My mother however recently cut her daily consumption of the black gold in half, and she doesn't have to rely on it as much now. Whenever we went on vacation and made a walk, say in the mountains of France, they needed a pitstop to get themselves some coffee or the whole expidition would be come a dreadful march. She no longer has headaches if she skips a cup now.

    The funny thing is that a coffee addiction is very easily countered. On average, the headaches take only a week before they are completely gone. That might sound like a long time, but compared to smoking, quiting coffee is a breeze.
     
    JetBlackGT likes this.
  11. Simon Butler
    Offline

    Simon Butler New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2014
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Australia
    I don't think I could write half as much without my coffee breaks...
    that's why there is always a backup plan... The old coffee machine ;) never throw it away until it dies
     
    JetBlackGT likes this.

Share This Page