Narrator Point Of View

Have u thought about going this route....
She set the vial aside and prayed she had gotten it right this time. She just knew that he had given her the Shape Shifting potion because she had done it so poorly last time around. It had to be his way of getting back at her for imagined offences.

Raising her hand she waited for him to make his way to her desk. He picked up the vial sniffed the contents and handed it to her.

“Drink it.” He demanded, as he handed it back to her.

Taking the small vial from his clammy hand she closed her eyes as he waved his wand at her face where her lips were once again replaced.
Taking a deep breath she pinched her nose with one hand and tipped the contents of the vial into her mouth. Swallowing she waited setting the vial down on the desk she started to feel dizzy, and as she began to transform first her skin erupting with thick, course, grey fur, then her face began to change, her nose elongating and her eyes going from green to yellow. Slowly her bones realigned themselves leaving her standing on all fours.

Professor Magnus stalked away angrily his jet black robes making snapping sounds in his wake, as he strode to his desk picking up a vial from the desk he turned and threw so it shattered at her feet with a big puff of smoke. Once again she was her self. But she could still recall the sensations the itch above her lip that had made it curl up and twitch, the acute hearing and the driving need to run away.

“Dismissed, Miss Pillai.” He said with a reluctant sigh.

She cleaned up her work area gathered her bag and waited for him to open the archway. The bricks vanished and she ran out of the class not wishing to linger even half a moment longer then she was required.

this is a diff charater from a diff chapter but maybe that will give u a bit of help.

 

I am so jealous of your character! I want to do a necropsy on a pigmy whale!

 

LOL oh you would love Tamari and Trinity Trin is the researcher Tam is the chick drinking the potion but I can't wait to see what you have
Love Wer- ppls

If you want to Autopsy a whale it is your story.... make it happen love you are only limited by your imagination!

 

I shut the door and headed for the kitchen, shedding backpack, keys, hat, and newspaper on the way. Hot, hot, it's _hot_ out there. The glasses were clean, the Perrier was cold, and Joe, for once, had refilled the ice tray. I dropped into a kitchen chair with a clinking, fizzing glass of bliss and drank it down, plus a refill, before I so much as considered thinking about Jane's problem.

IMO, this shows thoughts but doesn't need to use italics to describe them. (I'm against italics for thought, even when they're explicit thoughts as in "... it's _hot_ out there.")

ChickenFreak

 

If it were me, I would put thoughts into italics. When they're not like that in books, it totally confuses me...

 

Haha--thanks. My story takes place on the border between the US and Mexico, in the Sonora desert. So, no whales . I think my character inherited a recessive gene that was dormant for generations--that is why she is a wer-jaguar. I came up with the idea when I heard that the last jaguar in the US had died--so I had to make another one.

I really like the potion drinking scene. I love the suggestions of science gone wrong. Science seems like an important subject in your story. Science seems to be taking a back seat to anthropology in my story. I wonder if I should make her have a degree in anthro instead of biology? Though I love biology, that might help things make more sense. She isn't a particularly good biologist, anyway.

Here is my attempt at describing her transformation (not her first).

She headed towards a flower-bud shaped rock, and squeezed herself into the large crack in the middle of it. She pulled off her shoes then piled the rest of her clothing on top of them. She stood up and glanced around, then stuffed her undies beneath the folded blouse. If someone found her clothing, she would have more to worry about than them seeing her delicates, but it was habit. Habit gave her something solid to cling to, which was good. The night air felt pleasant on her hot skin. She took one last glance around, then knelt down and felt the familiar tingle as spotted fur erupted all over her body. The muscles in her jaws swelled to the size of her deltoids, and long powerful canines emerged between slick black lips. The darkness now appeared as bright as daylight, and she looked down at the familiar wonder of her enormous spotted paws.

The transformation was complete, and she leaped from the crevasse as an American jaguar. Under the moon, blue shadows waved in the desert chaparral, and the chaos of stars shone like sugar strewn across the violet sky. But, she saw no sign of the hunters.

Edit: This is my next version, where I tried to find her voice more--and to focus on what she would see/feel/think/remember:
She squeezed herself into the crack cutting through a large boulder. She pulled off her damp sneakers and piled the rest of her, strongly scented, clothing on top. The underwear, she shoved to the bottom of the pile. Though, if someone found it, or if a pack of curious desert cotton rats decided to drag her clothes off and use them for their bedding, she would have more to worry about than exposed delicates. She aired herself out for a few seconds--the night wind was so pleasant and dry-- then, she ducked out of the moonlight into the darkness. Her skin itched horribly. She resisted scratching it as bushy fur erupted over her body. Her body began expanding like a toy animal balloon being filled with air. The muscles in her jaws swelled to the size of deltoids, and long powerful canines emerged between sleek black lips. The shadow of the crevasse was bright as day now, and she looked down at enormous spotted paws. The transformation was complete. She leaped from the crevasse and landed in the bright desert landscape, an American jaguar.
Blue shadows waved in the desert chaparral, and the chaos of stars shone like sugar strewn across the violet sky. Tiny mammals darted between the shadows of bushes, and her ear swiveled at the distant frenzied call of the Ferruginous Pygmy Owl, which sort of sounded like a sugar-high kid in short lived possession of a loud whistle. But-- no sign of the hunters.
End of edit addition.

(the reason why the sky is violet is because I read that cats can differentiate between different shades of violet more than humans--so I thought the sky might look violeter).

I'm really not sure about the transformation--it seems like the character would notice the bones popping into place.. but how do you grow new teeth?

I named her Katherine, but I'm not stuck on it. She used to be named Margarita. I still want to adjust the POV more so that I can use the word "she" less. It feels to constrained and repetitive. If I gave her a stronger voice, I could drop the "she" more. People say to avoid using -ing words to start sentences, but that is one of the simpler ways to avoid the repetition of "she" or "I" in the beginning of sentences.

Chickenfreak: Your fictional drink of water sounds so much better than my actual drink of water. I really want to learn how to blend the thoughts, feelings, and opinions like that. Even though that's in 1st person it would sound as good in 3rd person.

 

I have heard the teeth deal done in a few ways, however for me the best was Anne Rice with her vamp teeth

 

I edited post #31 by adding my second version of the same section. I tried to see the world more through her eyes, and to imagine how she would explain things and what she would notice. I think the second one is better, but I still need to develop a stronger voice--or I need to let a stronger version of my character's voice come through.

Thanks for all your help, everyone!