1. Pandemonia

    Pandemonia Member

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2014
    Messages:
    65
    Likes Received:
    19
    Location:
    a box on the table

    need feedback about a potential storyline

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Pandemonia, Feb 11, 2014.

    here is an idea I've been playing with; would like some feedback. ...

    Awkward, overweight and shy, 16-year old Cindy seems destined to be one of high school's eternal victims. Bullied and alone, she finds refuge in frequenting online chat rooms where she can re-create a whole new identity for herself. during one of these times she makes friends with a fellow chatter who posts under the handle "Buddy". soon she is disclosing more and more about herself and her problems in school. but when her tormentors start dying in freak "accidents" she begins to suspect that her online friend might be closer than she thought.

    (no idea how to end it tho.)
     
  2. Thomas Kitchen

    Thomas Kitchen Proofreader in the Making Contributor

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2012
    Messages:
    1,248
    Likes Received:
    448
    Location:
    I'm Welsh - and proud!
    Right, I have two things to say, both on your idea, so bear with me.

    1.) Here comes a piece of advice that almost any writer will tell you: in the general sense, ideas don't matter. It's the execution that counts. You could have the "best" idea in the world for a story, but that doesn't mean anything unless it is written well. The same goes for "bad" ideas; if a successful and skillful writer were to be given a horrible clichéd storyline, I'm sure they could still work wonders with it. So, in the end, posting a story idea on this forum, or indeed anywhere, will be nigh on fruitless. This is your story; you tell it the way you want it to be told.

    2.) However, I am aware that this would be kinda sucky if this is all you gleaned from the thread, so I will comment on your idea. First of all, it seems nice and modern, with bullying/cyber-bullying/murder being the theme. I liked that you included murder, as I thought it was just going to be another 'how to solve bullying' sort of thing. However, you have put your own spin on it, which is an excellent thing to do. It reminds me a bit of an up-to-date Final Destination, actually.

    As for the ending, don't sweat it; there are plenty of authors who didn't know the ending to their novel until they were writing it - me included. For research, read books on cyber-bullying, murder in general, serial killing, and possibly police investigation, if you want to include scenes where the police are involved. You don't have to, of course, because it could clutter your book, but just have a think about it. Horror slashers and psychological horror films might also be a good idea to watch, as it will get you in that frame of mind, namely the "someone is stalking me, what on earth do I do?" sort of mind.

    So there you have it. There's now no need to post an idea thread again, because you know that an idea is what you make of it. :) In the end, if you're excited about your story, then others will be too, so it's okay! :cool:

    (Also, the more advice you hear, listen to, and throw away/keep depending on whether you agree with it or not, the more it's making you a better writer. You're shaping your own personal wisdom, if that makes sense. Now you're no longer a beginner, because you know more than that now. Just a cool thing to think about! :D)
     
  3. wade-newb

    wade-newb Member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2012
    Messages:
    57
    Likes Received:
    33
    Location:
    South Africa
    I'll be honest, I didn't like the sound of it, until the end. The unexpectedly dark element to an otherwise bland modern tale makes it something I would actually enjoy reading. The relationship postulated between Cindy and 'Buddy' sounds unique and strange -- why would he care about her so much to take the lives of her bullies? Sounds like a twisted character. His motivations would have to be strongly crafted to make his character believable, so keep that in mind if you decide to take this project forward.
     
  4. shadowwalker

    shadowwalker Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2011
    Messages:
    3,258
    Likes Received:
    847
    As Thomas said, ideas don't really mean much. Intriguing ideas turn to mush, trite ideas turn into masterpieces. Only the writer can determine if an idea will actually work.
     
  5. Wreybies

    Wreybies Thrice Retired Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 1, 2008
    Messages:
    23,826
    Likes Received:
    20,815
    Location:
    El Tembloroso Caribe
    One glaring connection I see that seems missing is why the killer starts killing? What's the motive?
     
  6. wade-newb

    wade-newb Member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2012
    Messages:
    57
    Likes Received:
    33
    Location:
    South Africa
    What I assumed is that Cindy might have been telling her internet friend about her bullying problem, which may have led to him probing for further details; addresses, names, etc. The motivation might be explained by either Buddy's fondness for Cindy, which seems like a stretch, or a bullying experience he/she had had in the past themselves, or a combination of both. Just an assumption though.
     
  7. Wreybies

    Wreybies Thrice Retired Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 1, 2008
    Messages:
    23,826
    Likes Received:
    20,815
    Location:
    El Tembloroso Caribe
    For the sake of brainstorming - for that is the purpose of this area of the forum ;) - the OP mentions that Cindy creates a catfish persona on the web, so she wouldn't be griping about bullying. It would seem more likely she'd be painting herself as high-school royalty.
     
  8. shadowwalker

    shadowwalker Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2011
    Messages:
    3,258
    Likes Received:
    847
    Oops. Apologies to the OP. I never remember to look at which area posts are in. :oops:
     
  9. peachalulu

    peachalulu Member Reviewer Contributor

    Joined:
    May 20, 2012
    Messages:
    4,620
    Likes Received:
    3,807
    Location:
    occasionally Oz , mainly Canada
    Some issues I'd see with the story is it could become quite boringly episodic. I came up with an idea like this yeeeears ago ( I was reading a lot of ya point thrillers. ) And I realized that you have to watch bumping off characters one two three as the reader's suspense shrinks. T.v. shows ( The Tunnel ) manage to get away with it cause it's got the thrill of the chase ( not to mention the dynamics of the main character's interaction ). And Horror movies manage to get away with it cause it's got the visual gore. But books need a better pattern. It's not who's in danger?! what will happen?! It becomes who's next, how will they go. Charlie and the chocolate Factory has this problem. Great book but take away the whimsy and it'd be quite dull - as a transparent pattern emerges - a kid gets there come uppance, and the oopa loompas sing a song.

    Maybe shake up the storyline a bit. Look at it from another character's viewpoint and see how they'd react or respond to shift things.
     
  10. ddavidv

    ddavidv Senior Member

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2013
    Messages:
    433
    Likes Received:
    310
    Location:
    Pennsylvania, USA
    I like the idea, in general. You could go so many ways with it.

    The point about bumping off people sequentially is important. Agatha Christie did this in Ten Little Indians. I've never much cared for Christie novels, and it's been two decades at least since I read that, but you may want to review her method. Stephen King did sort of the same thing in Carrie and also Christine. What I remember about the latter was even the 'good' people weren't safe; the possessed car went after everyone, eventually, including the character who adopted it. Cindy could be an intended victim, as the story develops.
     
  11. Bjørnar Munkerud

    Bjørnar Munkerud Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2012
    Messages:
    477
    Likes Received:
    275
    Location:
    Oslo, Norway
    It's a clever idea, Pandemonia! :) The most important thing to master I think will be the way you combine her school life with her Internet one. Maybe each chapter only lasts a day and you see her at school first and then online later, maybe they're all cross-mentioned in some fancy way, or maybe she has "flashbacks" at irregular intervals when something she experiences relates to something she mentioned in a chat room. I'm genuinely stoked about this project now. I wish I had thought of it myself and could be working on it now, which is a great sign (to me anyway).
     
  12. erebh

    erebh Banned Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2013
    Messages:
    2,642
    Likes Received:
    481
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    I'd say go for it, I agree totally with @Bjornar Munkerud im I wish I could read it. However, @Wreybies has a great point; If she's being bullied at school but switches her persona online, how would "Buddy" know? All he sees in the chat-room is little Miss Perfect so why would he care? Maybe she should just be herself, some little emo chick, a victim of her own little world that her school colleagues just don't get. Maybe "Buddy" was also bullied at school for being such a nerd, a brilliant IT guy, a computer scientist and he hacks her facebook, email etc and tracks the bullies through the IP addresses of those that pick on her, send her such disturbing stuff... Maybe the end of the book is her finding out about her murderous "friend" and blames herself on their deaths. Her guilt is so bad she tries to commit suicide but Buddy saves her at the death.

    Just throwing some ideas out there where your two main characters, one, the emo chick who hates these bullies and wishes them dead feels remorse and is racked with guilt, and the murderer ends up as the saviour, of your emo...
     
  13. SuperVenom

    SuperVenom Senior Member

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2010
    Messages:
    475
    Likes Received:
    71
    Location:
    South Wales
    Nice idea. Same kinda idea as an episode of drawn together (yes I was one that watched it) where toot (the character) has a stalker hidden in her room and when she writes in her diary that someone was mean to her they are killed in the way they were mean. Ie princess clara makes fun of her hair so is scalped. comupance is always the best revenge.
     
  14. Pandemonia

    Pandemonia Member

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2014
    Messages:
    65
    Likes Received:
    19
    Location:
    a box on the table
    Unless somebody might consider a collaborative effort. I am not a native English speaker so my writing is not too good.
     
  15. wade-newb

    wade-newb Member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2012
    Messages:
    57
    Likes Received:
    33
    Location:
    South Africa
    Write it in your own language :) It can always be translated afterwards.
     
    Bjørnar Munkerud likes this.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice