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  1. jscraiger
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    jscraiger New Member

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    Need Help on College Essay

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by jscraiger, Jan 21, 2011.

    Hi Guys. I am new here and I am looking for help on my MBA Admission essay. I will be applying to different schools. Here is the Essay Below.


    An education grounded in excellence and history and excellence but also visionary. An education that celebrates diversity; recognizing that problems of the future are going to diverse and solving them will require thought leaders not only trained to recognize changing trends and inherent differences in cultures but to also apply that knowledge in the creation of global solutions. Strategic access to a huge knowledge cache about Pac Rim and Latin America from a faculty that works closely with companies that do business over there. These are some of the qualities of the UCLA program that convince me that an MBA from your school will help me in my future field of energy consulting.
    As a Petroleum Consulting Engineer for Fred Olsen Energy, I provide technical consulting services to petroleum companies of different sizes and strengths in different countries. The difference in the way State owned oil companies compared to [Public companies) manage their business affairs fuels my desire to pursue an MBA and post MBA, to be an oil and gas management consultant in a distinguished consulting company.
    During my five years working with State-owned companies, I have observed huge operational differences between the way State-owned firms are run compared to International Corporations. These operational differences basically come down to differences in business management practices. A lot of these companies manage their resources poorly, have outdated bulky corporate strategies and are very ineffective in developing their human capital. Even among those that recognize these problems poor change management implementation makes it hard and frustrating for them to change. A lot of these companies are not as large, diverse and complicated as international corporations, but we are able to learn quicker and adapt faster to a different energy marketplace.
    One common denominator among these state-owned companies is the lack of operation and management know how among their personnel which results in poor corporate strategy and ineffective strategic and operational implementation...on how to make good strategic decisions and execute these decisions. Often, state owned oil corporations invest significant human and intellectual capital in the technical aspects of extracting natural resources from the ground yet they invest relatively little in management and operational infrastructure. An MBA would give me the ability to consult with these companies on changes they need to make to be more productive. Strategic, management and operational knowledge gotten from the Anderson school of management, combined with insights acquired from my extensive technical experience, would help launch me into my consulting career. A consulting career where I can help these companies develop and implement their strategies better, manage their assets better and increase their overall efficacy.
    My current position entails working with teams of professionals in the field to identify solutions to challenges that hamper the effective exploration and production of natural oil resources. I graduated in 2002 with a Bachelors of Engineering Degree in Civil Engineering from University of Texas, Austin and in 2005, I received a Masters Degree in Oil and Gas Engineering from Robert Gordon University. The curriculum examined all aspects of the oil industry from drilling oil prospects to the economics of production. In addition, I have been trained in management, marketing and finance. I am now an invaluable knowledge resource for trouble shooting and resolving issues. Last year, my team was awarded the "Performed by Fred Olsen Gold award" for a cutting-edge solution that saved a client millions of dollars in project execution. I was the engineer in charge of implementing the solution and monitoring performance
    Although I have attained a lot of success and experience in my present job, I recognize that in order to transition from a consulting engineer to a management consultant, it is imperative that I learn much more about current techniques in Strategy, Organizational change management and decision making. An MBA from the UCLA Anderson School of management will provide this key foundation.
    Furthermore, opportunities like Applied Management Research program will give me insight into what drives organizational and leadership effectiveness. As an African educated in the UK and now working in the United States, I have experience working in new environments with people of diverse backgrounds, attitudes and mindsets. Exposure to current and future global leaders through interaction with students, lecturers, faculty members, and alumni will broaden my network of resources and continue to enhance my education long after I complete my MBA.
     
  2. Mallory
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    Mallory Mallegory. Contributor

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    Hi,

    Welcome to WF. :)

    This is the section where people discuss general tips and the like about writing.

    To have actual stuff reviewed, you need to post in the Review Room, but you need to critique (constructively and with specifics) two other works on the same review board before posting your own.

    Good luck!
     
  3. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    i often help applying uni/college students fine tune their app essays, so email this to me if you want to find out where it can be improved...

    love and hugs, maia
    maia3maia@hotmail.com
     
  4. kylesesh
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    kylesesh New Member

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    Not bad man, better than anything i can come up with
     
  5. jscraiger
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    jscraiger New Member

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    Thanks Maia. I will send it to you
     
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