1. Bikingman
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    Bikingman New Member

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    Need help revising an information request letter

    Discussion in 'The Art of Critique' started by Bikingman, Feb 20, 2014.

    I've never been a great writer, but my life needs me to write well. I guess I'm reaching out to you all for help. Please help! I just need the letter below revised. The letter will be send to local organizations and business requesting any public literature. The infomration will be used to support a new on campus bike co op.

    Hello Fellow Cycling Enthusiast,

    I'm writing to request information your organization has published related to cycling in the Capital Region. If you have any public literature to share with students and faculty of the State University of New York at Albany, we would be pleased to distribute the information. We are looking for maps, events advertisement, pamphlets, pdfs, news letters and more. Electronic copies will work best.

    We here at the Office of Energy and Sustainability are working to open a Bicycle Co Op. Our co op will be place for students and facility to go for all bicycle related information, maintenance, and gathering. Our opening week will reach out to a large portion of university life through a word of month campaign. We would like to distribute information on your organization to all interested people. Our student body is over 16,000 students.

    If you would like to get involved please don't hesitate to contact me. My contact information is listed below.

    Thank you in advanced.

    All My Best,
     
  2. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    ...here's how i would suggest 'fixing' it, if you were one of my mentees:

    Dear Fellow cycling enthusiasts,

    We here at the Office of Energy and Sustainability are planning to open a Bicycle Co-Op at the State University of New York at Albany. It will be a place where students and facility can access bicycle related information, avail themselves of maintenance services, and gather socially. The announcement of our opening will be spread throughout our 16,000-student campus via a vigorously mounted word-of-month campaign, aided by the posting of flyers and social media means.

    Which is why I am writing to request any publications your organization has generated and may be willing to provide, that are related to cycling in the Capital Region. We would distribute any such literature to our students and faculty, by making it available at the co-op. Material could include maps, upcoming events notices, pamphlets, pdfs, newsletters, etc. Electronic copies will work best.

    If you would like to have your organization included, please don't hesitate to contact me for details, or if you have any questions.

    Best regards,


    ...your contact info should be contained in your letterhead, if snail-mailing... or, if sending by email, below your signature... hope this helps... good luck with your project... love and hugs, maia
     
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  3. Bikingman
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    Bikingman New Member

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    Wow, thank you. I can only hope to write as well as you. You are very talented. Again, thank you.
     
  4. Bikingman
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    Bikingman New Member

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    LOVE AND HUGS!
     
  5. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    glad to help, daniel... feel free to email me any time you need an assist...
     
  6. Bikingman
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    Bikingman New Member

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    Thank you thank you thank you!!
     

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