1. Bluvapor
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    Bluvapor Member

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    need help with a description

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Bluvapor, May 3, 2011.

    HI GUYS, I'VE BEEN LURKING ON THIS FORUM FOR QUITE A WHILE, BUT JUST JOINED THE OTHER DAY. I'M IMPRESSED WITH THE FULL ON SUPPORT GIVEN TO EVERYONE WHO USES THESE FORUMS, AND SO I PRESENT TO YOU MY DILEMMA. I'VE BEEN WRITING MY NOVEL FOR CLOSE TO TWO YEARS AND I'VE REALLY SET A DEADLINE. I'M ON VACATION FOR THREE WEEKS AND I PROMISED MYSELF I'D FINISH AT LEAST THREE CHAPTERS. HOWEVER, I'M IN A BIT OF WRITER'S BLOCK AT THE MOMENT AND NEED HELP.

    MY SCENE TAKES PLACE IN SOME SUBURBS IN CALIFORNIA, MY CHARACTERS A LATINO MALE WHO SEEMS TO JOG AROUND THOSE PARTS. THE AREA IS A RITZY NEIGHBORHOOD AND WELL I REALLY NEED TO DESCRIBE IT IN VIVID DETAIL. NOW IT SOUNDS EASY BUT FOR SOME REASON I'M STUCK. I HAVE A HARD TIME DESCRIBING THE HOMES AND THE SIGHTS. I'M NOT ASKING FOR NO ONE TO WRITE IT FOR ME, BUT SOME IDEAS WOULD REALLY BE NICE. MAYBE SOME STATIC DESCRIPTIONS, WOULD PROBABLY HELP ME GET OUT OF MY FUNK. I REALLY APPRECIATE IT IF SOMEONE COULD HELP ME THANKS. :redface:
     
  2. KillianRussell
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    KillianRussell Contributing Member

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    A trick I will use to describe the disparity between the haves and the have nots is trash day, they are getting rid of furniture, bric-brac etc. better than the best in the homes of the not so blessed. Thanks dude I so forgot I wanted to use this.
     
  3. Bluvapor
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    Bluvapor Member

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    lol at least you answered. I'm really hoping for descriptions of anything really of homes of streets. I'm really bad with that sort of thing, but I 'll keep practicing maybe something will come out it always does. what bothers me is i have a goal that i think i might not get done if i keep on with this funk of writers block.
     
  4. Tesoro
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    Tesoro Contributing Member Contributor

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    Is the problem that you don't know what it looks like or that you can't find words to describe it? at least the first option should be easy to remediate.
     
  5. Trilby
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    Trilby Contributing Member Contributor

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    I've never been to California, so therefore I have no idea what the streets, buildings, people, gardens, smells, atmosphere of Californian suburbs are like. Maybe you could describe it for me.

    Are the buildings;
    Large, small, drab, colourful, impressive, old, modern, pristine clean or dirty and neglected?

    Would I feel safe walking down the street or would I be apprehensive?

    What are the smells of the area;
    Pleasant smells of Blossoms or foul smells of manufacturing plants?

    Are the streets busy or quiet?

    These are the things to look at describing, but don't over do it.

    An Idea maybe to over describe everything. Every little detail and then when you edit - delete 95% of it, and then hopefully you will be left with little gems of description that give a feel for the place
     
  6. wicked_poppies
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    wicked_poppies Member

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    I’m thinking something about large homes surrounded by a sea of maliciously manicured lawns, expensive foreign cars (most of them red) in the gated driveways, a lawn care service van parked along the street with a couple of people working on the yard in front of it, glimpses of fenced in backyards and pools surrounded by decks, maybe children riding bikes up and down the street, brick and stone mailboxes that match the façade of the homes, fancy lamp poles lining the street’s sidewalks….. stuff like that?
     
  7. Bluvapor
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    Bluvapor Member

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    yes things that are exactly like that although the area is very high class. was doing research it takes place in beverly hills california but still dont know in which suburb exactly. was probably going to invent one. sort of my own type of suburb. but wanted help with the description. loved the ideas of wicked_poppies because atleast it gives me ideas that inspire me. been looking at a lot of pictures just got stuck on how i wanted to describe it. its a small scene of just him jogging through the neighborhood.

    LET ME REFRASE THE QUESTION>

    IF YOU GUYS WERE JOGGING DOWN A BEAUTIFUL SUBURB IN THE LATE AFTERNOON HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE IT? REMEMBER IM JUST LOOKING FOR IDEAS.
     
  8. wicked_poppies
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    wicked_poppies Member

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    Well, now that you said late afternoon I’m thinking you would see cars pulling into driveways coming home from work, and children would defiantly be out playing. You might smell a baroque, and hear distant splashing from pools and laughter, the sky could be a pink color, and you could mention that it was warm, but pleasantly so, with a slight breeze every so often, you could mention hearing a lawnmower in the distance, but I would imagine that the street itself would still be relatively quiet. You could say something about waving at someone who saw you while getting their mail. I was going to suggest that you look at pictures to get an idea, but you said you already did.
     
  9. Bluvapor
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    Bluvapor Member

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    THANKS WICKED. LOVED SOME OF THE THINGS YOU SAID. IM STILL WRITING AS I READ YOUR POSTS. HERE ARE SOME OF MY IDEAS

    Houses with flowers and shrubs teased him for a quick smell of ecstasy, the aroma following him as he continued his plotted journey. The relentless slap, slap of his feet echoed each other, as his breath strained a little, while passing several more clusters of houses and buildings.

    THATS WHAT I'VE MANAGED TO COME UP WITH.
     
  10. wicked_poppies
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    wicked_poppies Member

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    You could say something about how each house was unique from the others, and yet each oversized home seemed to echo the same ostentatious sentiment of their wealthy owners.
     
  11. Bluvapor
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    Bluvapor Member

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    I just added that bit into my description i loved it it says a lot without having to thanks.you've been a real help wicked. :d
     
  12. wicked_poppies
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    wicked_poppies Member

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    Not a problem! So glad I could contribute!
     
  13. Melzaar the Almighty
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    Melzaar the Almighty Contributing Member Contributor

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    If you don't live there, take a trip to any posher neighbourhood local to you. Get the feel, and then google street view the rest. :p
     
  14. Bluvapor
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    Bluvapor Member

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    I wish i could but cant have to rely on pictures lol i live in puerto rico and not even the prettiest suburb here resembles the suburbs in cali. But like i said previously i suck at decriptions, but been doing research
     
  15. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    i've lived in many different areas of both southern and norther california, so if you want to email me, i can help you with descriptions of poor, middle class and wealthy homes and neighborhoods in just about any part of the state, from san diego to santa rosa, the coast to the desert, cities, town, mountains and valleys...

    love and hugs, maia
    maia3maia@hotmail.com

    ps: oddly enough, i'm in the process of moving to puerto rico!
     
  16. Bluvapor
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    Bluvapor Member

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    Cool hope you like it down here. Everything pr is pretty modern so you probably wont miss much from the states, however hope to get more info on cali suburbs from you for my story thanks a bunch for your intrest in helping. :d
     
  17. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    since i've been living on the tiny pacific island of tinian for nearly 6 years, PR is bound to be light years more 'civilized' and i won't be 'missing' a thing!

    email me whenever you need to know something about california... i'm online all day, every day...
     
  18. Earlychop
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    Earlychop Member

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    Have you tried plonking down the little man on Google Maps, and going into street view. That has helped me in the past when I researched residences and the like.

    Plenty of things to bee seen that way. Try to focus on the things that people don't see though. Everyone sees the broad architecture, the road and street furniture, but never the little things.

    E.g Look at the point where a phone-line or power-line connects to a home, is it busted in some way? Have decorators painted over it - lazily?.

    The odd and usually un-described things you paint in your 'vivid' picture, are the things that will get a reader searching their minds for a likeness - engaging them.
     

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