Tags:
  1. missxmadden
    Offline

    missxmadden New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2010
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0

    Need help with my story

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by missxmadden, Aug 24, 2010.

    I have started a story, had somewhat of a plot line, but after thinking about it, there are a lot stories/TV episodes/Movies that are like the ending-person does something, seems almost like reality, but wakes up to see that it's a dream.
    My story so far is about Tony, a 30 year old, has sex with Lauren, a 19 year old. They knew each other from high school. Tony was Lauren's 11th grade english teacher. When she was in high school, her and Tony had an affair.
    Almost everyone thinks Tony is gay by the way he walks, talks, and by the way he dresses. Tony really wants a kid. With a previous girlfriend, he had 2 miscarriages and daughter named Emily who died from a heart tumor when she was four.
    The story takes place when Lauren is in a sophomore in college. (No, I didn't make them have sex when she's a minor.) Tony and Lauren parted ways when Lauren graduated. They met for the first time since Lauren's high school graduation. They both got really drunk and had sex.
    Now, it's 3 months later and Lauren discovers that she's pregnant. She doesn't tell Tony and she wants to abort it. Tony found out from a text from Lauren's friend, that disagrees with what Lauren is doing. Tony shows up at the abortion clinic without Lauren knowing and convinces Lauren to have the baby.
    Lauren moves in with Tony, and they started dating again. Lauren told Tony about how almost every student that he had thought he was gay. Tony goes in the next day and told every class that he's not gay and he's having a baby. The principle found out who the mom was and called him in, hoping to fire him, but Tony kept the secret about him and Lauren, and since Lauren is a graduated high school student, they can't fire him without 1) proof that they were dating when she was a student and 2) without him suing the crap of them for making false exuation.
    This is where I'm stuck. I originally wanted to make from the night before she goes to the abortion clinic to where she gives birth the dream. Just between the pushes she starts waking up, and as the baby comes out, she wakes up. But I've came up with some other ideas. I was going to add on to the first idea, have Lauren text Tony the morning that she has the dream, telling him that he's pregnant, and hoping that life during her dream was as perfect as in the dream, but it turns out that it's really ****ty-her parents turn on her because she's pregnant with a high school teacher that is MUCH older than her, and later he turns on her by cheating on her. Or have her have the dream when she's 9 month pregnant and as she gives birth, she'll start having contraptions (sorry if it's not correctly used, can't really spell that good) and wake up, realizing that it was just a dream that was too good to be reality-better relationship with Tony-and realized that her life is ****ty and needs to get out.
    I've really gotten far with this, and I don't want to throw it away. If you have any other ideas, email me.
     
  2. Unit7
    Offline

    Unit7 Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2009
    Messages:
    1,151
    Likes Received:
    59
    Personally I dislike 'and it was all a dream...' endings. I don't mind if there are dreams within the story and its presented as if it wasn't and turns out to be one. But having the ending turn out to be a dream sorta... i dunno cheapens everything that the character went through.

    Unless of course the story is supposed to take place in a dream and he or she can't wake up or something. But in large I dislike this ending. You will probably find alot of readers and writers dislike this type of ending.
     
  3. missxmadden
    Offline

    missxmadden New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2010
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    I've realized that it is too common of an ending and needed to change it. I have listed ideas in my first post, but if you have any other ideas, that would be great.
     
  4. Peerie Pict
    Offline

    Peerie Pict Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2009
    Messages:
    724
    Likes Received:
    29
    Location:
    Scotland
    I agree with Unit. The reason why readers hate the dream scenarios is very obvious. When we take time out from our busy lives to read stories we invest in the characters. If you've written it well, we will, to some extent, care about their fate.

    Having it be 'only a dream' renders the whole exercise completely meaningless. Dreams are meaningless. So why has the reader been wasting their time?
     
  5. Banzai
    Offline

    Banzai One-time Mod, but on the road to recovery Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2007
    Messages:
    12,871
    Likes Received:
    150
    Location:
    Reading, UK
    This. It makes everything that has happened in the story pointless, and will make the reader wonder why they bothered.
     
  6. Blips
    Offline

    Blips Member

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2010
    Messages:
    54
    Likes Received:
    0
    IMO, don't make your reader invest themselves in something to only in the end go and say "Hah, thanks for wasting your time - none of this happened."
     
  7. Elgaisma
    Offline

    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2010
    Messages:
    5,337
    Likes Received:
    92
    Going to agree I'm old enough to remember Pam Ewing waking up in the shower and the whole previous series of Dallas was a dream. Load of rubbish ruined the rest of the show.

    How about having her live through the rubbish life whilst daydreaming inbetween or deluding herself somehow? When she talks to her mates its all about how great it is?
     
  8. missxmadden
    Offline

    missxmadden New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2010
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    I've realized that it is having the whole story a dream pointless, but I'm already too far into it to throw it away. I'm just looking for ideas on how to turn it around.

    It kind-of seems like you guys are putting me down.
     
  9. Cogito
    Offline

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 19, 2007
    Messages:
    35,935
    Likes Received:
    2,043
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    Don't write by committee. Instead of casting your hook about the internet, work your way through the story yourself.

    It only works when it's your story.
     
  10. Elgaisma
    Offline

    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2010
    Messages:
    5,337
    Likes Received:
    92
    You don't have to throw it away but you may decided to take it back a bit. I've just removed 30,000 words from a novel so I can change its direction slightly, and bring out two characters that weren't really in it before. I'll keep doing that until I am happy with it.

    You could have her live her daily life and then dream at night as long as you make it clear to the reader.


    You know your story now rewriting what you need to rewrite won't take as long as it took you write it. Personally I think taking the writing back is better than patching it.
     
  11. aytherestherub
    Offline

    aytherestherub New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2010
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Boston
    I like the plot. All the way up until you mentioned the part about dreams, I was hooked.

    I'd keep everything as it is, minus the dream part. Maybe you could do something else -- parallel universes, two scenarios like in that Sliding Doors movie with Gwenyth Paltrow, or have her dream that actually her life is perfect, as Elgaisma said. Just no "it was all a dream" stuff; that's cheating. But seriously, keep everything else.
     
  12. JessaNova
    Offline

    JessaNova Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2010
    Messages:
    126
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Florida
    Though this sounds like a total Lifetime movie, I don't think the dream sequence ending is a good idea either. Unless there was a huge life lesson where the teacher has been ridiculed at school for being apparently 'gay', I would've made it HIS story. Not the girls.
     
  13. ChickenFreak
    Offline

    ChickenFreak Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2010
    Messages:
    8,978
    Likes Received:
    5,500
    My problem isn't the dream, it's Tony's freakout about the idea that people would think that he's gay.

    If this is intended to be a "gossip ruins lives" plot, I'd rather that the students assume something _bad_ about him - to me, that's essential to working up a lot of angry indignation and justifying his (unprofessional, IMO) freakout. Being gay isn't bad. Now, some people may think that it is bad, but that's far from a universal feeling, so it's not a good, unambiguous vehicle for indignation.

    ChickenFreak
     
  14. missxmadden
    Offline

    missxmadden New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2010
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks for all your help. I made an outline which includes nothing to do with a dream
     
  15. JessaNova
    Offline

    JessaNova Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2010
    Messages:
    126
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Florida
    This has me a bit confused. You said that in the dream, everyone thinks he's gay. So he has a baby and suddenly it shocks everyone in the school because he isn't? But in the dream sequence, everyone's already figured that he probably was and that's what he didn't like.



    I think I would have to just read it for myself because I don't know what having a kid with a 19 year old has to do with him fearing of being thought of as gay. That seems like a whole new realm of problems he's dealing with then. I guess you could make it a battle of everyone thinks he's gay, but he's really with a 19 year old girl. And he's battling on whether he wants to keep everyone thinking he's gay... or a complete pervert.

    Then again, I still don't understand why it's in the girls perspective. It doesn't really seem to have anything to do with her except she's getting pregnant.
     

Share This Page