1. RedHeadedFark
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    RedHeadedFark New Member

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    Dialogue Need help

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by RedHeadedFark, Apr 15, 2015.

    Can someone please give me a technique in the line: ''I guess in this society, being male and an asshole makes you worthy of our time.''

    This is a line from the movie ''10 Things I Hate About You''
     
  2. Lewdog
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    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

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    I think it looks right. I keep wanting to put a comma after asshole, but it doesn't sound as good as it is now. I'm not sure what technique you want.
     
  3. RedHeadedFark
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    RedHeadedFark New Member

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    Any sort of language technique
     
  4. ChickenFreak
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    ChickenFreak Contributing Member Contributor

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    I don't understand what you mean.
     
  5. Shadowfax
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    Shadowfax Contributing Member Contributor

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    "I guess, in this society, being male and an asshole makes you worthy of our time."

    The first comma is needed (I think it's what's called an Oxford comma) because the sub-clause "in this society" could be omitted without spoiling the grammatical correctness of the sentence, although it would change the sense of it.
     
  6. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Not sure what you're looking for. The line is what it is. It isn't even a particularly strong piece of dialogue. Apart from some gender bitterness, it doesn't really show much about the speaker, the person spoken to/about, or the relationship between them. It has little depth.

    But every scrap of dialogue need not be a gem of insight and subtlety. Some just set the stage.
     
  7. ChickenFreak
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    ChickenFreak Contributing Member Contributor

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    Are you asking us to describe what techniques it uses? Are you asking us to tell you the name of a technique that you can use to improve it? Are you asking if it's grammatically correct? What are you asking?
     
  8. Jack Asher
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    Jack Asher Wildly experimental Contributor

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    No. The oxford comma is used after the word "and" in a list of things.
    fig. 1.1
    [​IMG]
     
    jannert and Ben414 like this.

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