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  1. RedHeadedFark

    RedHeadedFark New Member

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    Dialogue Need help

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by RedHeadedFark, Apr 15, 2015.

    Can someone please give me a technique in the line: ''I guess in this society, being male and an asshole makes you worthy of our time.''

    This is a line from the movie ''10 Things I Hate About You''
     
  2. Lewdog

    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

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    I think it looks right. I keep wanting to put a comma after asshole, but it doesn't sound as good as it is now. I'm not sure what technique you want.
     
  3. RedHeadedFark

    RedHeadedFark New Member

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    Any sort of language technique
     
  4. ChickenFreak

    ChickenFreak Contributing Member Contributor

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    I don't understand what you mean.
     
  5. Shadowfax

    Shadowfax Contributing Member Contributor

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    "I guess, in this society, being male and an asshole makes you worthy of our time."

    The first comma is needed (I think it's what's called an Oxford comma) because the sub-clause "in this society" could be omitted without spoiling the grammatical correctness of the sentence, although it would change the sense of it.
     
  6. Cogito

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Not sure what you're looking for. The line is what it is. It isn't even a particularly strong piece of dialogue. Apart from some gender bitterness, it doesn't really show much about the speaker, the person spoken to/about, or the relationship between them. It has little depth.

    But every scrap of dialogue need not be a gem of insight and subtlety. Some just set the stage.
     
  7. ChickenFreak

    ChickenFreak Contributing Member Contributor

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    Are you asking us to describe what techniques it uses? Are you asking us to tell you the name of a technique that you can use to improve it? Are you asking if it's grammatically correct? What are you asking?
     
  8. Jack Asher

    Jack Asher Wildly experimental Contributor

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    No. The oxford comma is used after the word "and" in a list of things.
    fig. 1.1
    [​IMG]
     
    jannert and Ben414 like this.

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