1. raisin
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    raisin Member

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    Need ideas on a plot on love and extra marital affair...

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by raisin, Sep 28, 2010.

    I was thinking of a story based on extra marital affair of a young woman. She is a modern woman from an orthodox family and she has all the reasons to fall in love after marriage. OK.

    I can show her thru and thru. But I am having trouble with the man :rolleyes:

    I have some plans. But what do you think in a realistic situ

    1. But why would a single man fall in love with a married woman knowing her status?

    or

    even if he had fallen in love without knowing her status why would he entertain his feelings for her?


    2. Would such a man try to win her affections if given a chance disregarding his reputation?

    3. If she leaves her husband will such a man dare to come to the picture to give her a new life?

    4. What will such a life be? (Now, on this I know a certain person who courted a married woman with a grown up duaghter and married her later on. He has not lost anything in life, his career, his fmaily but may be a few painful incidents in life.)

    5. What's your idea of love outside of marriage? Requitted or unrequitted?

    Any suggestions on the theme are helpful. Thank you
     
  2. Auskar
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    Auskar Member

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    Why does the man have to fall in love with her?
     
  3. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Have you ever been in a relationship where cheating entered into it?

    If not, you probably have no idea what emotions are involved. I'm not saying this to be dismissive, but I can tell you that when it happens, no matter whether you are the cheater or the cheated, what you feel about it comes as a complete surprise.

    That's because there are so many emotions warring against one another: guilt, anger, sadness, remorse, fear, love, compassion, and probably others.

    The (single) guy she cheated with is a bit simpler. He may simply want sex or an ego boost without any chance of a committed relationship. He may delight in the conquest, or have a grudge against marriage, or against one or both of the marrieds. He may simply be selfish. Or maybe he sees that the woman is miserable and he feels sympathy for her, or he may see himself as her rescuer.

    Did I say simpler? Yes, because compared to what is going on with the married couple, his emotions are probably far less conflicted.
     
  4. Mallory
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    Mallory Mallegory. Contributor

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    Can you tell us more about the circumstances surrounding this aspect of the storyline? If you do, I think we can be more helpful.
     
  5. SashaMerideth
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    SashaMerideth Contributing Member

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    I'm not married, but I have been cheated on. It is a bit soul crushing to start with, but I slowly realized that if he was willing to cheat on me, he would cheat on her too.
     
  6. wavodavo
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    wavodavo Member

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    Try Googling the question: why do men cheat?

    I'll bet you get 500,000 hits (and a chance to see your house from outer space!). If you read through a few of the articles, you'll get a sense of what the most popular answers are for that question. None of these reasons may be the TRUE reason men cheat, but any of the frequently mentioned ones are what most readers will assume is the reason.
     
  7. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    Could the man have a reason to want revenge against her or a member of her family>?

    Personally as a married woman have told my husband only way he is staying with me if he cheats is under the patio. I think it is the worst thing someone can do - for me love is something you work at and is there to get you through the times you don't like each other very much.
     
  8. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Again, that is nearly everyone's attitude before the situation actually comes up.

    And for some people, that stays the answer.

    Other times, rather than chuck the marriage, the partner may take the time to listen and dig into why the cheating took place.

    If you plan to make a novel about this, it is worthwhile to dig past the shallow surface reactions.
     
  9. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    with my family background my view is not changing. My husband knew that when he married me I was very clear. I am happy to discuss any issue and work through any issue. Except adultery and abuse. The OP asked the question and that is my view.
     
  10. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    And my ex and I held exactly that view before she cheated.

    That is why I said you don't know until you are in the situation. No matter how certain you are when it is hypothetical.
     
  11. Melzaar the Almighty
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    Melzaar the Almighty Contributing Member Contributor

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    Disagreeing about emotions is about the most ridiculous thing ever... No one has the same emotions, nor thinks about things in the same way. You might as well fight over if you see blue as the same shade.

    For whatever reason you make them. Love can happen between anyone - as long as they meet or have that moment where they realise that what they feel for each other is love, then situations have nothing to do with it. Look at rom coms -a million premises, each more stupid than the last, but when you boil it down, you can predict scene by scene, the emotional path the main characters will take.

    Either a feeling he's more right for her than her husband, or else because he's a jerk? You can come at it from either a noble or a sleezy way. Depends how you want the guy to be seen.

    See above. Obviously the first approach will make him a lot more conflicted and stuff. More interesting. I had a character in one of my stories who slept with 3 different people who were in relationships (he was my main plot device for making things move in my rom com :p) and he was psychoanalysed least of my characters because he was just doing it in a sleazy way. :p I could have dug deeper, but I'd have wandered from the point of the story, since he wasn't at all conflicted about what he was doing.

    And those and the rest are all up to you and how you want to take the story.
     
  12. Shysa
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    Shysa New Member

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    No matter the scope of your writing, to have a main character cheat on her husband (for good or bad reasons) will speak volumes about the characters involved to the reader. Its something alot of people can sympathize with and even it should affect the development of all characters involved.

    Working off of that I would figure out what impression you want the episode to leave on the reader and work back from there. I know that when I write very emotionally charged scenes for my characters, I have to be careful not to just have them act the way I would, which is hard because my protagonists are very relatable to me. Keep in mind what they would do in consistency with their established bahavior, and the kind of personality you want them to have.

    This isn't to say that your personal experiences (especially in regards to cheating) shouldn't shape and inform your characters behavior.

    Of course this is just how I would approach the concept.
     
  13. Manav
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    Manav Contributing Member

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    Why would a married women cheat?

    Generally speaking there will be something that she is not satisfied with her husband which she might not realize until she meet another man who fulfills what her husband lacks. It could be any of the things that the other posters have mentioned, what you choose as a writer depends on what kind of impression you want the readers to have of the char. Say for example take reasons of the sexual kind, she could simple be a sl*t, or there could be more deeper reasons for her sexual longings outside of the marriage like her husband's workaholic nature. Again she might not realize this until a man comes along and shows her the kind of attention her husband never gave. So, in the second case the readers might not approve of her affair, but they will definitely have some sympathy for her on some level.
     
  14. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    Over the years my dad has as a married and single man destroyed lots of families, had one long relationship with a married lady (amazing woman) who lived part time with my dad and part time with her husband very openly. I have several real life very different examples in my life. At 65 he finally admitted he wasn't capable of being faithful. He still has relationships with many of them. Very few see him as a bad man. Some families survived, some didn't. One woman was commited to mental hospital after he claimed she was stalking him (my friend's Mum). I can give you several personal examples and ideas if you like PM me.

    I also have some stories from my Mums life (had an affair with 35 year old married man at 15 - she named me after him) and my half brother (went AWOL from the navy when he got his commanding officers wife pregnant amongst others). My grandfather was about to become mayor of York absconded with his secretary, and a huge amount of fraudulently obtained cash, she was married they took her daughter with them but left my dad and his brother with a nor very stable mother. My younger brother had an affair with a married woman with an abusive husband. My Great Great Grandfather ran off with another woman leaving a 15 year old boy to provide for his Mum and nine siblings.

    My grandfather's actions have had serious ramifications and still are with his older great grandchildren. We are all in two camps right from his sons down - 0 tolerance to cheating or cheats. None of us are inbetween.

    -Charlotte
     
  15. w176
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    w176 Contributing Member Contributor

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    I would use a broad approach when researching the subject.

    Ask questions not just why some people cheat, but why some people stay together afterwards, why some people brake up. Why there is research showing that swinger couples got more stable happy relationships? Why some people are jealous and why some people arn't? Why your culture got the view on relationships and monogamy it got etc. Whats is the religious angle, what is the social angle, what is the biological angle on the subject etc.

    Helen Fisher is a wonderful writer and lecturer on the subject, and I would recommend her talk "Helen Fisher tells us why we love + cheat" on TED and her other Ted talks on the subject.
     
  16. raisin
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    raisin Member

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    Dear all,

    Thanks a lot for your wonderful replies and suggestions.

    And to clarify certain things.

    I haven't planned on the climax yet. I have several choices which I am cotemplating on.

    The strory is more or less feministic in nature when a woman cannot tolerate a life with someone whom she cannot relate to and no matter how decent he is she cannot love him. When she finds the man she would have loved to marry its too late. But he was already in love with her and carried those feelings along until both of them cannot hide it from each other.

    I am sure a female reader would sympathise with my lady while no reader would encourage her character.

    Ok, so said, I have never cheated physically in my relationship though emotional vulnerability has often gripped me when I have come across a person whom I saw to be a complete package of intellect, hardwork, altruism, understanding and masculinity that I had always longed to see in a man. I have no idea of the rest of his character, habits or personal life or whether he grunts seeing my face! That doesn't help much in this situation. And I know that I am almost in love with him unconditionally without any desire for his reciprocation or acknowledgement as I don't need him to make me complete. I might meet somebody 'more' perfect than him in my later years?!

    Now to answer a question why would a married woman cheat, I should say it just happens. In my case, I could be blamed for emotional cheating despite
    my being faithful to my partner, having no secret meetings with the other etc.
    But I know I hold him in a high pedestal almost on the moon kind of. :p In the case of my lady even she doesn't realise what pulls them closer to each other and why he loves her so much. Love simply does not have an explanation. So if she tries not to have two men at the same time can it be called cheating?


    Here, I am clear why she would engage herself in a new relationship despite evrything. But I was thinking how would a man react in such a circumstance considering his good reputation and background? It is a great risk for the parties involved.



    Thinking thinking and thinking...
     
  17. Aszyllin
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    Aszyllin Member

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    Here are my thoughts on a number of your questions!

    1. But why would a single man fall in love with a married woman knowing her status?
    or even if he had fallen in love without knowing her status why would he entertain his feelings for her?

    What's the saying? All's fair in love and war. What I mean by this is that love is not always practical or sensible. Sometimes people fall in love because of bad reasons, like the excitement, or they are lonely, or even perhaps BECAUSE they are married and therefore less of a committment... bad reason though! ha! Another common reason tends to be 'to save a person'. Perhaps this woman's husband is cruel or unloving and this man thinks he can save her or help her

    2. Would such a man try to win her affections if given a chance disregarding his reputation?

    Depends how reputable and how in love this man is. If he is terribly in love with her, than anything would be worth a chance at love.

    3. If she leaves her husband will such a man dare to come to the picture to give her a new life?

    Obviously we would have to determine if this was the man's intention all along. If he was with this married woman because of love, then he would hope she would get a divorce so they could be together. Then again, if he was with her as he didn't want to get committed then no.

    4. What will such a life be? (Now, on this I know a certain person who courted a married woman with a grown up duaghter and married her later on. He has not lost anything in life, his career, his fmaily but may be a few painful incidents in life.)

    This is a big question. A few wild guesses here and ideas to as how it could go: 1) A life of passion and committment, as he knows how much she has gave up for him and how he had to "fight" for her. 2) A life of shame and discontent as he is now seen by many as a home wrecker. Perhaps he even lost his job due to his cheating with a married woman. 3) He eventually marries the woman after she gets a divorce and is seen as an outcast or home wrecker. They move to a new place for a fresh start. 4) He is caught by the woman's husband and in a fit of crime kills him, therefore causing his love to leave him. 5) The married woman decides to stay with her husband until she finds she is pregnant. Does she a) pretend it is her husbands or b) leave him

    5. What's your idea of love outside of marriage? Requitted or unrequitted?

    Love outside of marriage can stir up a number of feelings. Too many, in a marriage, the love grows stronger but passion can become less and less frequent. Therefore, love outside of a marriage does occur because it once again stirs up those feelings of passion and excitement. If the love is requitted, the person must decide whether they will attempt to hide the secret or get a divorce. But remember, lies are almost always revealed! If the love is unrequitted then I am thinking that the person may feel shamed and go back to their marriage. However, if we are going for drama, they could always become a stalker! :) haha!
    Hope at least one of my ideas was vaguely interesting!
     
  18. Shayhara
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    Shayhara New Member

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    That is absolutely true, I always felt like if my boyfriend cheated on me it would be over. But when It actually happened... well it was like no feeling I have ever felt before, It hurt a lot but yet, I didn't want to leave him. There where days where I didn't want him to touch me or be near me, because I kept seeing the pictures i had found. In our case however there was the fact that though I had just found out it had happened 4 years before hand, and when we had only been together a few weeks. I found out a week before we got married. That was a hard week! Knowing that you have one week to decide for sure if you can live with someone who did this to you. To him it was four years before hand but for me it felt like it just happened.

    Anyway I just wanted to share my experience. Opposite of where the story is going I realize, however there where a lot of emotions going on from both of us. Luckaly by that time the other woman was no longer in the picture, so we only had to deal with each others emotions and not add in a third persons, or deal with the cheater having to make that choice between the person they where to spend there life with and a sexual encounter.

    Hope it helps, good luck with the story
    Shay
     
  19. SandraLSC
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    SandraLSC Member

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    There is a fourm for people who are cheating on their spouses. I think it was on Ivillage or a similar site. You could probably google it.

    My MIL found a post that my BIL's wife posted on there about having an affair (they recently divorced! lol). Anyway, maybe reading first hand accounts of what people are going through/feeling, etc. would help you.
     
  20. raisin
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    raisin Member

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    Thanks a lot for all the answers. All of them are really good, imaginative and stunning.:D

    My story is basically about a modern woman who was married to an ordinary man. He is an ordinary husband who wanted sex, happy mother, a successful career and did not think much of his wife. But love was far away for her though she went on until she met a man whom she could connect to. She falls in love for certain only when she realises he too feels the same for her. But at the point I am not sure how he should behave. But he would be protective, romatic and ready to take the challenge in life.

    On the other hand, I feel that the reader's sympathy would be with the husband who loved his wife although he took her too much for granted and realises this only when she is alienated fom him!:rolleyes:

    I do not have any idea of the ending though. If I give it a very happy ending it would be far stretched from reality and an unhappy ending is not something that pleased me ever as a reader.
     

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