1. TimAyro
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    TimAyro Member

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    New writer, need input on plot idea for screenplay

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by TimAyro, Nov 26, 2009.

    Hi, I'm new here, so a little about me.

    I'm Tim, and I am 19 years old. I've always liked writing, even though I am not great at it. I love movies, and want to work in a movie in any way possible (right now I am studying to do visual effects, and animation for film. I also have been an actor for about 16 years), but I always wanted to write those emotionally gripping stories I see in the movies. I recently re-watched Titanic, and that pulled at my heart so much. I am trying to write a screen play based on a similar structure. So tell me what you guys think I can improve on, change, etc. There isn't much, but I think it is a good start.

    ---

    Two brothers whom are both pilots are enlisted into WWII after the attack on Pearl Harbor. Ages 18 (Little Jack) and 23 (Chris). They're not on good terms with each other before the war, they are angry about something (NEED IDEA). They continuously fly in the same squad throughout the movie. During the missions they go through, their relationship mends and the becomes a very loving one. They constantly watch each others backs and defend one another.

    Chris witnesses Jack’s plane shot down and explode, killing Jack immediately. Chris can no longer picture his world without his brother in it after all they had been through together. Holding back his tears but then breaking down crying, he yells as he flies his plane into a warehouse filled with Japanese explosives. Destroying the masses around that particular area.

    The higher officers inform Chris and Jack’s mother of their passing. Chris is awarded the medal of honor for his heroic persona and the elimination of many enemies and enemy supplies. Their mother cries sad, but proud tears as she holds a photo of the young boys that were shown in the beginning of the film as the camera fades out and pans away. (In my screenplay, the movie starts out with Chris with his arms spread out like a plane, flying around baby Jack).

    ---

    Thanks for reading, if you got through it all. Originally I had it planned they were normal soldiers, not pilots. I am still not sure which way I should go. Any input?

    And ideas, especially for something to disrupt their relationship when they were younger?

    Thank you!

    (Sorry if this is in the wrong board)
     
  2. Nobeler Than Lettuce
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    Nobeler Than Lettuce Contributing Member

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    I'm not sure if you know this, but Family Guy mocks a long world war two based novel written by Brian the dog. It's also about pilots. I mean, I don't know how else to tell you that this idea isn't a great direction.

    Have you read any Norman Mailer? Try "The Naked and the Dead". Get back to me on that.

    Also, Saving Private Ryan pretty much does it for World War Two films. Your idea sounds cheesy and would be dramatically mocked.

    I don't mean to let you down. The up side is using them as normal soldiers is a great idea. It could be a very gritty, very different war film, if you could write it.
     
  3. TimAyro
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    TimAyro Member

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    Family Guy does something like this? Never saw that episode. I chose pilots because I fly occasionally. Definitely don't want to write something related to Family Guy.

    I agree with the normal soldiers being a more gritty, rough kind of attitude.

    I really don't want it to be a war film, but just based in a war. I want it to be about how two people can bond under the worst of circumstances.

    And I've never heard of Norman Mailer.

    Don't worry about letting me down. I need some good tough criticisms, because if I ever want to make a good screenplay, with many people watching the movie, I need to try to appeal to as many people as possible, and that is taking as many suggestions as I can but keep a balance.
     
  4. arron89
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    arron89 Banned

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    If I were to try to write this, especially with the intention of seeing it made, I would abandon the idea of setting it in the war. That kind of movie would be well beyond the budget of the people who would most likely end up filming your script (don't count on having it picked up by a major studio, and even if you do, don't count on them throwing millions of dollars at it).

    Instead, I would focus on the family after the war, back in their home town. It would allow you much greater capacity to explore the emotional ramifications of the war, the bond between the brothers and the aftermath of the war in general. Basically, I think it would make a much more emotional movie anyway. You can invoke the events of the war much more emotionally by having them recounted by a (good) actor, and letting us see the emotional effects first-hand, rather than focussing on pointless action and less on the emotions.

    The only problem (maybe) with that approach over the other is that you would have to be a much better writer to pull it off. With a huge budget, its easy to make an appealing movie, just throw in some action sequences, blow **** up, hire some celebrities...if you wanted to really make this work, you would need to be able to write a very subtle, nuanced and emotional script and find some great actors to work in it.

    And go and read some ****ing Norman Mailer!! How have you not heard of him? He's one of the great American novelists....
     
  5. Nobeler Than Lettuce
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    Nobeler Than Lettuce Contributing Member

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    Well I'm glad you've been so good about it. I thought I was being overly rough. Budding writers need a lot of attention, even if it's completely bad. I go through long periods toil for a gleaming few brilliant moments. I only mention this because screenwriting is a very competitive industry. Expect a lot of crap.

    Aside from that, I feel like the poster above gave you some very cordial advice.
     
  6. HorusEye
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    HorusEye Contributing Member Contributor

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    It's a good start that you think in visual drama. I could sense that from your synops. It's key if you wanna write for movies. Just give yourself time to mature, explore life and develope characters until you get under their skin. Then I'm sure you'll pull off a more subtle and less spectacle-dependant story. And a better one too :)
     
  7. TimAyro
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    TimAyro Member

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    Thanks guys, I'll go check out Norman Mailer today, any suggestions of a good book?

    I think if I tried doing something after the war, it would be alot harder to write about. I'll admit it, in my mind I pictured filler of war scenes, but nothing drastically long and boring.

    I think I think visually all the time. I used to try novels when I was young, but that never worked because I would write out endless dialogue, like a script.
     
  8. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    listen to arron, tim!... sadly, he's right on the money with all of it...

    and fyi, movie scripts are not just dialog, nor even mostly dialog... here's a very good rundown on the role dialog plays in the screenplay:

    http://victorian.fortunecity.com/cloisters/46/ch2.htm

    as for norman mailer, he was a screenwriter, as well as being one of america's most controversial and respected authors...

    http://www.biblio.com/author_biographies/2087635/Norman_Mailer.html
     
  9. TimAyro
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    TimAyro Member

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    I know how scripts are. But that's how I write. I'm saying, I don't write how a novelist does. I better with describing what the camera should see, the mood it should set, etc, etc up to the point of dialogue. Thanks for the link though! I can still use tons of help on it.

    I do want to find a different setting, but I don't know what. My mine isn't so creative, hence why I am trying to expand it.

    I went out just now to find Norman Mailer books, and I forgot it's Thanksgiving so EVERYTHING is closed. Even fast food places -.-
     
  10. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    where do you live?... must a very small town, 'cause i've been all over the u s and never seen a place that closes down everything just for thanksgiving... in fact, 'eatout' places usually have special thanksgiving dinners, for those who don't want to cook...
     
  11. TimAyro
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    TimAyro Member

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    I live in King of Prussia, home to one of the largest malls in the world. So...not really a small town haha

    Moving to LA in a few months, not a small town either =P
     

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