Tom Cruise cruises at 100 mph into 200-foot, twenty-tonned, steel crucifix. Was counting rosary beads when accident occured. Astronaut develops...
Shares plummet following an announcement by top scientists that announcements by top scientists cause shares to plummet. Reporters expect a more detailed announcement from top scientists about the phenomenon of announcements by top scientists causing shares to fall at a press conference tomorrow. Reputable investors recommend you sell your shares before then. Stay tuned. The longtime President of I.A.S. (the International Acronym Society) has resigned after...
The longtime President of I.A.S. (the International Acronym Society) has resigned after an infiltration by the Evil League of Inconsistency. "It was like hell on earth!" Declares I.A.S. Secretary of Recording, "How can 'GPD' POSSIBLY stand for Bermuda?!" The Secretary went on to call the Evil Leagues' actions, "Irreparably stupid, and pointless." We will be following this story, and will give you more information as this story progresses. U.S. scientists are experimenting on a new method for...
I am a page 10 girl, trying to get to page 3 by seducing famous footballers, pop stars, and anyone else who may have a quid or two. Ex-president Bush has announced...
Ex-president Bush has announced that it was not the Taliban that caused the 9/11 attack, it was him! Grandpa did not....
Timon the Meerkat was found dead today in his African desert home. A distraught Pumbaa claims to have witnessed his dear friend's last moments, saying that he had been singing to a lion the night before. Local Impi warriors are still on the lookout for the lion in question, but so far, have no leads. Local Renaissance enthusiast...
Local Renaissance enthusiast... finds masterpiece in Sponge Bob coloring book. Bowling champion discusses...
...selling the access code of the Death Star to Rebel sympathizers, Imperial News reports. Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith has interrogated them by Force Strangulation, but got little else out of it. They are to be interrogated further at a undisclosed place. The McWeegie Ice Cream Shop...
The McWeegie Ice Cream shop was sited for serving ice cream topped with chocolate dipped bugs without their customers knowledge. It has been proven that peanut M&M's are...
It has been proven that peanut M&M's are, by all accounts, tasty and deliscious. Townsfolk in Wales...
Townsfolk in Wales... agreed unanimously that they'd rather be known as the "Townsfolk in Halibut" Local artist arrested for painting...
Local Artist Arrested For Painting A Picture Of Irish Prime Minister Sitting On Lavatory . ( Actually , true! )
Working in the Mohave to uncover the lost treasure of Purplebeard the sandpirate, archaeologists have inadvertently discovered what - according to project leader Peter Peterson - appears to be some kind of neolithic gambling center, or casino. The center also seems to be nestled between a repository of containers - possibly of alcohol and other inhibition-minimizing items - and a lending institution, evidenced by numerous crude safes, stone pellet-like currencies and abacuses. Researchers believe this discovery could shed light on the practice of gambling and associated trades as being endemic to human nature, and as preceding by millenia capitalism and profiteering as we know it. Last Tuesday, a marine-biology expedition off the coast of Baja California unexpectedly discovered...
Last Tuesday, a marine-biology expendition off the coast of Baja California unexpectedly discovered a set of molluscan seashells. These rare shells thought to be the same as the sole constituent of a bracelet worn by a Brazilian princess in the 18th century, are able to emit visible lights when exposed to ultraviolet rays. This has sparked quick interest in fashion designers like Gucci and Carlo Sensini, who reportedly, are after the few, precious shells. Year 2050. UEFA Champions League Final in Pluto: NASA and the European football association are making a multi-million plan to...
