1. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    On the nature of friendship.

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Wreybies, Jun 25, 2008.

    Last night William (my boyfriend) gave voice to the fact that he is jealous of the time I spend talking with the fine folks on this forum. When I tried to explain how much I enjoy spending time with my friends, he said, in Spanish, “Those aren’t your friends. You don’t know those people.”

    I was shocked! :eek:

    I don’t make friends easily. My circle of friends can be counted on two hands with fingers to spare. I do not like making friends in the gay community, because it is rare for me to find fellow gays who are not severely damaged or affected by growing up gay. That sounds awful, but it’s true. The kinds of gays I get along with are not usually annexed to The Community, thus they are found by chance.

    I told William, “Welcome to the 21st century! These are my friends! It doesn’t matter that I have never met them in the flesh. I talk to them all day, and we talk about things that are interesting to me and to them.”

    You guys really are my friends. :p

    I wonder what kind of teacher Wolfie is. Is he the cool teacher or the hard-ass teacher who gives a wicked report to do over the spring break?

    I wonder how pretty the trees are in Cogito’s yard when the autumn changes their colors.

    I wonder what Maia has for breakfast on her tiny little island in the middle of nowhere.

    I wonder if Chimmy and I have walked through the same antique stores in St. Augustine, maybe even on the same day! Have we passed each other? Have I said hello to her in the flesh? I always say hello to anyone who looks friendly.

    I wonder what Banzai’s house looks like and what music he listens to.

    I wonder who Aurora Black pals around with and where he goes while he’s on vacation.

    I explained all of these things to William and he understood a little better.

    Am I the only one who has a loved one who has felt jealous of the forum?
     
  2. Heather Louise
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    Heather Louise Contributing Member Contributor

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    You're not alone with this love, the lad I am seeing at the moment was not jelous of the forum as such, but of the time I spend talking to one of the members on here. It is just stupid paranoia as far as I am concerned, I told him there was nothing to worry about and end of. Whether he is still jelous or not I am not sure but he hasn't made any sarky comments for a while so I am hoping he has sorted it out.
     
  3. Gone Wishing
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    Gone Wishing Contributing Member

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    Not jealous, as such - more nonplussed or bewildered at the strength of the friendships that I have formed with people I've met on-line.

    The first forum I ever joined was quite small, and was a very close-knit community... We all became like family, and communicated outside of the forum also, so that when it closed recently, we all still had ways to keep in touch (some of us live in the same areas and have met in real life, and others I communicate with via MSN, traditional mail as well as email, and small groups created through online applications).

    I count the people that I met on that forum as my best friends. :)
     
  4. Rumpole40k
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    Rumpole40k Banned

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    My wife used to get jealous, until she got her own laptop and found a mothering forum. Now ... well I amde a comment the other day that started an enitre battle on her forums. She wouldn't let me read it. LOL.

    BTW Wrey, I do count you as a friend (and I'm the cool teacher that does his damnest to make sure everyone passes).
     
  5. ChimmyBear
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    ChimmyBear Contributing Member Contributor

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    Ohhh Wrey, I do know what you mean..except I get it from my entire community of family and friends!!! Not a one of them believe that you can form strong relationships with your forum friends.

    I have been called crazy for three good months now. I think it comes from ignorance...and I mean that in an innocent way. They haven't experienced it, so they can't know what it feels like to see the name of a friend on the morning tavern, or a special name on the PM box. it's like..."Eww Eww...I gotta read it now!"

    They don't get to experience Mack's love for all things Tori Amos, and can't know the feeling of hearing a song and thinking.."I wonder if she likes this one?"

    Or see a Mike's Hard Lemonade in the grocery store and smile, because the last time you were on the forum Wolfie was drinking one grading test papers.

    Cog's words of wisdom to me have been printed off on several occasions and put into a journal of things I wish to remember...words which have made a difference in my life. Tori has too! :D

    And who else gave me much encouragement when my relationship with the ex fiancée feel apart?...it was my forum friends. I don't take that lightly.

    And Wrey, I have wondered the same about you, many times!! :D
     
  6. Rumpole40k
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    Rumpole40k Banned

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    Or see a Mike's Hard Lemonade in the grocery store and smile, because the last time you were on the forum Wolfie was drinking one grading test papers.


    LOL! Maybe we shouldn't be advertising that little fact Chim. LOL!
     
  7. ChimmyBear
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    ChimmyBear Contributing Member Contributor

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    LMAO!!!! I just lost a mouth full of water....okay..maybe not...:D LOL!!
     
  8. ValianceInEnd
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    ValianceInEnd Active Member

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    My family doesn't get jealous of me spending time on these forums. They think it's a waste of time though. :mad:
     
  9. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Jealousy, insecurity - what a waste. Friendships are based partly on common interests, but friendship should not be held hostage because the other person has interests you don't share.

    No two people are alike. So why should two people expect that their every interest must match 1:1 in order for the friendship to be solid?
     
  10. lessa
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    lessa Contributing Member

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    Unfortunately I was the jealous one.
    We got in on computers at the first. Dom was 2 and Don was working out of town for 8 days and home for 6. So we didn't see much of him and he would come home and set up the computer and lose himself in it at night.
    I was not jealous so much of people but of the time.
    Then when computers got to be better and easier to use the boys took to them like fish to water and I was jealous again of the time.
    Finally I figured if you can't beat them join them.
    We now have 4 computers set up in the two offices and I spend much time reading, writing and just enjoying meeting people.
    This and one other site are the only ones that Don doesn't visit unless I ask him to do something for me.
    He has quite a few sites that he enjoys talking on Politics, Vans, and one where he talks with an author of a set of books.
    I guess 32 years of marriage have made it that we are comfortable with what each other does when separate.
    It took me quite a few years to reach that point but it is pleasant to be here.
     
  11. FoxyMomma
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    FoxyMomma Contributing Member

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    8 years ago, I was 20 years old, pregnant with my first baby and on complete bedrest. I was going stir crazy, until I found a chat room for expectant mothers. I know that Adam was jealous, but he was working 60-70 hours a week, since I had to quit my job. He understood my boredom and need for friends at the time.

    In the past, my time spent on the computer has caused riffs in our relationship. One time in particular when I was upset with him and refused to tell him why, but I told everyone in the chat room. Ooops! We got through it though.

    IRL, I have one friend (other than family, which doesn't count). She lives 50 miles away and I never get to see her. I never get to talk to her either. (except weekends and after 9 when it's free, we both only have cell phones and are on different networks.) The people on this forum are my only source of companionship at the moment. For that, I am truly grateful. Even with a full blown migraine for the past 5 days, here I am, making sure I'm not forgotten!
     
  12. Firefly
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    Firefly Member

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    I don't think anybody in this family is jealous about me and the computer (except for my younger brother when he wants to play his games), but that's just because they're all just about as bad as me.

    In real life, I have...let's see...two friends in my area, with two more halfway across the US. And I don't see my friends often because even the ones in the same state live too far to just walk there. So I even keep in touch with my real-life friends over the internet. And my family understands this, even though my mom says I should get out more often. I suppose she's probably right.
     
  13. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    one of the following, depending on mood/time/availability:

    cold cereal
    english muffin
    fried egg sandwich
    hard-boiled eggs [2] and rye toast
    pastina ['italian baby food' my lifetime fave]
    rice pudding
    scrambed eggs [2] and english muffin

    and i'm pleased 'n proud to be called your 'friend'

    love and hugs, m
     
  14. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    I won't comment on the jealousy part...but I will say that I class people on here as my friends. I've come to know a few really well in my time here and get along well with them. I'm rather an anti-social person. People annoy me, for many reasons. On the net, I just hit the little red cross and you are all gone if I am sick of you <I know that sounds nasty, I don't mean it in a bad way even though it sounds bad....I'll shush now>

    But I have had me fair share of people saying that they hate that I prefer to be on here talking to people I don't know rather than going out to parties, getting drunk, dumping my children, etc. Plus, I tend to have a far more intellectual conversation with many people on here, than I do away from the internet. I mean, there is only so many minutes you can sit and listen to someone rave on about the last party they went to and how many people they slept with before you just want to grab the nearest object and ram it through their face....:D love me :D hehe!
     
  15. ugu
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    ugu Member

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    I used to have online friends. I've sort of ditched them, though, and lately I either can't make online friends or don't want to. These days I go to online communities mainly to ask questions, not socialize, and leave when I feel like it.

    My online persona and my offline persona are slowly becoming consistent with each other...
     
  16. Darthgumby
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    Darthgumby Member

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    yeah, i have maybe three good friends. Maybe if you need more friends you shouldn't go throwing difficult words like Mitochondrial at us. I tell you if i didn't have the internet to look up words, i would be so lost.
     
  17. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    Have no doubt that mitochondrial is a lovely word, but when and where did I use it? :D

    Anywho... I like for my friends to be able to bandy about words like mitochondrial with insouciance. A healthy vocabulary is the sign of a well fed mind.
     
  18. Darthgumby
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    Darthgumby Member

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    yeah, but what good is knowledge if it cannot be shared?
     
  19. Night
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    Night Member

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    I haven't really been at this particular forum long, but I've got a few online friends and a ton of online acquaintances. My family can't stand that I spend so much time online, and I get yelled at about it a lot, but I don't care. They're my friends, and they mean just as much to me online as they would if I knew them for real.
     
  20. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    But I am sharing the knowledge! Using such vocabulary made you look on the web for their meanings! Voila, you have garnered new knowledge! :D
     
  21. Darthgumby
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    Darthgumby Member

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    egad! you're right. I'm scared...
     
  22. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    You still never told me. When did I say mitochondrial....? :p
     
  23. soujiroseta
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    soujiroseta Senior Member Contributor

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    i must say this post couldnt have come at a better time. just when everyone around me is saying that i spend too much time here, that the forum is stuid:eek: and that the people i meet here are as good as bad fiction...i showed them this thread and they blatantly denied jealousy, they being my current crush and brother. Thank you Wreybies:)
     
  24. Darthgumby
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    Darthgumby Member

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    well i think i won't tell you because i want to make things difficult. i got nothing better to do with my time.
     

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