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  1. GingerCoffee

    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

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    Grammar One person mocking the words of two: one paragraph or two?

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by GingerCoffee, Aug 9, 2015.

    “You’re going close to the Founder city!” I said in a whiney voice mocking Darcy’s words.
    “You’re going to get us all killed,” I mimicked Corinne.​

    OR

    “You’re going close to the Founder city!” I said in a whiney voice mocking Darcy’s words. “You’re going to get us all killed,” I mimicked Corinne.
    I haven't settled on this passage yet but I need to know either way: if one person repeats different people's words, is that one paragraph or two?

    Thanks.
     
  2. Ben414

    Ben414 Contributing Member Contributor

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    I vote one paragraph. It reads better IMO, and I wouldn't think that the content of the dialogue would affect the new paragraph for new people speaking rule.
     
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  3. Steerpike

    Steerpike Felis amatus Supporter Contributor

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    I vote for one as well, and I think if you change the structure so that you the mimicking of Caroline comes last it may work better:

    “You’re going close to the Founder city!” I said in a whiney voice mocking Darcy’s words. My voice slid into Caroline's high drawl, “You’re going to get us all killed."

    Not that Caroline has a high drawl, but you get the idea. I think the structure is more stilted when you use the same for both sentences.
     
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  4. Aaron DC

    Aaron DC Contributing Member

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    I'd say one paragraph also. Does the preceding text show that Darcy and Corinne have said similar things?

    Could you simplify it further?

    I mocked them both. “You’re going close to the Founder city![” “]You’re going to get us all killed!”

    I think the way you have it now is a bit tell-y? Doesn't flow. Nit picking guaranteed.
     
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