1. Black Ashes
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    Black Ashes Member

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    Opinions + Suggestions for Story Enemies

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Black Ashes, Nov 13, 2011.

    I just wanted to see what people would think of the Hazgon I set up for the story so far; to see if my ideas were original or not.

    Seraph: Seraphs were designed as the ultimate doomsday weapon against humanity. Though human-sized, their computing power, intelligence, and built-in weapons make them superior to most forms of Hazgon. The main protagonist is the prototype model.

    Silverback: Large, dinosaur-like Hazgon who's primary attack consists on bludgeoning humans to death; they require lots of cooling; so two large cooling vents are located on their scapula's. To protect these vents, two drapes of Hazgon "heavy-duty" kevlar/mesh descend from the Silverback's clavicles. Because of the wild thrashing that is their attacking, Humans are somewhat able to damage Silverbacks.

    "Trooper": Standard-issue Hazgon grunt; easy to manufacture, easy to modify, easy to field. They'll act as the book's staple enemy.
    Q: What should the name be, no name is official yet.

    Vampire: A flying G-class Hazgon that's designed to sabotage human starships, human AA Guns, human bases, etc. (resembling http://www.tfu.info/2000/Maximal/Nightscream/beastmode.jpg). They use vast quantities of energy in short amounts of time, thus they drain then energy from large human emplacements, and then use that energy in powerful attacks.
    Note: G-Class Hazgon are giant Hazgon that require heavy weaponry, vehicles, or combat mechs to destroy.
     
  2. shangrila
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    shangrila Member

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    I kind of like "Hounds". They fit the kind of creature/animal naming theme and they could be used like game hunters use real life hounds, i.e. the Hounds go in to find the enemy and then the larger ones come in to finish them off.

    The rest looks good. I like how they all seem to have clear weaknesses. The Seraphs might be a little overpowered though.
     
  3. Black Ashes
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    Black Ashes Member

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    That's the point; the only one is the main protagonist (who's a prototype of the model) and most of his abilities/weapons are lockdown during the plot's duration.
     
  4. Gfire
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    Gfire Member

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    As long as he gets to use them at some point, though. As a reader, I would really love to actually see them in action. I might feel a bit ripped off if everyone is just in weak mode the whole time. Of course, this must be balanced with things not being too easy for him. It's a tough thing to write. Maybe if it's kinda glitchy and we see fragments of power throughout the story, or something.

    Troopers feel a little boring and not too original. I don't have any ideas to make them interesting, though, sorry.
     
  5. Black Ashes
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    Black Ashes Member

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    That's something that's impossible to make original; they're the cannon fodder, the basic grunts, they're naturally designed to be boring. But I see your POV.
     
  6. James Berkley
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    James Berkley Banned

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    Maybe they are programmed with a short life span, making them have nothing to “live” for.
     
  7. Black Ashes
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    Black Ashes Member

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    Elaborate.
     
  8. Mckk
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    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    I don't understand - what's your question?

    And none of those sound original, and all you've done is given us a lot of description, and based on that alone, I can't tell if it's interesting or not.

    And btw, Silverback is a type of male dominant gorilla - I'd choose a different name if I were you. Seraph is also a tad cheesy - reminded me instantly of Evangelian (Angels were the enemies in that anime - basically super fighter robotic aliens, as far as I understood). Anime has a way of pulling off cheesy a lot of the times, but in western prose it's much harder I find. Mind you, with an interesting appearance, Seraph could be a good name.
     
  9. James Berkley
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    James Berkley Banned

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    Generally we know that people that know/ feel their lives have a short time left take more risks. Look at people that where close to Chernobyl blast and the level of injuries and STD’s they incur. It’s also seen in people with diseases that decrees their life expectancy to a few years. At that point the potential cost of dangerous activates greatly decreases because you have less “life”. in a military context that can be translated into a majorly decreased care about survival. Look at some of the warrior philosophy from the ages. It generally holds a theme of death in battle is a good thing, or advocates a personal outlook of already being dead.
     
  10. Black Ashes
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    Black Ashes Member

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    I chose the Silverback because of several reasons, they still act "apeish", walking on all fours outside battle, literally swinging into battle, and having an overall silvery-color. I will admit that I took inspiration from the Gears of War Kantus, Incredible Hulk's Abomination, and Batman's Killer Croc.

    I may have to agree with the Seraph; the model looks like some medieval warrior compared to their high-tech looking brothers (ironic how the most advanced robot would look the most primitive). For naming purposes, I at first came up with "XG" but I couldn't think of any words that match those letters.

    I liked the concept of Vampires draining energy from other beings or objects to power itself (Halo Wars is a excellent example). I wanted a big, imposing sapper-like enemy that'd dominate targets larger than itself while being virtually useless against targets smaller than itself.

    Not sure how to fix your 2nd paragraph though,
     
  11. cruciFICTION
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    cruciFICTION Contributing Member Contributor

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    Seraph makes me think of Sephiroth, but it also makes me think of a really skinny, weak robot. Remember, the more metal it's made of, the harder it is to cut down! *Shakes iron fist*
    With your main being a prototype, I wonder if he'll meet other prototypes? Was he the final prototype? Was the somewhere in the middle?

    Silverback makes me think of a gorilla, and I just can't get over the fact it's a dinosaur. Really, to be perfectly honest with you, I could never imagine that as a dinosaur while reading.

    Trooper names for you? Sure! I don't know what the hell a Hazgon is, but you could call them: "Hazgon Type-N"
    I mean, they're just cannon fodder.
     
  12. Black Ashes
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    Black Ashes Member

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    Seraph will meet another like him, but I can't reveal much without spoiling it.

    Silverbacks look reptilian, having a similar appearance to the Incredible Hulk's Abomination/Batman's Killer Croc. Overall, its a silver mechanical version of this: thanks to Zercon for the awesome picture. The Silverback'll have many ape-like habits like I explained in my previous post.
     
  13. Flashfire07
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    Flashfire07 Active Member

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    In brief. No, I don't think they are original. Sorry if I seem rude in this post, I have a notorious lack of tact.

    A giant saboteur that will attract heavy weapons fire? That seems.... less than useful. If I were designing an energy draining, flying creature for sabotage I would make it at least half the size of a human. If you mean that the creature is designed for assaulting bases, AA batteries and starships then it is acceptable for it to have a larger size.

    'Tin Can', 'Dustbin', 'Skeleton', I'll need more description if I'm to come up with a decent name on this.

    Overall I think that they have potential, good luck with your story!
     
  14. Black Ashes
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    Black Ashes Member

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    That's what Vampires do; they drain large objects. For smaller objects... maybe a Hazgon Mosquito with a small part time job of infiltrating human base and gathering information.

    They have a overall humanoid-build. While plates cover most of the body, most of the joints are exposed; their heads are rectangular heads with four equally-sized optics so losing two eyes wouldn't reduce combat effectiveness.

    Some grenades are vial-shaped, such as the "Phoenix Breath" thermite grenade. So, Hazgon Trooper's have a slot in their left forearm that allows storage for an extra grenade, then the slot closes. When the trooper wants to throw that grenade, the slot opens up, and the trooper flicks his arm toward the target.

    There's lots of subdivisions of Troopers, who can even modify themselves to fit the combat situation. Close-quarters: equips a shotgun and short-range radar. Long range: turns on heat-vision and equips longest-range weapon available. They adapt well if they have the resources.
     
  15. cruciFICTION
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    cruciFICTION Contributing Member Contributor

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    Yes, but it's a dinosaur, which makes no sense.
     
  16. Black Ashes
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    Came up with the idea of Diamondback, but it made them sound invincible. Now I see "dinosaur" was the wrong choice of words. "Having a reptilian head, claws, and serrated teeth" sounds more like my original idea.
     
  17. Pythonforger
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    Pythonforger Carrier of Insanity

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    Call them "Hazgon Type M"s. "M" stands for Mecha, but the inside joke is that it stands for Mobber.
     
  18. Black Ashes
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    Black Ashes Member

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    Hah,
     
  19. AJ Winters
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    AJ Winters Member

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    I like them all, particularly the Seraphs - sort of reminds me of Terminators, but in a different way. :)
     
  20. Black Ashes
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    Black Ashes Member

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    Finally, I need the main Human Government name.
     
  21. James Berkley
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    James Berkley Banned

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    So something bothersome,
    Isn’t the fact that you are in futuristic combat and you have large troops that’s only job is to do hand to hand combat a little weird. Warfare keeps becoming a affair where we can fight opponents that are further and further away. Why the use of robots that smash stuff and suck power? I would think most human weapons,(like modern ones) would inflict mass casualties on these types of troops before they reached the ground forces.
     
  22. Black Ashes
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    Black Ashes Member

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    I'll probably come up with more along the way. I'm thinking of pretty-advanced Hazgon as well. One is a "Vibrator" or a "Quickling" who vibrates at fast enough speeds to literally move through solid objects. Then I have a "Siege Beast" who is a like a long-range version of the Silverback; they carry a large cannon on their back which requires the Hazgon to "lockdown" onto the ground in order to absorb the recoil.
     
  23. Flashfire07
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    Flashfire07 Active Member

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    I have a suggestion regarding the ranged disadvantage. If this is not set on earth then the terrain could favour short range combat, thus allowing a suitably tough melee attacker to get close enough to do damage without getting shot to pieces. Or perhaps personal shields if you want to really get into the sci-fi territory.
     
  24. ScreamsfromtheCrematory
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    Are Hazgon bio-organic robots?

    I imagine the Seraphs are portrayed as a sort of warrior elite, top of the rung, and basically halfways between special forces/commandos and royal guard? What sorts of weaponry are they armed with, what goes into creating/training them, and is there any socio-cultural mystique surrounding them?

    Silverback's sound really inefficient unless we're talking a sort of 40K setting that gives the big eff-you to realism and it can expect to fight other similarly large foes on a daily basis. If you're going to have something that big that needs to get close to inflict damage, it better have some ranged weaponry and if it's that big and we're running by video-game-realism, then they should have things such as cannons, mortars, heavy machine guns, and other such things.

    Troopers? Well, every massive army of evil needs their generic disposable mass-dispensable grunts. What will they be armed with and how can they be modified for different tactical situations. Why not call them envicors? It's derived from "envico" which means "conquer" in latin.

    I can't see the picture in the link but is it basically a giant bat like creature that latches unto and energy drains a ship?
     
  25. Devrokon
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    Devrokon Senior Member

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    I think the perfect solution is a human/cyborg organism that grows tissue like the terminator but has an inner shell like a robot. However, there is a brain controlling the whole thing. If you've ever played Sega Genesis, think of Rax from Eternal Champions-- or look it up. :D
     

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