Well, read it again. I think you misunderstood the point I was trying to make. Also, sexual selection can be grouped into the category of natural selection. That may be the more specific term you seek. Edit: ARGH EDITS.
Ah, I hope I didn't offend or insult or bother anyone. I'm a little mentally and emotionally unstable.
Shallowness pisses me off to an unbelievable extent. Especially people who confuse being selective with just being shallow. I had this one guy friend who was completely perplexed as to why he couldn't get a girlfriend, so, trying to help, he asked me to view a bunch of photos/hear the backstory, of the girls he was chasing after to assess his potential problems in establishing a romantic connection. Firstly, they were all stunningly beautiful. Your conventional models, I'll say. Now, I'm not going to say my friend was a bad looking chap, he was rather handsome in his own way, but let's face it, the inital problem I identified was that he was pursuing girls based on how stunning they were upon first impression... not effective .. I suggested this to him and he completely flipped out. 'Well excuse me!' he said, 'Sorry if I have high standards'. I then tried to explain to him that girls that may not conform to his standard of physical attraction in the beginning, will, mostly likely, become more attractive as he gets to know them. I tried to explain that girls that may not be his ‘type’ will become his type through the establishment of a mental and emotional connection with them. He then told me he 'got along' with these girls and that they were 'great'. Did I say they weren't great and he didn't get along with them? Unfortunately he couldn't realise there's more to the formation of a relationship than simply whether or not you get along with them, for example, what about the girls and their opinion on the situation? This was another problem I identified- it's fruitless to attempt to form a romantic connection with a girl who may not be interested.. especially if he's been pursuing them for months without any clear response. Anyway, apparently my opinions were super-dooper unfair, and because he couldn't understand the difference between being selective and judging a girls 'romantic potential' based nearly entirely on her decorative quality. The whole situation still irritates me til today and everytime I'm reminded of such ignorance my gut flips upside down.
Really? So you think you could find a woman with whom to repoduce if you didn't learn language, didn't learn to recognise other humans, didn't learn to read and express emotion, and then, on a more petty scale, learn to dress and behave in a way acceptable to society and, on an even tinier level, learn to act in a way that makes you more attractive than any other person? There are countless social and biological adaptations that go into making a creature capable of functioning in a society and finding a mate. Attraction is one such adaptation whose sole function is to indicate how viable your offspring with that person would be. The problem with this in our society is that our biological imperatives are no longer congruent with our social and cultural preferences. So you get this big twisted mess of contradictory views on attractiveness and such based on how each individual responds to the various impulses that result from not only his innate genetic makeup and natural predisposition, but also the constantly shifting pressures that come from society.
If you're led by the hand all the way and taught exactly how to do something, then do it, that's adaptation? Not in my book. (That's for the whole, wearing clothes and speaking language thing.) Do you have to look better than everyone to reproduce? Nope. Do you have to strive to look better than someone to reproduce? Nope. Do you have to strive to be more mentally attractive to reproduce? No. Do you have to change your state of mind to reproduce? No not really. Rapists reproduce too, are they well adapted? Hell no. How about that guy who kept his own daughter hidden and raped her continuously, she still had his children right? You can reproduce without being well adapted, that's the only point I sought to make with that statement, if any.
It's not bad if you have high standards... My own standards are quite high in some areas and not so high in others. For instance, appearance doesnt matter to me at all. You could be truly hideous, half warewolf, wheelchair bound or even bloody amorphous --doesnt bother me a bit. But my God man, you've got to be smarter than me. I just refuse to settle for someone who cant teach me something. It's one of the only things I really am picky about. Other than that, there just needs to be chemistry. I suppose 'shallow' comes in when you define what standards matter. The stick thin, blonde, anorexic skeleton-sexy look is getting very old and too vanilla for me, though. Good god, men. Grow a brain and develop your own tastes. Regardless, debating someone's mating methods is utterly pointless, in my opinion. If (s)he wants to make what you consider a bad choice, remember, who are you to interfere in his life?
Well, people attract at their own levels. If you think you're the scum of the earth, you're going to attract other dull characters... if you think you're God's gift to humanity, you're likely to attract other egoists (egotists?). If you're satisfied with and love yourself, you'll find someone who loves you too. Usually. I'm very hands-off about it all. Is it jerky and shallow to judge by appearance and appearance alone? Certainly. But what goes around comes around, in this case at least.
Uh, that's not true. Well if it is, I am on an entirely different level from anyone else. I don't attract anyone lol
Then perhaps you are the anti-self? If you are nothing, then nothing will be attracted... Okay, lame attempt at a joke fueled only by exhaustion. Good night! And, to everyone, quit getting so worked up over other people's methods. In the end, it's only your own happiness that matters (YOU ARE THE CENTER OF THE YOU-NIVERSE), and those who screw up will get what they deserve.
Well, hello Cynical Cindy! My name is Optimistic Olga, and I shall accept none of your negativity! (Seriously now. Quit arguing so I can go to bed. )
I prefer realism to optimism. People sometimes say that it's so the only surprises they get are positive, but right now I can think of none. Realism is the way to go Just go before I poison you with my negativity haha. Sleep well.
Luckily, there are those of us that are shallow on the opposite end of the spectrum: I only look at bigger gals.
Because of emotional attachments, doll. It's much easier to harass someone you don't know than someone who will be blindsided by your cruelty. And let me just say that that guy is an dick. Straight up ass. But I do understand why he did it. I was the same way for a long time; I would get these random girls' numbers and would call and talk and all would be well. Then we'd meet. And that would be the end of it, right there. Yes, I was shallow, only because I could afford to be. Emotions played no part in the game I played, and the heartache I caused was of no importance to me. And it was wrong. Hopefully that's what that guy will realize; what he did was wrong. He could have at least attempted friendship after realizing there was no physical attraction towards you. I have plenty of female friends that I have no physical attraction towards. It's not because they're bad looking, either; it just sometimes doesn't click with them, you know? Now I can tell you that you're beautiful and whatnot all day, but I won't. Why? Because likely, you're getting enough of that already. In truth, that shouldn't make you feel better. It should inspire you to act; to correct the "flaws" that you perceive with yourself. But know this: regardless of what you do there is someone out there who will love you for exactly what you are. I truly believe that with the amount of people living on this earth that there has got to be someone for everyone. And hell, when I was 12-15, my acne was pretty bad. But I managed it by developing habits that would take focus off my face and more on my sense of humor. Well, I call it developing habits, but most would call it being a jackass. Anyway, God bless darling.
Wow. Thank you very much, Marshmallow. That actually helped a lot lol. The hard thing that I'm trying to get over at the moment is that I'm not happy with myself. I mean, I can say that I'm fine with my looks until I'm blue in the face, and I am... to a point... but when I look in the mirror, I'm sad because sometimes I wish I was the girl that boys stopped to look at when I walked by. Shallow, pathetic, but that's my secret little wish. I want that, and every time a guy like this last one blows me off, it just reminds me that I'm not. Anyway, I just want to say that I think it's awesome that my first post started this huge spurt of comments. You guys crack me up. I really enjoyed reading your debates.
Make it happen. I'm dead serious. Set a new year's resolution or something, but get to a point where you are comfortable with yourself. Because if you're not comfortable with yourself and people pick that up, they perceive it as weakness (and are they wrong?). Set yourself some goals or something, like this set here: In the coming year I will a) lose 20 pounds b) try different hairstyles/makeup/clothes and find a 'style' I think I look good in c) get a serious relationship started d) tell myself I am beautiful every day Or some such thing. Whatever you think will help you make yourself better, go for it.
I have a problem with that action plan. You placed: last, when in fact it is the most important, if not the only important, item. Having a swimsuit model body (that needs no airbrushing), or The (in-vogue) Look, or having an accessory of te appropriate gender should not be the basis of self-esteem. Hell, isn;t thay what this entire thread is about? Now sure, if you are happy with youself as you are, you will take care of yourself, and present yourself with pride. That will reveal itself in good hygiene, neat and trim appearance, clothing that doesn't try to hide or apologize for your shape/appearance. It will show itself in a confident air and a proud posture, and the best accessory of all, a spontaneous smile at appropriate times. Concentrate on what you like about yourself, not your "flaws"! EDIT: Oh, and don't wait for New Year's Day to set your resolve. Make today New You Day.
Read Vogue. Read W. Read as many fashion magazines as you can, go buy a sewing machine, and copy copy copy. If you dress amazingly, and have style (which can be learnt easily) then it doesn't matter so much what you actually look like. Yes, it might take a little (big) investment at first, but seriously, if you want people to stop and stare at you in the street, all you need are awesome clothes.
That is a good point. No matter how big or small or fat or skinny one's body may be, a good set of clothes and good grooming, along with a huge helping of confidence in onesself, will bring much fortune.
I am new to this site and just wanted to tell you that I appreciate your courage writing about something so personal to you. I can relate because I was always in great shape as a younger man. Until a few years ago when I injured my shoulder and could no longer lift weights like i was used to. And anyone who knows anything about weight lifting will know if you get big weight lifting and have to stop suddenly all that muscle turns to fat very quickly. So now instead the extra 60 lbs. of muscle i used to have i know have 30lbs. of extra fat. Add to that the fact i have a 40 year old metabolism and you can see the problem. Anyway thank you for sharing this so the rest of us realize we arent alone.
