1. funkybassmannick
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    funkybassmannick Contributing Member

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    Phrasing help!

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by funkybassmannick, May 31, 2011.

    "I am thrilled to start my journey as a doctor and as a leader in health care."

    as a doctor and as a leader?
    as both a doctor and leader in health care?
    Something else?


    Grammar isn't everything... Just kidding!
     
  2. cruciFICTION
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    cruciFICTION Contributing Member Contributor

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    I am thrilled to start my journey as a doctor, and as a leader in Health Care.

    A comma provides necessary hesitation and allows the change from the primary clause to the other thingy. And you capitalise Health Care.
     
  3. popsicledeath
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    popsicledeath Banned

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    I have much experiencing of a thrilling sensation for the starting of my journey in the capacity of doctor, as well as what could surely be considered by discerning eyes to be a leadership roll in the ever important field that is often referred to by the designation of heath care.

    At least that's what I would do.
     
  4. funkybassmannick
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    funkybassmannick Contributing Member

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    :) That's a little long? I'm looking at specifically the last half of the sentence, and what is the proper way to word that. I boldfaced the part in the OP.
     
  5. cruciFICTION
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    cruciFICTION Contributing Member Contributor

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    ... :S Did you miss my post there? All it really requires is a comma and some capitalisation.
     
  6. popsicledeath
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    popsicledeath Banned

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    It's intentionally long. I want to ensure only people of worthwhile education and pretense will bother getting to the end. It's my style, and there are no right or wrong answers!

    I'm thrilled to start my journey as a doctor and leader.

    The 'in health care' seems redundant or superfluous. I'd only have an explanation like that if it weren't something obvious, or if it were more specific, adding more information to 'doctor,' like a leader in neuroscience or a lead surgeon or something that actually tells us more.

    As is, but cutting off 'in health care', we still get some insights into the overall plans and aims of this doctor (not just a doctor, but also a leader), but it would probably be better to get a bit more specific.

    edit: nor would I capitalize 'heath care' but shruggles.
     
  7. art
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    art Contributing Member Contributor

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    Leaving aside stylistic concerns...why leader? Is there some specific position involved?
     
  8. LaGs
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    LaGs Banned

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    "Now is the perfect time for me to start out my journey as a doctor to eventually become a leader in health care."

    I said eventually as no one starts out as a doctor and immediately becomes a leader in health care. I don't know about the context though.

    Or you could phrase,

    "I am delighted/thrilled to now be able to fulfill my duties as a doctor, one day hoping to thrive as a leader in healthcare."

    At least that's how i would phrase it.
     
  9. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    it's fine both with the doubled 'as a' and 'as both a'...

    use whichever fits the context of your piece and your narrator's 'voice' best...

    and i don't see any need for a comma in the first version...
     
  10. Lilithmoon
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    Lilithmoon Member

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    I prefer...as both a doctor and leader in health care.

    I think...as a doctor and as a leader in health care-- sounds to repetitious.

    I can't comment on comma or no comma since I recently found out I know Jack & Squat on that subject.
     
  11. _Lulu_
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    _Lulu_ Member

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    I agree 100%
     
  12. thewordsmith
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    thewordsmith Contributing Member Contributor

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    A great deal would depend on the context of the statement. Is this part of a speech? Is it in response to a question?

    My first reaction was it should be, "I am thrilled to be starting ..." but, other than that, there is nothing wrong with your phrasing of the thought. It works fine.

    Of course, if you ask opinions of a hundred people, you will get one hundred answers. Opinions, you know, are like belly buttons. Everybody's got one. (Well, except those few who have had some sort of stomach surgery and no longer have one but ... yehhhh, that's another story. ) :eek:)
     
  13. thewordsmith
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    thewordsmith Contributing Member Contributor

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    Yehhh ... not so much. In and of itself, health care is not necessarily a proper name and so there is no mandate to capitalize. As a national concept, as in, National Health Care Reform it is the name of something, (as elusive as that may be!) However, in and of itself, it does not really require capitalization.
     
  14. Sundae
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    Sundae Contributing Member

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    I am thrilled to start my journey both as a doctor and a leader in health care field.

    Both before as sounds better to me.
     

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