Apparently, if you call someone a 'bitch' while in a school playground about these parts, this is what you're likely to hear in reply: 'A bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark grows on trees. Trees are nature. Nature is beautiful. Thanks for the compliment.' There are a few leaps in logic there, but, you've got to say, that's sensational. I'm sure we used to have similar tortuous stock retorts when I was a nipper but I can't remember them for the life me. Do folk know of/ remember others?