1. JennieRose8
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    JennieRose8 New Member

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    Please check this out

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by JennieRose8, Jul 8, 2011.

    I've got a story going involving a student/teacher relationship (not as corny or risque as you might be thinking) and one of the characters (the teacher's sister) is struggling with anorexia. Thanks to her weakened system, she has become susceptible to multiple infections (MRSA). And so I've sort of got a main plot and a sub plot that helps tie everything together, but I'm also writing for MRSA awareness. I'll soon have a page on my blog that deals with this.

    Here is the synopsis. Let me know what you think- and thanks ahead of time. :)

    Synopsis
    What's different about Mr. Shields? At first, Rebekah Rose thinks- or hopes- he's just a nerdy, boy scout of a teacher (albeit one who belongs on the cover of GQ). But she soon learns there's more to him. And while the boy scout part shines the most, she realizes a bad boy side dwells below the surface. Who or what keeps him in line and does he really want to stay there?

    While dating his brother, she discovers their sister has been struggling with anorexia and recurrent MRSA infections. Will Mr. Shields remain steady through it all? And how can she help?
     
  2. e(g)
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    e(g) Member

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    So, are you saying the main conflict here is going to be a battle to get this girl well from a MRSA infection? Or is it about Rebekah wanting both the teacher's brother and the teacher at the same time?

    From your synopsis, I'm not quite clear what the story is about. But perhaps I'm missing something obvious.
     
  3. EdFromNY
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    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    That's not a synopsis. It reads like the beginning of a query letter. You don't really tell us much about the story line at all.
     
  4. JennieRose8
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    JennieRose8 New Member

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    How much of the story line should I include in the synopsis? I don't want to give too much away. Just want to draw curiosity.
     
  5. JennieRose8
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    JennieRose8 New Member

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    The sister with the MRSA trouble is a sub plot that helps tie things together. There are other elements coming into play with the female MC.
     
  6. Lord Malum
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    Lord Malum Senior Member

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    A synopsis is a concise summary of the plot. No room for mystery about what will happen. Only the details are missing. Basically a skeleton of the story. Break it down to a couple paragraphs or so to present the entire plot.

    I'm with e(g), the plot is very unclear in the way you presented it.
     
  7. EdFromNY
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    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    As Lord Malum said, give us the skeleton of the story. This isn't a teaser; it's a tool to judge the potential of the story for development.
     
  8. darkhaloangel
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    darkhaloangel Active Member

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    Not much you can tell from three sentences. A piece like this will need characters with a lot of heart, maybe have some more plot twists along the way because it doesn't sound like a 'gripping' read at the moment.
     
  9. JennieRose8
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    JennieRose8 New Member

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    Well, thanks for your honest opinions. But not to worry, the plot itself is full of twists. LOL
     
  10. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    A story concept means nothing. I can tell you now, it has all been done before. What matters is how you write it, the characterization, the flow, the imagery, all of it.

    There's no benefit in asking what other people think of the concept! They'll either say,"Sounds great," or, "it sounds like a ripoff of..."

    If the idea stirs you, write it. Then ask people what they think of the final story. After they tell you what they don't like about it, revise it, usually several times, until you're happy with it or until you throw up your hands and say the hell with it.

    Please read What is Plot Creation and Development?
     
  11. cruciFICTION
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    cruciFICTION Contributing Member Contributor

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    I think the problem is that you're considering a synopsis and a blurb to be the same thing. Honestly, that three sentence thing read like a blurb.
     
  12. JennieRose8
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    JennieRose8 New Member

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    Yes, I think that's the problem here. Thank you for pointing that out. At any rate, blurb or synopsis, it could definitely be done better. So back to the drawing board. :cool:
     
  13. Lord Malum
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    Lord Malum Senior Member

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    So are we going to get a synopsis or just a bite-sized blurb? If we're going to talk plot, we need a plot to talk about.
     

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