Yes, tone is key. If you're just some cassanova bedding a woman for the night, you might say, 'she had some nice tits', but if it is your new bride, you would say, 'her breasts were perfectly sculpted, soft and miraculous'. It always depends on who is viewing said breasts. ~ J. J.
Scrap the 'sat on her chest like ( that phlegm monster from the cough syrup commercial?) really bad Word associations for me are: perfect, round, milk and raspberries. Can't presently make it into a good sentence but the contrast between the skin and the nipple, with yummy associations and clean, virginal imagery might be nice.
I don't know but, "She knelt on the bed and peeled off her shirt revealing her yummy breasts"...sounds good to me. ;P
You are not the OP, who is in FRANCE. I wasn't suggesting you were the one who is not a native speaker. Anyway, being located in Scotland now doesn't mean that you come from there, does it? You could originally be from Eastern Europe for all we know. However, if you are a native speaker then you should know that the past of "undo" is "undid". And you should also know that the term "native speaker" means your mother tongue is the language in question, in this case English. @erebh: as I say, you are in France, so I wasn't sure if your first language was English. Your stilted phrases made me wonder this even more, though.
Adjective 1.(of a manner of talking or writing) Stiff and self-conscious or unnatural: "we made stilted conversation". wow madhoca - One unfinished sentence looking for an ending it didn't need and you deduce my writing is unnatural / stiff, so much so that my first language could not possibly be English... Elmore Leonard has competition!
I'm Scottish born and breed, lived here for 47 years. But I do beg your pardon I though your 'native speaker' comment was directed me.
My positively last word on this--it never ceases to amaze me that some people come on a forum aimed at improving writing, and then quibble and complain if people don't like their style. If you check back, you will notice I am not the only person who finds your style/word choices unsuitable.
If I was lookin for a review or critique it would have been on the appropiate page. Personal slants I don't think are welcomed by anyone. A choice of words in an unfinished sentence of which gives away no backstory isn't a style therefore unsuitability is irrelevant. Madhoca - JJ Max - Madhoca - You are the only person to personally attack. What's great about this site is most of us can agree to disagree. I'm glad to see you've positively wasted your last word on this.
You've missed Cog's point - you wrote that "the woman's breasts sat on her chest" (paraphrase) and that sounds rather odd. The wording is clumsy. Later on you asked, where in your original post are grammar fundamentals missing. Well, you're missing a comma. Given the missing comma and that your sentence looks like it's gonna run-on like crazy (and run-on sentences are bad habits esp showing that the writer has no idea where to end a sentence), I can see why a user assumed you're not native. Besides, your location is France, so the user just made an assumption. So, your sentence: It should be: "She knelt on the bed and peeled off her shirt, revealing perfect breasts that..." Delete the "sat on her chest" - no matter which way you look at it, that's just clumsy wording. We know where breasts are, you don't need to specify they're on her chest - now if they were on her shoulders, you'd need to specify for sure. Maybe something like: "She knelt on the bed and peeled off her shirt, revealing perfect breasts: soft and sumptuous." Or "She knelt on the bed and peeled off her shirt, revealing round, perfect breasts." I wouldn't go for a simile unless you're going for quite trashy language - like if it were a one night stand or the man is particularly vulgar. Just my opinion.
