1. pianodog
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    pianodog New Member

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    Plot line for my graphic novel, loot

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by pianodog, Oct 10, 2015.

    So I'm working on establishing the central plot line of my story and the guide I'm following says to write a logline as in if your book was to appear as a tv program or netflix show, what would the description be. This is what I have:


    A young genius with the power to move in higher dimensional space is pulled from his low-class urban life to enter the ambitious world of mega power-house corporations competing with one another who’s violent warfare resembles that of big city mobsters.

    The idea is essentially a sort of action corporate thriller. It's a world in which business is huge and money controls much of everything but there is also forms of magic/super natural things. So would you say that this is sufficient for a logline of a story?
     
  2. Tenderiser
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    Tenderiser Not a man Contest Administrator Contributor

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    It's not the kind of genre I read but it sounds good to me. I get a sense of the main character, the main conflict, and there's a hook (his power). Good job.

    However, it's wordy. Try to read it aloud at a reasonable pace without taking a breath!

    This says the same thing but in fewer words: A young genius with the power to move in higher dimensional space is pulled from his low-class urban life to compete in the violent and ambitious world of mega corporations.
     
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  3. pianodog
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    pianodog New Member

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    Ok thanks so much :) Though the point I want to make is that these cooperations war at each other in a way that if brutal and involves assassins and kidnapping people who threaten their monopoly. An example would be that a medical company finds out that some guy has figured out something that works better than the drugs they are selling. They send assassins of some sort out to make it look like he committed suicide and destroy all his research.

    So your example works except for if I saw this in a description "violent and ambitious world of mega corporations" makes me think that they are ambitious but this wouldn't make me think of the corporations as war-ridden, attacking, gang like etc... Think of the corporations as rough gangs who have risen to a high cooperation status who look on the outside to be proper, polite and professional but on the inside are brutal, and will let no one get in their way. :)
     
  4. Tesoro
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    Tesoro Contributing Member Contributor

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    I think Tenderiser has a point here. It's good but too wordy. What if you should say:
    A young genius with the power to move in higher dimensional space is pulled from his low-class urban life to compete in the violent and ambitious world of mega corporations, only to find that (enter conflict)."
    Remember you don't have to get the ENTIRE thing in these kinds of loglines, only enough to get a grip of the main character, what he wants and what's standing in his way (conflict). You don't have to explain everything behind that. Think about how much the reader really needs to know and if there's a shorter way to hint at the same conflict, rephrasing the sentence.
     
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