1. John Franklin Dandridge
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    John Franklin Dandridge Member

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    progression

    Discussion in 'Query & Cover Letter Critique' started by John Franklin Dandridge, May 5, 2016.

    Instead of seeking feedback, I'd like to share the progress I've made with my query letter. And perhaps seeing the stages in development will help others. The novel is called Bastard of Chivalry, but I haven't put that in an intro paragraph just yet.

    Brandon Calumet doesn’t believe the world is real, but he still has to live in it. This belief comes about in childhood when Brandon develops exebellon, a rare condition where one experiences prolonged periods of déjà vu. While most cases result in schizophrenia, or other disorders, Brandon struggles to embrace exebellon by channeling it through his art, but especially into his pursuit of girls. And because of the latter, the world whether real or not, Brandon wants to live in it. Oh, if only girls didn’t make it so hard for him.


    Growing up in the 1980’s and 90’s is not all baseball cards and arcade games. Being bullied by white kids for not acting ‘black’, and laughed at by black kids for acting ‘white’, Brandon hides his exebellon in attempts to form his identity. Yet, as he grows from an American son branching out of the suburbs into a b-boy stance, Brandon’s secret guides him through the bad of everything good in relationships, and eventually to Chicago’s art college scene.


    It is here, where love seeks revenge. Here, Brandon is hip, blending into social circles near the turn of the century. And this is how he’s introduced to the mythology surrounding exebellon. But when he discovers a link between his true self and this mythology, Brandon either achieves transcendence—or succumbs to madness.
     
  2. Tenderiser
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    Tenderiser Not a man Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    Glad you're making progress. :agreed:

    Query letters were definitely invented by Satan to make us lose all hope.
     
  3. ThistleMae
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    ThistleMae Member

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    I like your story. You're writing is clear, not too wordy, very concise. I totally agree that writing a Query is torture. I write and rewrite so many times, I can't see the story anymore. Ugh! But, like you, I push through. Thanks for sharing.
     
  4. SmashedPumpkin
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    SmashedPumpkin New Member

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    I've got a few super newbie questions here: Is a query letter written before you actually write the story? or in the process of? or even possibly with the story ready and waiting to go?

    What you've written sounds interesting and reads easily as far as I can tell. Intrigued me enough to Google "exebellon" to see if it's an actual condition. Upon realising it's not, I'm not sure I like the word but that's probably just me.
     
  5. BayView
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    BayView Contributing Member Contributor

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    Most people write their queries when the story is done - I suppose if you're a rigorous planner and are sure you won't deviate from your plan, are already totally clear on what the main themes/issues are, etc., it wouldn't hurt to write it earlier.
     
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  6. Tenderiser
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    Tenderiser Not a man Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    I find it a useful exercise to write a query in the early stages. It helps make sure I'm clear on the main conflicts and the hook. It has to be changed when the story is done, because things change along the way, but it's a useful exercise for me.
     
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