1. Zion H.
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    Zion H. New Member

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    Grammar Proper use of wording....?

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by Zion H., Jul 14, 2016.

    Does this sound correct:

    "The pure essence of what holds the human embodiment together slowly started to drift out the core of her palm."

    The human embodiment....?

    Quite unsure if I'm simply overthinking it or not.

    Had several deputes with others and they are unsure now as well.

    Sorry for the disturbance, and thanks.
     
  2. Brindy
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    Brindy Contributing Member Supporter

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    Hi Zion H, welcome to the forum. My understanding of human embodiment is to give human form to something that doesn't have it, so if the being you are talking about is alien but in human form, it's probably OK. If you are talking about a human then it probably needs a re-think.
     
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  3. SethLoki
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    SethLoki Unemployed Autodidact Contributor

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    It sounds a mouthful and forces one to wade through with a thinking cap on. Sorry.

    I've got my waders and cap on though. Let's see.

    Pure essence = quintessence
    Holding embodiment = encapsulation
    Slowly started = emerged
    core of palm = just palm maybe?

    So... What encapsulated human quintessence, emerged from her palm.

    How's that?
     
  4. RobT
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    RobT Active Member

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    It does sound a bit of a mouth full. To myself started to drift, could possibly just be drifted. Also, when I think of drifting I have an image in my head of that being a slow activity, so I don't need to be told it's "slowly" drifting. And as @SethLoki has already mentioned I'd say just having palm reads better.

    My stab. . . The pure essence of what embodies a human drifted from her palm.
     
  5. Zion H.
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    Zion H. New Member

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    Very nice to meet you all btw.

    Doing my best to improve everyday, making your help very useful. Highly in love with all of the insight given.
    Thank you all so much.
     
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  6. Carly Berg
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    Carly Berg Contributing Member

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    Hi Zion. Can you re-state it as simply as possible? I don't know what it means.
     
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  7. jannert
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    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    Or give us some context? What's going on here?
     

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