Punctuating dialog that isn't spoken.

Here's the segment:

Rich reached for his wallet. “I'll grab the check.”

“We're not on a date, Rich. I can buy my own food.”

“C'mon, it's the least I can—”

“Rich, I said no.”

Anita put her hand up to stop Rich from paying, but it was a clumsy move. She knocked his wallet onto the bar, spilling its contents everywhere. Credit cards, driver's license, receipts, and cash scattered.

On top of it all lay a small picture, the kind you get from a mall photo booth. It was Rich and Anita, twenty-five years ago, younger, and in love.

Anita stared. Her lips parted.

Rich felt like a boy who'd be caught in the act. He wanted to explain, but what do you say to something like that? Hey, sorry Anita, I've been thinking about you every day for the last twenty-five years. Hope that doesn't creep you out or anything.

The bartender broke the silence.

“Hey, here's your bill. We don't take checks and we don't do tabs. Cash or Credit.”

Rich gathered up his wallet. “Just… let me get this one, okay?”

Anita nodded and looked away. “Goodnight,” she said, then left.

__________________________________________________________________


The part in red is not spoken. It is hypothetical dialog, an example of a poor explanation Rich might offer. How should I punctuate this to effectively convey this idea?

 

I'd leave it as it is - it's obvious that it's in his head and not spoken aloud.

If you're not comfortable leaving it, italics are an option.

 

I would use italics for thoughts.

Others may disagree... https://www.writingforums.org/threads/italics-for-thoughts.32989/

 

I second leaving it as is. It's obvious what it is. Trust the reader.

 

I'd use italics.
Nicely written by the way. It's got good pace.

 

According to The Chicago Manual of Style, it is the writer's choice. I would leave it as you have it, but using quotes is not wrong either. The CMOS makes no mention of italics.

 

I'd leave it as it is. I like italics for thoughts, but they aren't always necessary.

 

Okay. I'll leave it. I just wanted to make sure it was clear.

Thanks for the compliment Marc T.

 

Italics. It's a thought in his head. He's acting out a scenario in his mind where he says that to her. So format it as a thought.

 

I'd leave it alone. However, I wouldn't actually say that it's wrong to use quotes, because he's imagining saying it--it's dialogue, though only in his imagination. But if you use quotes, then you have the job of making sure that the reader realizes that he didn't actually say it. So, leave it alone.

Edited to add: Even if I liked italics, italics would suggest that he's actually thinking the thought, rather than imagining a scene where he's saying it. I think that it would increase, rather than decreasing, confusion. If you absolutely insisted on using italics, you'd need to precede and probably also follow it with a literal thought that he's actually thinking, and then use quotes after all:

Rich felt like a boy who'd been caught in the act. How do I explain? What do you say to something like that? "Hey, sorry Anita, I've been thinking about you every day for the last twenty-five years. Hope that doesn't creep you out or anything." No. I should just go hide under the bar.

But that's a big bag of typography that reflects the idea that you just don't trust the reader to read.

 

That's an excellent way to format it.

 

Well, it's nice to know that if I ever decide to use italics for thought, I can apparently master the skill. But I don't think I ever will.