1. Swiftspeed10
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    Swiftspeed10 New Member

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    Question about perspective.

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by Swiftspeed10, Mar 6, 2010.

    Hi guys, first thread hope I am posting in the right section.

    So lets say I am writing a novel and the main characters name is Frederick and his best friend is Tony. Fred is whose perspective the novel is from but third person.

    So lets say I have this text:

    *****As Frederick sat in class oblivious to the lesson he looked around the room and noticed his best friend Tony. Tony looked terribly bored as he sat there head in his hands, straining to stay awake.*****

    So don't make fun of me but my question is since the story is in Fred's perspective or viewpoint would it be too revealing or would it be breaking the POV of the story to say "Straining to stay awake" (about Tony) or is that acceptable from Fred's point of view? I know its a confusing question. Thanks in advance.
     
  2. Banzai
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    Banzai One-time Mod, but on the road to recovery Contributor

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    This belongs in General Writing.

    *moves*
     
  3. rory
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    rory Contributing Member

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    I think it would be fine to use that phrasing. You and I can both tell when someone is having trouble keeping their eyes open. It's a simple observation anyone can make about anyone else. Of course, observations are sometimes wrong.
     
  4. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    "Straining to stay awake" is a conclusion on Frederick's part. Better to describe what he actually sees: Tony's eyes drooping, Tony stifling a yawn, Tony's head jerking up occasionally...

    Also, leave out phrases like he looked around the room and noticed his best friend Tony.

    Instead, something like:
     
  5. MsMyth71
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    MsMyth71 Senior Member

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    Yeah, I concur. As long as it can be justified as an observation by the narrator, you should be ok. :)

    Agree on the "noticed" thing. Stuff like that only weighs down a sentence.
     

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