1. ItalianStallion
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    ItalianStallion Senior Member

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    Questions

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by ItalianStallion, Feb 2, 2007.

    Here is a game...... You have to answer a question to the best of your ability from the person above you. And then ask one yourself. It can be anything you want or already know.... I will start it off


    Is there such a thing as an absolute truth?
     
  2. Axis
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    Axis Member

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    No.

    Where do babies come from?
     
  3. Myst
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    Myst Active Member

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    Horny guy. Stupid lady.

    THE MAGIC OF FERTILISATION.

    TA-DAH! Fresh from the ovary, baby baby babies!


    What do you imagine slapping a tiger would feel like?
     
  4. Crazy Ivan
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    Crazy Ivan Contributing Member

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    Painful, sharp, and (hopefully) quick. Also probably loud.

    If a tree falls in a mime in the middle of a forest, does anyone care? Also, does anyone catch me ripping off old famous comics?
     
  5. Ferret
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    Ferret Contributing Member

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    Only the mime and the clown girlfriend that was dating him to piss off daddy. Old comics? ...yes, for the most part.
    How do they get Teflon to stick to the pan?
     
  6. Crazy Ivan
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    Crazy Ivan Contributing Member

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    Mr. Clean yells at it until it works.

    Am I the only person who has ever wondered if Mr. Clean is gay? (I mean, c'mon...he's buff, bald, got an earring, always smiling, and he enjoys doing housecleaning chores. Something in his gender switch isn't working right.)
     
  7. Kincaid
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    Kincaid Senior Member

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    No. I never wondered if Mr. Clean was gay…never really paid too much attention to him at all.

    How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood?
     
  8. Crazy Ivan
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    Crazy Ivan Contributing Member

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    None, because the woodpecker would peck all the wood the woodchucker could chuck if a woodchucker could chuck wood.

    If a brass horn is made of brass and a tinhorn is made of tin, what is a foghorn made of?
     
  9. ItalianStallion
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    ItalianStallion Senior Member

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    fogmonium...... u ever herd of it before,... yea its a wierd name i know.... but thats what it is.
     
  10. Myst
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    Myst Active Member

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    I'll be the one asking, then, since ItalianStallion forgot to.

    If the personification of peace, virtue and benevolence got into a barfight with the incarnation of immediate gratification, greed and gratifying violence, what would happen?
     
  11. Domoviye
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    Domoviye Contributing Member

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    Well Peace would get on the phone and call his brother, Peace Through Superior Firepower.
    Greed would be busy stealing everything from Virtue's corpse, Virtue having gone down early playing nice against Gratifying Violence.
    Immediate Gratification would make an ass of himself trying to look good for the ladies as he fights Benevolence. Until Benevolence is beaten to a bloody pulp by Gratifying Violence.
    Immediate Gratification and Gratifying Violence would both pummel on Peace for a while at the end. but Peace being surprisingly resilient doesn't go down easily.
    Then a sniper bullet would take down Violence, followed by Gratification. And as Greed is running for his life he'd be shot in the butt, to make sure he learned his lesson.
    And Peace's brother, Peace Through Superior Firepower would come walking through the door with a first aid kit, and a big ass sword.


    How do they get the caramel inside a caramilk bar?
     
  12. Myst
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    Myst Active Member

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    Well once upon a time there were no such objects as "caramilk bars" and they had plain chocolate bars, perhaps with nuts or some exotic likewise. However, then came a revolutionary. Nobody knows his name exactly (for example, do you know the name of the guy who first thought of putting nuts in chocolate? Maybe, but not really) except that he had awesome fantasies of mixing caramel and chocolate bars. Hence, he went to pray to the God.

    "God, can you tell me how to make a chocolate bar with caramel milk?"

    "Heavens no, my child! That is a impossibility!"

    "I thought you weave miracles, holy father."

    "Well making the damn world was hard enough, but caramel in a chocolate bar? What you on, son? That new-fangled cocaine?"

    And so The Caramel Bar Guy was left dissapointed. He decided instead to look towards Satan, seeing as how he never actually heard firm evidence to Satan being a demented overlord. For all you know he could have been a very misunderstood guy.

    "Oh Devil, would you grant me the secret of caremel in chocolate?"

    "O' sluggards! Ye mortal weavils dareth request thy answer?"

    The Caramel Bar Guy was not swayed. "You sound pretentious."

    "Yeah, well, I already made that deal with The Nut Bar Guy. I can't help you guys anymore or the chocolate would get far too nice."

    "I'm open to any deal. Consider it, at least."

    Satan stroked his adorable little goatee for a while as souls burned to the rythm of Bon Jovi. Such is the torment of hell. "Perhaps. If I give this secret to you...you speak on the behalf on humanity, allowing the antichrist come up sooner. The planned time is far too long to wait."

    The Caramel Bar Guy readily agreed, and the two sat around thinking up names for their apocalypse-child, like newlyweds.

    "Oh, oh! Saty, how about "George"?"

    "Heyy... Good one, mortal. And his last name shall be something really stupid....like "Bush".

    And so the antichrist was decided.

    "So, mortal. This is how it goes. First, harden the caramel, then dip in chocolate. Once the chocolate hardens, let the bar rest at normal temperature and the caramel will soften inside the bar."

    The Caramel Bar Guy was almost gobbersmackled at this intense revelation of one of life's mysteries, and went forward to construct his product while the antichrist grew up to be a good and proper messenger of armageddon.


    How do you say "My toes are like swamp frogs" in German?
     
  13. Vroom Vroom Daddy
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    Vroom Vroom Daddy Member

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    "Mi toesni hart likendesplit swampen de frogenhimer.

    If a satanist says the devils name in vain does he go to heaven?
     
  14. Frost
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    Frost Contributing Member

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    Well, recent scientific research conducted by the UN shows that if you do something like that you'll just hang in the balance for a while until God and Satan work out some kind of deal on your soul.

    If stars weren't really balls of gas, what would they be?
     
  15. Myst
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    Myst Active Member

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    The countless nipples of our sky-mother.

    If there is the word 'nonplussed', then why is there no word 'plussed'?
     
  16. Frost
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    Frost Contributing Member

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    Crazy crack smoking queen declared it so.

    Why does pork roast taste so good?
     
  17. Myst
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    Myst Active Member

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    Because it isn't pig, it's the delectable meat of the prime selection of hobos and death row inmates from various countries. Jeez, you didn't know? Blame the government, restaurants, markets and the media that conceived this horrible conspiracy.

    Does Santa Claus live forever? Who is chosen to be his heir? Is it an elf or are mortals available to be picked? Also, where does he hire the elves from? Is there some secret elf-city somewhere under Stonehenge or something that is frolicking with sharp-eared midgets?
     
  18. Crazy Ivan
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    Crazy Ivan Contributing Member

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    Santa lives forever, because holiday idols can do what they f__king want.
    Also, he outsources children from China to work at his workshop.

    Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar?
     
  19. Frost
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    Frost Contributing Member

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    I did. Sorry.

    What's the most music one person can hold in his head at any one time?
     
  20. HeinleinFan
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    HeinleinFan Banned

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    All the music he can hold in his heart. Or three songs, two of which are by Weird Al Yankovic, and which clash quite spectacularly.

    (See me mowin' . . . my front lawn . . . )

    What is the weirdest or funniest thing your pet has ever done?
     
  21. Myst
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    Myst Active Member

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    Tried chasing a car and got hit. (I'm a closet sadistic)

    If your toes could have any ability, what would you like it to be? (eg. talking toes, flying toes, constantly oily toes, toes that give an orgasm just by being seen, toes that can solve the questions of life, etc.)
     
  22. Crazy Ivan
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    Crazy Ivan Contributing Member

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    Prehensile toes. Like a monkey. YESSSSS!

    WHO WOULD WIN: Captain Planet or Carmen Sandiego?
     
  23. Myst
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    Myst Active Member

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    Neither, because Captain Planet will be busy pondering whether he has an actual mind or not, for he is constructed from several beams of sissy light from sissy rings. Meanwhile, where is Carmen Sandiego? She will be busy hiding so that people continually ask "where is Carmen Sandiego?"


    If the personification of Pleasure Sex gets into a rowdy brawl with Loving Sex, what would happen?
     
  24. Crazy Ivan
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    Crazy Ivan Contributing Member

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    Pleasure would get so overworked that he would scream and accidentally sweep the items off of a nearby desk, which would hit Loving, who would burst into passionate tears and run away.

    How many boards could the Mongol hordes hoard if the Mongol hordes got bored?
     
  25. Onoria Westhrop
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    Onoria Westhrop Contributing Member

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    An integer that is precisely double the amount X, where X stands for half the total number of boards the mongol hordes are able to hoard.

    If you're caught between the devil and the deep blue sea, which way should you go?
     

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