1. Jack Asher
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    Jack Asher Wildly experimental Contributor

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    Really disturbing [something]

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Jack Asher, Sep 6, 2013.

    Settup: There's a man and a woman, exploring a portal to another dimension. They stand in a forest. They know that other people have disappeared in the dimension, but aren't particularly worried about it yet. While strange the new dimension does not seem particularly threatening.

    Then they see a thing. A really unsettling thing. And the other dimension seems a bit more sinister.

    What do they see? Bones is the obvious answer, and might even be the right one. But I'd rather listen for other input before I have to write a cliched skull into the story.
     
  2. Trish
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    Trish I've been deleted.. again Contributor

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    A zombie lion? Half of a monkey (think Pet Semetary)? Themselves?

    I'm reallllly tired, so excuse my unimaginative answers.
     
  3. minstrel
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    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Empty graves? Blinded wildlife? A heap of bloodstained weapons and armor? Very large footprints? A ruined church? A pond that bubbles out a noxious gas? A row of pikes driven vertically into the ground, pointing up, waiting to be adorned with human heads? The still-warm embers of a recent bonfire with no footprints anywhere near it? Scalps nailed to trees? Torches or lanterns still burning? A moon ten times the size it should be? A noose hanging from a branch? Several sets of child-size footprints approaching the edge of a cliff with none going away?
     
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  4. Jack Asher
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    Jack Asher Wildly experimental Contributor

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    I really like that one. It's totally inappropriate for the setting, but I really like it.
     
  5. T.Trian
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    T.Trian Overly Pompous Bastard Staff Supporter Contributor

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    A scene from one of my dreams: tall, tree-length mushrooms with human faces that appear to be asleep, yet vomit continuously through their mouths and noses, so the "forest" floor is a mixture of dirt, undergrowth, and barf. Oh, and "Pork Soda" by Primus is playing in the background.
    Well, I already used this scene in one of my and KaTrian's novels (sans the song), so perhaps it's not that good of an idea to use the exact same vision, but that dream was somewhat disturbing esp. since I ended up in the forest because a murderous clown was chasing me and I had Satan inside my head.
     
  6. Garball
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    Garball Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand. Supporter Contributor

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    They see nothing, no signs of life
    or
    All the animals they see seem to be skittish and scared of something
    or
    Weird footprints approaching and exiting the portal from the other side
    or
    Somebody gets stung by a bug with human faces and scorpion tails like the locusts from Revelation
    or
    Innocent and cute bunny rabbits scavenging the corpse of a large bear
    or
    Grimmace wearing a hamburger shaped ball gag getting raped by the Burger King while the Hamburglar rides around on a tricycle pelting them with raw chicken McNuggets and Wendy watches from the corner of the room laughing maniacally, masturbating with a ketchup bottle
     
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  7. minstrel
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    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Staff Supporter Contributor

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    This wouldn't work. The OP was asking for something disturbing.

    ;)
     
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  8. Garball
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    Garball Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand. Supporter Contributor

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    They find a child's doll abandoned in the woods. The doll is very human like with the exception of some feature
     
  9. desam90
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    desam90 New Member

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    a red moon,
    bodies instead of stars (but still hanging in the sky, maybe thats where you go when you die),
    piles of clothes+shoes but no humans,
    trees alive (evil dead style)
    circle of what seems like sacrificed baby bodies with some symbol in the middle (big cross, w/e),
    they feel watched (evil monkeys with red eyes are watching them from the trees),
    a hand sticking out of the ground (body is buried),
    a pair of humanlike creatures (maybe black-blue colored with 3 eyes and 4 arms) having intercourse in a very strange way?
    a doctor performing some disturbing surgery in the middle of the forest on a surgery table,
    a starving child, that the characters run too but than get trapped (the child was bait)


    anyone like some idea of me?
    (im not a writer but maybe i wanna give it a try, english also isnt my first language)
     
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2013
  10. KaTrian
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    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Human heads, but something's been removed, like the eyes or the brain or the tongues.

    It's snowing... it looks like it's snowing... but it's something else, like soot... or dandruff, well, something that makes them go "well, this is positively sinister, isn't it, dear?"

    There's an army of hares waiting form them, all lined up with crossbows. ready to shoot them if they make a wrong move. Unfortunately humans don't speak hare so they can't communicate at all.

    The Earth is oozing blood. Or the trees. The place is full of dead trees with corpses stuffed inside them (some weird burial custom).
     
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  11. minstrel
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    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Staff Supporter Contributor

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    I was thinking chipmunks with peashooters, but you're right. Hares with crossbows is better.

    :)
     
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  12. Trish
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    Trish I've been deleted.. again Contributor

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    Agree! :)
     
  13. jazzabel
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    jazzabel Contributing Member Contributor

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    I think the entrance to the cave (a different portal) should have a creepy inscription, maybe in a foreign or dead language of some kind. Something like "World is nothing but a dream of a Demon." Or some such.
     
  14. KaTrian
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    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Hares are fierce.
    [​IMG]

    Back to the topic: Another option is corpses and still living people tangled up in torturous positions around the forest. Think of that janitor in the Silent Hill movie, barbwired, back all twisted in the toilet cubicle.
     
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  15. Alesia
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    Alesia Pen names: AJ Connor, Carey Connolly Contributor

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    That sounds like some of the disturbing stuff I've been thinking up for the scenes where my MC is DT'ing of heroin.
     
  16. Trish
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    Trish I've been deleted.. again Contributor

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    Wow.. I thought I had vivid dreams, lol. That sucks dude.
     
  17. T.Trian
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    T.Trian Overly Pompous Bastard Staff Supporter Contributor

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    I had that one way back, when I was around 18 or so, but I don't really consider such dreams nightmares, more like interesting dreams and great story material. :D Most of such dreams do end up in our stories one way or another. I even tend to enjoy those dreams while still within the dream; the atmosphere is scary as hell and bizarre to boot, but I'm often feeling like I really would if something like that happened irl: "oh wow, finally something truly interesting happens! Awesome!" So it's all good.

    What I do consider nightmares are dreams where I'm hopelessly late for work/get a call from my boss, telling me I've missed a shift at work/a class in school, or end up sitting frozen by an exam paper with no idea what I'm supposed to do etc, i.e. boring and annoying stuff.
     
  18. Trish
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    Trish I've been deleted.. again Contributor

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    @T.Trian I know exactly what you mean. I've had some random dreams like the one you describe (well not exactly, but crazy like that) and have at least 6 short stories written from those. That said, the scariest nightmare I ever had I was late for work, the kids missed the bus, and I forgot to put my work clothes in the dryer, lmao. That shit got the adrenaline pumping!
     
  19. T.Trian
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    T.Trian Overly Pompous Bastard Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Yup, those are the scary ones. Horror/splatter dreams and the truly bizarre ones are just fun.
     
  20. TessaT
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    TessaT Contributing Member

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    The end of something's tail trailing out of view. Or eyes. Looking into the portal when suddenly... thousands, and thousands of eyes.
    Or they could even feel/sound something behind them while staring into the portal.
     
  21. EllBeEss
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    EllBeEss Contributing Member

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    A presence and then they turn and the portal is gone.
     
  22. lixAxil
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    lixAxil Self-Proclaimed Senator of the RPG subforum. Contributor

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    People disappeared but for some reason the portal didn't carry their skin....
    So they saw remains of skin, but not teared, more likely complete skin without anything inside, so a collapsed mass of skin
     
  23. EllBeEss
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    EllBeEss Contributing Member

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    If you want something subtle, human teeth
     
  24. minstrel
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    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Maybe a hut with a glass window. When they look in the window, they see strange people in the hut moving and speaking and performing weird rituals, but when they look in the door, the hut is empty. They go into the empty hut and look out the window, and they see strange people performing rituals in the woods, but when they look out the door, nobody is there.

    What happens when they break the glass?
     
  25. Mckk
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    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    They slowly lose their memories the further they go, and by the time they realise what's happening, they can no longer remember the way back ;)

    There're some awfully creepy suggestions in this thread!

    T.Trian's vomiting trees probably sound the creepiest as well as most original so far IMO.

    @minstrel - sounds like a short story in the making!
     

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