The War for Hat Land has been long and hard, but Soujiroseta and I have called a truce to bring you the following: Red vs Blue Introduction Welcome to Relic, the most strategically useless and tactically unsound position in the galaxy: A deserted island with absolutely nothing of value. Why are you here you ask? Well, our sworn enemies the <insert color> have placed an outpost on one end of the island! This unauthorized occupation of a deserted island cannot be allowed if victory is to be achieved in the Red vs Blue war! Unfortunately, our ranks are low and well… you’re all we got so… yeah… good luck dude. The RPG This RPG is designed primarily to pay homage to the series and act out all our wildest Red vs Blue fantasies. The Machinima series produced by Roosterteeth used the Halo video game to develop a dramatic comedy that has won multiple awards and is possibly one of the funniest things on the net! If you’re fan, or someone who’s just interested in an army of misfit soldiers thrown into implausible situations where they are most likely going to fail, this may be the RPG for you! We will form two sides, obviously Red Team and Blue Team. The two teams occupy opposing sides of Relic. The Lord of Hats will pose as Command, and send orders to both Red and Blue teams. From there, well, lets just say we’re not exactly dealing with expert tacticians here. Team leaders will issue commands to members who will then full fill or unfull fill objectives. GM Note: This is RvB, you are not expected to succeed. Failure is perfectly acceptable, for nearly any reason . The following is final: Lord of Hats is Blue Leader, and Soujiroseta is Red Leader. The use of two GM’s was decided so that both teams would have equal representation in the story and to give both teams guidance. The GM’s will also take the role of any NPC’s that are needed. Orders from command will be in Gray, orders from Blue leader in blue, and orders from Red leader in red. There will be brief times between objectives, where if you so choose you may organize a line of comedic conversation with others (Please PM the GM’s if you plan to do so, so we can monitor this. The last thing we need is five simultaneous conversations interrupting each other. We will take turns). This isn’t a complex RPG folks. We create some wacky characters, give a scenario and see what chaos ensues. The focus will be on situational comedy, weird characters, and comedic dialogue. Feel free to work out all events and dialogue with other players via PM or the discussion board. It’ll be great if we can get some good well worked out comedy in here. Rules and Regulations 1. Please read all the posts from others, and please ensure all posts progress the story or the comedy. 2. No controlling another player’s character without consent. If anyone goes AWOL for a long period of time, the GM's will deal with it (the character will be NPC'd or "transfered" to another base. If the player informs us they will be gone, they may hand their character to another player, or if they choose, inform their respective team leader and we’ll make up some crazy reason for their absence. 3. Keep the fighting to a minimum. We’re more here to throw a bunch of weirdo’s into weird situations and see what happens not fill the fields with the blood of our enemies. 4. If you are in doubt of anything ask the GM’s first. 5. Keep any flaming, insulting, or fighting strictly comical and in character. Seeing how its Red vs Blue, none of our characters are probably going to get along. Flames will fly but keep it directed at the character, not the player, and make sure it fits the situation. If your worried someone has gone too far let your team leader know and we’ll put a stop to it. 6. Don’t fly off topic. 7. No god moding. We’re gonna be more liberal with this since it’s RvB but don’t go way out there. 8. As far as character killing goes, work it out via PM and let the rest of us know what you plan to do so we can plan accordingly. Also, if you’ve seen RvB, you know death is not permanent! 9. Edit before posting. 10. A GM's word is final! Last: We ask that no one directly copy characters, lines, or events, from the show. If you want to make an off hand reference to something from the series (I’ve done it three times already ) it’s cool but we don’t want to see Episode Seven splattered across the RPG. We’re creating RvB-esque situations and characters as fans of the series or interested persons, not stealing its “brilliance.” Character Template Name/Nickname: Pick your characters proper name and a nickname he/she is called by. The nickname should have a connection to the character real name, or personality. Gender: self-explanatory. All players must be humans in standard Mjolnir Mk-VII armor. Position: What role does the character play on the team? Example: medic, weapons specialist, flag protector, ammunition carrier, elbow grease and headlight fluid fetcher etc. Feel free to make one up to suit your wacky character. The only exception is that there can only be one team leader for each team, and as you know they have been picked already. Weapons Training: Choose your character armaments. I have reorganized this section as there appears to be slight confusion among some. 1. All characters carry a Magnum. This is the default secondary weapon everyone gets free of charge. 2. All characters may choose One of the following as a primary weapon: -Assault Rifle, Battle Rifle, Plasma Rifle, Needler, Spiker, Sniper Rifle, Covenant Sniper, SMG, Shot-gun, Sentinel Beam, explosives 3. The Following weapons may not be used unless it is a scenario relevant event: -Rocket Launcher, Covenant Energy Sword, Brute Hammer, Fuel Rod Cannon, Spartan Laser, Brute Shot Personality: What is your character like? As part of the game, it is necessary for all the characters to be weird, crazy, awkward, or strange in some way. Feel free to use various mental problems (nothing too crazy, if you have any questions about too crazy PM Lord of Hats or Soujiroseta). The character needs to be the sort of person who under normal circumstances would be the butt end of most jokes between you and your buddies. Background: Self-explanatory. What’s the history of your character. Any specific events or circumstances of interest that others may be interested in knowing? Anything odd we should know? Team Preference: Pretty simple. Red or Blue? We would like to keep the teams even so we won’t set it in stone. Set your preferences or no preference and we’ll organize teams accordingly before starting the RPG. Catch Phrase (Optional): All characters need a catch phrase. It can be just about anything, just keep it clean and something you might actually be able to use. No characters will reveal their faces so any description of features or race is not necessary. We also feel the need to mention that unlike the series, we will not permit sexual comments or cursing. General forum rules still apply, so in short: Keep it all G-rated. Even RvB managed this very well after the first half of the first season and onwards. Occasional cursing is permissible just don’t overdue it. If your in doubt, PM your team leader and we’ll let you know. We will advise you of any problems with your template or posts via PM or the discussion boards. This isn’t going to be a very serious RPG (It’s RvB, so yeah). We can be very flexible with situations and events and its mostly here as a change from some of the more serious story driven RPG’s we have here (and because Souji and I thought it would be some good silly fun XD). Name/Nickname: Captain Arnold Pain AKA Cpt. Pain Gender: Male Position: Blue Team Leader Weapons Training: Magnum and Battle Rifle Personality: Extremely religious to the point of zealotry, Pain believes the Blue Army is in a holy crusade against the Heretical Reds. He often quotes scripture (inaccurately) and uses god as an excuse for his failures and the successes of others; often belittling those around him and exulting himself. He is extremely blood thirsty and masochistic, and his strategies often overlook gapping flaws under the guise of “God will protect us” that result in mass death of his troops. Background: Captain Arnold Pain was demoted from the former rank of Major for unsound sanity and tactics. He converted a military command post into a church, and collected offerings for the “Kill the Reds Charity Fund.” Furthermore he regularly ordered pointless suicide missions, including an attack on a neutral Denny’s that was serving food to tourists twelve miles behind his own lines and claiming, that it was a strategic maneuver intended to confuse the Reds. The Reds responded to questions saying, “There isn’t a Denny’s over there- Oh wait the maps upside down.” Pain’s forces somehow took 100% causalities. Team: Blue Leader Catch Phrase: “Drats, foiled again!”
Name/Nickname: Sergeant Major Alex Mercer AKA Major Gender: Male Position: Red Team Leader Weapons Training: Magnum and Sniper Rifle Personality: is sarcastic, pessimistic and misanthropic, with a quick, cruel wit. He is also very concerned about the way he is perceived in the base, often making very illogical and self-destructive decisions in order to keep his "bad boy" image. He will always make sure to stamp his authority on new recruits and will always make sure that all his battle plans revolve around protecting him, irregardless of the mission. He has been known to emasculate junior officers b calling them girls names and have them do strange things in battle to distract the enemy. He sees himself as a master of the japanese language even though he cam only say a few phrases. Background: Alex used to be on the front lines of every assault until he was shot on his buttocks by the enemy. Citing trauma he was reposted to Relic to rehabilitate himself. Team: Red Leader Catch Phrase: "Alright ladies...", "You fool!" & "Nande koto da"(japanese for "this is terrible")
Character Template Name/Nickname: Suzy Sapphire aka. 'Sappy' Gender: Female Position: Flag Protector & Fashionable Flag Stylist - It's her job to protect the flag and make sure it is in touch with the latest fashion trends. This week it's spots. (Let me know if I need to change any of this) Weapons Training: Sniper Rifle Personality: She is incredibly vain, to the point where she will examine her reflection in every available reflective surface. She is very ditzy and doesn't like to get her hands dirty. She whines in an annoying voice if she is required to do anything. She has sympathy for herself, and if she sees any remotely cute creature, or fashion accessory she will stop whatever she is doing and say 'awwwwww' for an unpredictable amount of time. Background: Well, she started army training to get closer to the Captain, who she fancied at the time. However, during one drill she fell into a patch of mud and ruined her suede boots. Also citing trauma, she left the army and never turned back. She still suffers flashback memories of this event and she wears a silver locket around her neck with a picture of her lost shoes, which she treasures. She has the basic training, although she has never been in real combat before. Team Preference: Red Catch Phrase (Optional): 'It need's diamonds, baby.' or 'Awwwwww.' (Let me know if any of this is unsuitable, and I will change it)
Name/Nickname: Mizuki Aiden Gender: Male Position: recon and spying Weapons Training: Magnum, and sniper rifle. Personality: He is incredibly feminine guy, who tends to care more about his make up and his nail polish than what's going on around him. (The rest I'll come up with as we go.) Background: This is his first mission Team preference: blue Catch Phrase: "because I'm better than you...."
Name/Nickname: James Lithium aka Book Gender: Male Position: Strategist Weapons Training: Explosives Personality: A guy who thinks he's smart, but really isn't. He's kind of paranoid, and makes up elaborate plans that really never work. He's in love with explosives, and he's more than a little forgetful. Background: (work on it later...I don't have Halo, so I'm not sure of what to put here) Team Preference: No preference; whatever you need me to be Catch Phrase (Optional): BOOM!
Character Template Name/Nickname: Priss Gender: female Position: Priss likes to think she’s the medic (Team dole bludger) Weapons Training: turning the safety on her weapons on and off. Shot gun, yes she can actually shoot something Personality: She thinks she’s bright witty and way mega hardcore, she’s actually lazy and frightened that she could break a nail or scrape up her gear. Her favourite thing to do is talk about people she doesn’t have a clue about in a not so nice way. She also is a victim of hypochondria. Remember kids its not worth talking about if its not about her. Background: She got lost and somehow confused for army staff Team Preference: Blue Catch Phrase: Do you want to talk about it?
New Orders From Command !ATTENTION Red and Blue Armies! The Following are your transfer orders for Operation Rainbow Surprise: Blue Team: - Blue Leader: Captain Arnold Pain (Lord of Hats) ~ Teal - Junior Private Minus First Class Muzuki Aiden (Shadow Dragon) ~ Cobalt - Junior Private Minus First Class Priss (Gloom Kitty) ~ Teal - Junior Private Minus First Class Nate Heisenberg (Acglaphotis) You are hereby transfered to Blue Base "Numero Dos" on Relic to combat the Red Menace. The Following Supplies have been transfered to you're base: -200x Bottles of Tomato Sauce -30x Jars of Miracle Whip -500x Crates of Ammunition -2x 50 Caliber Turrets -1x Blue Flag Red Team: - Red Leader: Sergeant Major Alex Mercer (Soujiroseta) ~ Standard Red - Junior Private Minus First Class Suzy Sapphire (Jade) ~ Lightish red - Junior Private Minus First Class James Lithium (Kratos) ~ Orange - Junior Private Minus First Class Jerry MacGyver (Teele) ~ Magenta You are hereby transfered to Red Base "Alpha Alpha" on Relic to combat the Dastardly Blues. The following supplies have been transfered to your base: -300x Cans of Elbow Grease -20x Cans of Headlight Fluid -500x Crates of Ammunition -2x 50 Caliber Turrets -1x Red Flag Operation Rainbow Surprise will begin shortly. GM Note: The team list is subject to change by action of the GM's. Players can be transfered on and off of Relic, so if you think you will be gone and don't want to hand off your character, notify your Team leader and your player will be transfered off Relic and may be transfered back when you return. New Players may also transfer into the game in between scenarios. PM me and I'll issue transfer orders that include your character profile (This only takes effect once the game as started, but this list will be maintained and updated). The RPG Has now started. If you wish to join, PM Lord of Hats with a character profile and you will be transfered in at the end of the current scenario and before the beginning of the next.
Name/Nickname: Jerry "Twin" MacGyver Gender: Male Position: Weapons Specialist Weapons Training: Magnum, Needler Personality: Jerry is a schizophrenic, hence his nickname, Twin. On the one hand, he is cool and logical; a brilliant tactician with an unmatched expertise for weapons. His other half is crazed, sadistic, and bloodthirsty lunatic who is given to his violent impulses. Jerry's dominant personality can be changed by external stimuli. His crazy side can come out upon being insulted, attacked, or even just bumped the wrong way. He will also enter his crazy side at almost random times; even if its just for a few seconds to do something EXTREMELY stupid. And then he comes back to his normal side. Sometimes, his two sides will switch back and forth, and he'll argue with himself. Whether in his normal state, or crazy state, he always refers to himself as 'we' or 'us'. Background: Jerry graduated at the top of his class in his academy and saw an extensive tour of duty. He performed as a top-notch operator in every case. Once, though, he was captured while behind enemy lines, and was presumed KIA. He came back three years later, and demonstrated the same ability he had before...until a private ticked him off. He flew into his rage, and brutally murdered the private. He was court-martialed, but begged for another chance. Due to his extensive service record, they agreed to send him on this last mission. Hopefully, they agreed, to be killed for good this time. Team Preference: Red Catch Phrase (Optional): Normal: "We'll think about it." Crazy: "LET US FRAG!!!!!!"
Name/Nickname: Nate "T" Heisenberg Gender: Male Position: New Guy/Headlight fluid fetcher (rofl) Weapons Training: Shotgun Personality: Nate is pretty lazy, easily distracted and the only reason he's in the army was because he saw the word "rainbow", which he thought was pretty cool for an army operation and pretty much made the decision to go into years of military operations based on just that decision. He is pretty resourceful when needed though. He's the dude that never smokes, yet is always high. Background: He comes from an upper-class family which made him a bit distracted and kind of lazy to do anything himself. That said, he had superb education which he never puts to good use. For example, he is able to quote the Divine Comedy but fails to realize it's not funny. He knows spanish, english, and is able to read pig latin (which he believes it's still spoken somewhere : /). Team Preference: None Catch Phrase (Optional): "Hey guys, what's going on", "Is this bad?". /hopes he wasn't too late.
All was quiet this morning. Relic was always quiet at this time. Red base was silent except for the steady drip of a tap somewhere in the base. Sergeant Major Alex Mercer was in his quarters writing in his journal. It had been a tumultuous term of command for the Major. He stood up stretching his arms and walking around. His red armor was on the bed nearby. He reminisced about all the savage battles he’d had. He decided to put on his armor and admire the military might of the red army. He let his fingers touch every battle scar on it including the one where he was shot in the buttocks. I still haven’t fixed that, he thought surprised. He decided to go to the communications room to check if he could get in touch with command or catch the morning ramblings of the enemy. As he moved through the base he could hear the pitter-patter of a leaking tap. He was sure he had assigned someone to fix it. He let it slide for now. When he got to the comm room he took a moment to admire the early morning light as it snuck over the horizon. “Huh? What was that?” he cocked his rifle and looked into the distance. In a moment of panic he broke the large glass casing around a big red button that said “DO NOT PRESS!” and thumped hard on it. The whole base erupted in a chorus of sirens and flashing red lights. He went over to the loudspeaker, “Red alert! Red Alert! All personnel to meet at the battle situation room immediately. THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I repeat this is NOT a drill! And I mean now ladies!!”
Book was huddled underneath his bunk, his handheld video game system clenched in his hands, the screen lighting up the otherwise dark area where he lay. He watched as the little tanks on the screen moved past his and began assaulting his weak soldiers. In a quick cutscene, Book saw his little soldiers blasted off the screen. "Dang it!" he cried, tossing the DS on the ground. He slammed his fist, accidentily slamming his head. Rolling out from underneath his bunk, he picked up the DS and shut it down. He was bored. He was always bored on Relic. There was nothing to do, except sit here and wait for the scummy Blues, who never even came. The Blue were probably just sitting there waiting for the Reds. And there was nothing on Relic, nothing at all except the two bases. It almost seemed as if they were just placed here for laughs. Book shook his head. No, there had to be some reason. His bored self walked down and began to place on his orange armor. He remembered wanting red, but he pointed to orange by mistake. He had been too afraid of his captain to ask for red instead. But now he liked the orange armor. Once it was completely on, he basked in the glory that he must look like. Suddenly, he heard a noise echo from around the base. “Red alert! Red Alert! All personnel to meet at the battle situation room immediately. THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I repeat this is NOT a drill! And I mean now ladies!!” With no thought to what it might be, Book's military instinct called him to run to the battle situation room, or as Book liked to call it, the BS room. It was Book's favorite room, where he, as the strategist, planned Red's military attacks, most of them involving blowing things up. He reached the door, but it didn't slide open. He tried to open it by hand, but it was still locked. Shrugging and reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a small explosive and stuck it on the door handle. Taking a step back, he pressed a small button on his wrist. The door exploded, and Book rushed in. "Boom."
Suzy carefully applied the last few touches of paint to her lightish red armor. The end of her foot had been scuffed in the latest of Sergeant Major Alex Mercer’s ridiculous drills. On cue, the familiar voice came over the tannoy. ‘Very funny Mercer,’ she called, fanning the drying paint with a piece of paper. Groaning, she got up and looked around. If this was another prank, he would be protecting his own stupid flag next week. It wasn’t as if the blues ever bothered to try and steal it anyway. She chose a shiny spoon off the plate with the remains of last nights carbalicious meal, and examined her reflection. Hmm, she thought. My bum does look big in this armor. She flipped it around and smiled, satisfied. She looked much better on that side. The red flashing lights glinted off the shiny lightish-red surface. Sirens blared. She let out a nasally screech of anger and stalked into the corridor, taking a detour out of habit to check on the flag. It was still there, as usual. A string of tinsel had been wrapped around the pole. That would need changing tomorrow. She stomped into the battle situation room.
The Major watched as Sappy and Book made their way around the base, they really should show more haste. What if this was an actual attack? He decided to relocate to their designated battle situation room, a small patch of grass outside the base. He stood on top of the base and saw Sappy come out. He waited for her to turn and see him before he posed and allowed the sun to dramatize the way he was standing. There was a slight rumble inside the base which made him lose his balance a little, "What's taking Book so long and where's MacGyver?" he asked her.
‘The door outsmarted Book again,’ Suzy replied. ‘He was strapping explosives to it when I walked past.’ She sniffed in irritation and tried to look around Mercer who was standing in a very strange way. There were no dastardly blues racing towards them. ‘So where’s the emergency? Or can I go back to bed now?’
Book strode in, his armor slightly singed and smoke curling around his ankles. "Boom." He glanced at his other two fellow soldiers. "So what's the problem, cap'n?" he asked, eager for some action.
The major hopped down from on top of the base and strode proudly towards his warriors, looking over the horizon. "If you say boom one more time i will personally dispose of all the explosives and by the lord's grace Sappy do you spray your perfume on, or do you just fill your bathtub up with it and splash around in it?" he paused momentarily, "I have noticed that the blues have done something new to their base. It's no doubt a plan to somehow throw our ranks into confusion, but that's not gonna happen. When they attack we will be ready to match their charge bullet for bullet." he turned to look at Book and Sappy, "I need to know that i can count on you men when the time comes. Where is MacGyver!'' He didn't wait for an answer. "Anyway, the reason i called you out here on this early morning is because we have an internal problem. I assigned someone to fix that leaking tap and they still haven't got to it. I want you to own up, because until you do no one sleeps or showers or has personal time. Fixing this leaking faucet is our top priority. Is that clear!''
“Damn it. This is what happens when you throw a wild party on the eve of battle!” Captain Pain looked over his base. “The flags been stained with tomato sauce. Graffiti on the walls, confetti all over the floor, and the entire facility has been tee peed!” He turned towards the nearby hill and sighed. “And which one of you drunk idiots knocked over the COM tower? How are we suppose to call Command?” Captain Pain happily ignored the fact that he was the one who bought the beer. What a hang-over makes everyone else forget can't come back to bite him in the flanks. "I should have you all court-martialed!" Captain Pain turned to his team and looked them over. For some odd reason he had no idea who any of them were. He assumed it was the hang-over drilling in his skull. “But I need you. Today we go into battle for the Holy Glory of the Blue Army! I expect high casualties, but that’s ok because you’re all expendable resources in the great crusade against those blasphemous Reds! Have no fear of death, for God will welcome you... and I think there was something about milk and honey, and golden streets in there somewhere. Regardless be happy... Sound off. It’s hard to write a stirring eulogy when you don’t know who you’re ordering to their deaths.”
Priss stood to attention and yawned, she didn’t remember how she’d got here. It had nothing to do with her hangover. Not unless hangovers lasted your entire life. When captain pain mentioned the coms tower she snorted in amusement. If he thought that was bad, he was going to freak when he saw the warthog. “Expendable recourses sir? You mean like pizza sir?” Priss asked before looking at the tomato sauce on the shoulder of her armour. “Mmm, pizza.”
Mizuki looks over at Priss as she stares at the tomato sauce on her armor. "Great, I'm surrounded by idiots, and one of them is hell bent of causing my death." Mizuki staggered to his feet and salutes the general. "I'm private Mizuki Aiden sir. Also, you know that we could probably accomplish more if we didn't die." ........Damn it, I chipped a nail. I knew I shouldn't have let them talk me into getting drunk.......
"Is that clear?" Book fidgeted uncomfortably. He raised his hand. "Yes, Book?" said the captain exasperated. "Shouldn't fighting the Blue be our first priority, not fixing a leaky faucet?"
Pain listened as his team spoke all at once, and took a moment to seperate what they were saying. "Damn it don't go talking all at the same time! It confuses me." He turned to Mizuki first and stared at him. "What's this about not dying? Dying is great! The world sucks ever since the Reds burned the Vatican, and that's why we're here today. We can't leave until every Red is dead and back to that unholy fire they came from. Vengance, or death! As we all know the bible is all about vengance, like when God burned Rome to the ground because they killed Jesus." He turned then to Sappy and shook his head. "No we are not like Pizza. Unlike you three, Pizza is actually enjoyable to be around. What with its cheesy fresh aroma and-" "Hey?" He counted the team members. One, two- Weren't there three? "Where's that other guy. What's his name?"
A loud noise startled an asleep Nate, who thought nothing of it until he remembered joining the army in order to get into that awesome party. The thought stood on his head for a couple of seconds until he realized the whole implications of that decision. "Man, I hate waking up early." He murmured to himself, while rolling over in the floor. It wasn't long before the authoritarian voice of the captain echoed through the hallway he was sleeping in once again. "Come on!, let me get some sleep here!" He yelled at the empty hallway. Only 7 seconds passed until the realization hit him in the face like a truck hitting a wall. He was the new guy they were yelling for. Luckily, he was already awake (at least awake enough to stand) and irritated, as any regular soldier should be, when he started running for where the voice was coming from. "Heeey, cap. Did you call?" Nate thanked that the visor was opaque enough to hide his drunken, half-asleep face. "Uhm, did I tell them my name last night? Man that was such an awesome party... Getting off-track, Did I tell them my name? Better be safe than sorry." He thought. "I'm Nate Heisenberg."Uhm, something was missing here. Oh, I know! "Sir." He paused, expecting a response, which he didn't get. "Do I get a cool title before my name like Private or Soldier or General?"
