1. stubeard

    stubeard Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2010
    Messages:
    178
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England

    Repeated pauses in conversation

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by stubeard, Aug 20, 2010.

    Anyone got any advice on how to put repeated pauses in conversation. I'm struggling to think of different ways to say they paused and then eventually spoke.
     
  2. Cogito

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 19, 2007
    Messages:
    36,161
    Likes Received:
    2,827
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    My best recommendation is don't do it. If you have a single pause, fine. Use an ellipsis to indicate the pause, or a well-placed beat to imply it. But if the speach is halting, indicate it in the context rather than punching half a dozen gaps in the dialogue.
     
  3. Wreybies

    Wreybies Thrice Retired Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 1, 2008
    Messages:
    23,826
    Likes Received:
    20,815
    Location:
    El Tembloroso Caribe
    Yeah. Just think about how annoying it is when people overuse the dramatic pause in real life.

    (Yes, it's not dramatic, it's just annoying.)

    Now place that in print. Doesn't look any better.
     
  4. Taylee91

    Taylee91 Carpe Diem Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2010
    Messages:
    1,262
    Likes Received:
    75
    Location:
    The Bay State
    The spokesman paused and gazed upon the crowd. Then he continued.

    An angry protestor hurled a water bottle at the speaker. This forced him to cut his sentence short. After the hooligan had been ousted from the gathering, the spokesman began again. This time with a quivering voice.

    I hope this is what you were looking for. Try not to have your speaker pause too many times. This will get monotonous. And some readers may grow impatient with your beats in the text.

    T1
     
  5. Cogito

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 19, 2007
    Messages:
    36,161
    Likes Received:
    2,827
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    Bottom line, you don't want your dialogue to look like a roadside sign in Redneck Country.

    [​IMG]
     
  6. Taylee91

    Taylee91 Carpe Diem Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2010
    Messages:
    1,262
    Likes Received:
    75
    Location:
    The Bay State
    Yeah, I completely agree. Too much text, with a lot of pauses and beats? Yikes. I wouldn't want to read something like that.
     
  7. stubeard

    stubeard Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2010
    Messages:
    178
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    Thanks for all your posts so far but I think I need to clarify my situation and problem.

    The scene is two 16 year old kids (boys) sitting atop a hill looking over their village. They are having a conversation about life and stuff but their conversation isn't really flowing, as it often doesn't between young males - there are plenty of gaps where no one says anything and the atmosphere is a bit uneasy (the point is that the main character is trying to be cool in front of his more rebellious mate).

    I am filling those gaps with them turning their attention to what's around them - tearing up the grass, throwing stones down the hill, etc., but when someone does speak again, I find myself almost automatically writing "he finally said" or "he eventually said". Do I need to do this? Has anyone got any suggestions how to do it differently?
     
  8. stubeard

    stubeard Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2010
    Messages:
    178
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England

    Hehe :)
     
  9. Cogito

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 19, 2007
    Messages:
    36,161
    Likes Received:
    2,827
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    Leave out the adverbs. Beats are sufficient, as is the lack of continuity of topic.

    "I saw Colleen today." Stuart picked up a stone and tossed it at a standing puddle.

    Matt stirred the dirt with his fingertips. "Mickey's folks are out of town. He's planning a kegger for tomorrow."

    "He's a tool."

    "Who cares, as long as he's providing. How'd she look?"

    "Messed. She looked messed."

    "Figures." Matt poked a stick into an ant hole. "Got a cig?"

    "Nah. I'm out."

    "Mickey's talking about enlisting, you know."


    ...and so on.
     
  10. Taylee91

    Taylee91 Carpe Diem Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2010
    Messages:
    1,262
    Likes Received:
    75
    Location:
    The Bay State
    No. Just have your characters jump right back into the conversation. Your readers will get your point.

    To vary your strings of dialogue and pauses, describe what your characters do. Take advantage of the uneasy atmosphere.

    Example:

    Nick rubbed the back of his neck and pretended to pick at a scab on his arm. The conversation was getting a bit too hairy for him. And more than anything, he wished it could end.

    T1
     
  11. stubeard

    stubeard Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2010
    Messages:
    178
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    Forgive my asking but Google (other search engines are available) has not been my friend today.

    What are/is "beats"?
     
  12. Cogito

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 19, 2007
    Messages:
    36,161
    Likes Received:
    2,827
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    See He said, she said - Mechanics of Dialogue

    There are beats in my example a couple posts previous.
     
  13. stubeard

    stubeard Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2010
    Messages:
    178
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    Thanks :)
     
  14. mammamaia

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2006
    Messages:
    19,150
    Likes Received:
    1,034
    Location:
    Coquille, Oregon
    cog's example is an excellent one... well worth following...
     
  15. EdFromNY

    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2010
    Messages:
    5,101
    Likes Received:
    3,203
    Location:
    Queens, NY
    Written dialogue doesn't have to be a written record of spoken dialogue. This reminds me of the discussion about writing as if describing what you would see in a film. The two media are different, and what works for one often does not work for the other. As Cog's example shows, the cues to the reader are different than the cues to the viewer.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice