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  1. Adenosine Triphosphate
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    Adenosine Triphosphate Old Scratch Contributor

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    Revenge for Infidelity

    Discussion in 'Debate Room' started by Adenosine Triphosphate, Feb 13, 2015.

    Is it acceptable to physically attack someone for cheating on you in a relationship?

    My answer is a vehement "no", but I have a sense that there are people here who would condone such retaliation.
     
  2. obsidian_cicatrix
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    obsidian_cicatrix I ink, therefore I am. Contributor

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    I don't believe that it is. If monogamy has been previously agreed on, it's crap to have to deal with but, to my mind, nothing justifies violent confrontation unless we are talking self-defence. If you can't control your violent tendencies, should you be in a relationship in the first place? It's a testing, proving ground if ever there was.

    How does hammering eight shades of shit out the the person one purportedly loves alter the reality of the situation? It doesn't, all it does is satisfy the urge to be vengeful.
     
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2015
  3. Lea`Brooks
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    Lea`Brooks Contributing Member Contributor

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    Is it right? No. Does it happen? Yes.

    To be quite honest, I've slapped a few people on impulse when they admitted to cheating on me. My best friend in high school decided to tell me on my year anniversary that she had been sleeping with my boyfriend. My principal pulled me in her office and said, "I know you're upset... But you can't hit people." Fortunately, I didn't get in any trouble.

    Do I regret it? Absolutely not. But I wouldn't have taken it any further than that.

    I think everyone has different instincts. Call it fight or flight, I don't know. But some people just want to get out of there. Other people want to get angry and lash out. I just hope that those people who lash out don't do it intentionally.
     
  4. 123456789
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    123456789 Contributing Member Contributor

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    its not about right or wrong. If a man sleeps with your girl, it's understandable if you throw him out of a window


    If a girl sleeps with your man, start pulling her hair and cursing at her telanovela style
     
  5. Steerpike
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    Steerpike Felis amatus Supporter Contributor

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    The answer, which is an obvious one in my view, is no.
     
  6. Link the Writer
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    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    As others said, how does painting fifty shades of blue on the other person's face do anything but make you look like a monster? To solidify to your spouse that yes, you are indeed someone they need to get the hell away from?
     
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2015
  7. chicagoliz
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    chicagoliz Contributing Member Contributor

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    I understand why some folks would have the impulse -- it's a betrayal, after all. But the answer is no, instigating physical violence is never acceptable.
     
  8. Chinspinner
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    Chinspinner Contributing Member Contributor

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    No it is not right; but a violent act on impulse in an extreme situation is a long, long away from a premeditated act. I can certainly understand it.
     
  9. Lemex
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    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    I've been cheated on. And my answer is no. Ever, and it wouldn't matter about the gender of the cheating partner - be they male or female.
     
  10. Garball
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    Garball Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand. Supporter Contributor

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    I have adopted W's ideas on preemptive strikes. First thing I do when I get in a relationship is beat the other person; not to much though, just enough to let them know they'll be beaten more if/when they do anything I don't like.
     
  11. KaTrian
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    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Staff Supporter Contributor

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    No, and the cheater isn't really worth it anyway.

    In all honesty, I might slap him if I found out, but knowing my husband, he'd shrug it off. But I don't know how likely this'd really be because outside the gym, I have zero impulse to attack people unless in self-defense -- even if I was angry or frustrated, so I'd probably just walk away.
     
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  12. BayView
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    BayView Contributing Member Contributor

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    It's interesting how several posts have mentioned attacking the OTHER person in the cheating - not your partner (or soon-to-be-ex-partner) but the third party.

    I don't think it's right to ever initiate physical violence, but I think it's even more wrong to be violent against the third party! One of the posts mentioned that the third party had been a good friend prior to the cheating, so I guess that betrayal would be painful, for sure. But a random stranger who just happened to sleep with your partner? I don't think YOUR relationship is any of that person's business, so I don't think he or she had any obligation to respect it (assuming it was even known).

    I've seen this in real life, people being enraged at the third party - I wonder if it's a sort of deflection of anger away from the partner who did the actual cheating? Like, A and B are in a relationship, B sleeps with C, and A isn't ready to destroy the relationship so instead of letting loose on B, s/he gets extra mad at C?
     
  13. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    I can't see how this is even an arguable point. Clearly the answer is no.

    Of course, we have the problem of if it's the guy who cheated and the girl who went off on him, physically, western culture doesn't view that as a physical attack the way it would be viewed if the paradigm were flipped.

    So, we have an issue of dual standard.
     
  14. 123456789
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    123456789 Contributing Member Contributor

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    It all comes down to why people cheat. If I had a wife, and we were having a rough patch, and someone at her work knew this and took advantage of it, I would feel justified in being upset with him.

    If I were a woman, and I had a husband who went to some party, and a mutual friend, an insecure but attractive divorcee, decided to get him tipsy and seduce him with compliments, and it worked, I would at least in part blame her.

    You say that party c is not obligated to respect A, B's relationship. Well(assuming they know about it) , C is disrespecting A and B, so the question then becomes, is violence an ok response to being disrespected. Personally, I think we ought to reinstate the duel.

    This is just one way of looking at it. In a passionate relationship, A may feel he/ she owns B, and vice versa. If C intervenes, A's act of violence against C may be an act of passion. Not everything is about morals. We are passionate creatures.
     
  15. chicagoliz
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    chicagoliz Contributing Member Contributor

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    Someone knew this and took advantage? Well, I suppose he might be kind of a jackass, but the ultimate decision rests with your wife.

    Again, the ultimate decision rests with the husband. If he doesn't care enough about the wife to resist having sex with someone who compliments him, he's not worth much as a husband.

    Ultimately, C is irrelevant. If either A or B make the decision to cheat, he or she has made a calculation about the relationship.
     
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  16. matwoolf
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    matwoolf Contributing Member Contributor

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    If someone screwed my wife I'd smack him in the face - probably gently with the horse hair whip, leaning across from my stool, remind him of the queue system in operation.
     
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  17. FabulousJewels
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    FabulousJewels Member

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    Sound advice, my friend!

    540x458xfunny-best-wedding-picture-ever_f_improf_540x458.jpg.pagespeed.ic.LPtsQndWYZ.jpg
     
  18. GingerCoffee
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    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

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    Since when is being pissed at a person a reason to hit them?

    And no, @Wreybies, it's not OK for the female to hit the male partner either. The problem comes in when the male hitting the female causes serious harm and sometimes the female hitting the male does not. That doesn't make hitting the male any less wrong, but it does make the two events different on several levels.
     
  19. Lemex
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    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    Surely any one hitting anyone is not OK. Regardless of gender. To me, it doesn't matter if it's a man hitting a woman, or a woman hitting a man, or a man hitting a man, or a woman hitting a woman - violence is always to be discouraged.
     
  20. 123456789
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    123456789 Contributing Member Contributor

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    So, say, you and I are having a private conversation, and you tell me something in confidence, and I use it against you, either to get you in trouble at work, or maybe in trouble with your wife, or your dog (it doesn't really matter who), you hitting me should be discouraged? Would hitting me be worse than what I did to you??

    What if some guy at a bar insults your girlfriend, maybe touches her inappropriately? Not even gentle violence, like a push or a slap, is OK?
     
  21. Lemex
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    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    Yeah - I think so. What does me, in that scenario, hitting you solve over asking you to cool the situation? Whatever damage I've done to my and my wife's relationship (just say it is my wife), don't I deserve it if it's the truth? If it's not the truth, and you help everyone know it's a lie, then fine - everyone makes mistakes, everyone can act like a douche at times. If it's not the truth and you don't help - are you as a friend really worth respecting as much as before?

    I'm no pacifist, I think there honestly is a place to use violence and physical force - but it's only as a last resort, surely.
     
  22. 123456789
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    123456789 Contributing Member Contributor

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    OK, I can meet you halfway. I don't think hitting the guy is worse than what the other guy did, but I think you're right that the violence isn't really necessary.
    What about in this case?
    What if some guy at a bar insults your girlfriend, maybe touches her inappropriately? Not even gentle violence, like a push or a slap, is OK?
     
  23. FabulousJewels
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    FabulousJewels Member

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    In actuality, I was kidding. And to answer your question, yes, even in those circumstances, her hitting you should be discouraged. Why? Because if you called the cops she COULD go to jail. Me, I've BEEN to jail for assaulting my significant other and it f***ed up my entire life.
     
  24. Chinspinner
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    Chinspinner Contributing Member Contributor

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    I used to know a guy who was intelligent, and he would regularly use this intelligence to belittle random people he would meet on a night out, especially after a few beers. This resulted in him getting punched on several occasions. He would then act with this righteous anger, "how dare they use physical violence", to which I and his other mates would respond with words to the effect of, you deserved it you silly prick.

    It is the astonishing double-standards here that always irritated me; this idea that someone can act as they choose as long as they stop short of violence without any risk of repercussions. They can provoke all they want, but no-one is allowed to respond to the provocation.
     
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  25. Lemex
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    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    Then take him outside for a curb-stomping. Unless he's some body builder type and clearly tougher than you, and considering I'm a weak-shit I'd just walk away. If you did fight, you don't know the guy, you don't know how far he could take anything. He could be the sort who, as soon as he decides to bother you and your girlfriend you are going to have trouble anyway - you can't take chances with some people. But that's a last resort, surely, in an ideal world you'd warn him off first.

    But this isn't an ideal world, sometimes you have to act first and live with the consequences. That's unfortunate, but that's life.
     
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