1. bakalove
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    bakalove Member

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    revisions to my trilogy

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by bakalove, May 7, 2012.

    So i have taken advice from everyone who helped me before so after all the revisions this is what i ended up with.

    Book one is no longer just about the main character learning to control his magic and other things. Its more focused on the big conflicts. The book itself would be able to survive without the other two books i would make it so book one has an ending but leave you asking questions. Book one is also gonna be deeply outlined first ill make a general themed outline cutting some details just to get through the outline faster then i will do a chapter outline to make sure I stick to the story. But the major thing that has changed is im cutting out the third main character that has outlasted all the changes which means that in the third book the second main character turns on the first which will make it abit more dramatic because the main character will have no help in the situation.

    So just to get some insight on whether book one is going to be good at all ill give a quick run through the plot.

    quick terms:
    Cah: basically magic
    Dak: God of the other
    Flow of power: black line markings that run down his arms and legs.


    The book starts off with Ian the main character who is the true being which is a person who can use cah which comes from the other. Which is a universe sorta parallel to Ian's universe. The problem with this is it causes stress on the Cah barrier that keeps the two universes separate. As the first bits of cah from The other fall through Ian tries to block out the cah which causes a huge amount of pain and stress on him but he cant block it out and it runs through him which causes him to pass out. When he wakes up he realizes he's not were he thought he'd be. Dak is sitting on a single chair in a huge white room there is no details to room just a white abyss. Dak gives Ian a warning and sends him back to his universe. The warning was that mutated beings (which i havent come up with a name for). will start breaking through from the other. At first these creatures will be tiny weaklings but as the barrier weakens bigger creatures will start to squeeze through. Ian encounters his first one as he's walking home from school which is sorta like a mutated dog that attacks him and breaks his leg. Skipping a huge part of the story Ian is sent off into war with a forming army of these creatures that have created a sort of base if you could call it that in the center of the country. As he is in war with these creatures the second main character Ish is fighting with him when she is grabbed by a human like creature and braught back into the other. through a whole bunch of fighting Ian gets into the other and gets her back. With a bunch more fighting Ian repairs the hole in the barrier by creating a huge pillar that supports the barrier *you cant actually see the barrier*. The book sorta ends at this point.

    (The actual book is alot more interesting this just gives a ROUGH idea of what the book will turn out to be...)

    But basically what im asking is this a book that could stand on its own but be open for a sequel?
     
  2. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Nope. As described, this book leaves the main conflict glaringly unresolved.

    You aren't "leaving it open for a sequel." You're leaving a cliffhanger.

    This is a perfect example of why a new writer shouldn't even think of sequels when writing a first novel. You're thinking primarily of the trilogy rather than the novel, and it's polluting your though processes.
     
  3. Mckk
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    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Cog, if he repairs the barrier breach with a pillar (which I'm assuming was the main story - eg. the solution that stops the war, which is what the whole book would've been about) - how did he leave a cliffhanger? I don't get it.
     
  4. bakalove
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    bakalove Member

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    Yeah the main conflict is resolved in the first book its in the second book that the barrier actually collapses and he has to find a way to repair it.
     
  5. Mckk
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    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Then why do you say you're talking about Book One, when this is the second novel's plot? Where's your first one?

    As Cog says, you shouldn't be thinking of book two when you're not a famous author yet... ¬_¬ And certainly not if you don't have Book One yet. What conflict's in Book One? How could the "main conflict" be resolved in Book One if the story's about how the barriers break and get repaired?

    I don't understand...
     
  6. bakalove
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    bakalove Member

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    Book one: the barrier cracks and Ian looses ish in the other he has to go save her and repair the crack.

    Book two: the barrier collapses and the world goes into chaos as millions of creatures flood into the human world trying to get there share of essense. Ian desperately tries to protect his village. But eventually Ian fails and the village is destroyed in a last pitch effort he evacuates everyone that he loves in to the realm of Dak. dak and Ian come up with a plan to force all of the creatures into the other again but involves sacrificing a loved one blah blah blah later as the barrier is repairing itself ish throws herself back into the other.

    Book 3: is about pancakes and waffles (not planned out yet)
     
  7. Tesoro
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    Tesoro Contributing Member Contributor

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    I think there's too little plot in the first book, but that is just how it looks to me. You're still saving the central plot for the second book. I think you should make the 2nd book your number 1 book and go from there. If you have ideas for more books after that, fine, if not, it will be a great stand-alone novel.
     
  8. Mckk
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    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    If the purpose of Book One is to repair the crack - and your MC hasn't done that (or there could be no Book Two when it collapses) - then do you even need to ask if it's a self-contained book? Of course it's not!

    Sounds like your main story is in Book Two - so why do you insist on having Book One at all? Make your Book Two into your first book, and go from there. Don't "save the best til last" - if you do that, publishers and agents would forever be seeing your mediocre stuff, which means what? Yes, it means you'll never get published.

    Book Two sounds pretty interesting in my opinion - although I'm not sure about Ish throwing herself back into the Other as that is a loose end right there. If it were not as abrupt but a thought-through decision, it could stay I think, but your readers need closure and unexplained throwing of oneself into the very realm your MC's been fighting against is gonna leave your readers extremely dissatisfied. Start with Book Two and don't waste your time with Book One.

    And to be honest, it sounds like you don't have a Book One. You have a beginning in "Book One" and then the middle, the story, in Book Two. Merge them.
     
  9. bakalove
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    bakalove Member

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    Alright i see what you mean i should have explained it better :p.

    Book one isent just that small little sentence that i said.

    In book one it starts off with Ian in his village<===(with no name yet). for the first chapter it basically goes through a normalish day of school you basically get to know the character. But towards the end of the chapter he starts to get a weird feeling he quickly puts the feeling to cah (which is basically magic). he is confounded as cah doesnt naturally flow through air in there world he ignores it for awhile but that feeling gets worse and as he's walking home with Ish. He is hit with a huge burst of cah which causes him to fall to the ground unconscious Ish who isn't affected by this source of Cah stands bewildered at Ian who smashes to the ground. but she doesnt get much time to help because a gnarly looking beast jumps off one of the house roofs and attacks her. She is mid fighting this when Ian wakes back up. Ian quickly gets up and sends a pillar of flames at this beast it forgets about her and attacks him after lots of fighting the beast eventually dies. Ish and Ian limp there way back to his house amazingly nobody appears to help them they see people look from there windows but nobody comes to there assistance. Skipping lots of stuff eventually comes the day when the Head of the Ministry comes to town but its not for a speech or the yearly greeting its to visit Ian. Ian is escorted out of school and the minister has a long talk with Ian about the situation with the Cah barrier. He then shows the map of the new Cah that is floating like long tentacles through the country. The minister then predicts what it means but he's completely wrong and Ian knows whats going to happen. Skipping again we come to when Ian, ish and an army of the finest Magicians(i geuss we can call them that for now) go to war with the forming army of these creatures. The war takes up a huge portion of the book and Ish is lost in the other for most of it. When Ian finally returns from the other with her she is in a horrid state. The war finishes up and Ian takes the few remaining creatures and forms a pillar that dissapears into the sky to hold up the cracked portion of the barrier. and the book basically ends.

    Ending it in this way makes it so the book doesnt need a sequel but it makes the reader long for another book. :p
     
  10. bakalove
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    bakalove Member

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    The outline of the basic story has been finished and im starting on the ROUGH manuscript of the first book if i write quickly i should have the first chapter done in a few days. Thanks to everyone who has given me advice. :)
     

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