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  1. PastPresentNFuture
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    PastPresentNFuture Senior Member

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    Romantic Feelings for older people

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by PastPresentNFuture, Aug 16, 2011.

    So a few days ago, I was at the ROM, when I saw this beautiful and tall girl who was looking at some ancient relics. This girl (or woman) was twenty meaning she was 3 years older than me. Even though she was from Calgary and had a boyfriend, I coudln't help but develop a small crush on her. What do you guys think about liking considerably older or younger people?
     
  2. Mallory
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    Mallory Mallegory. Contributor

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    Nothing wrong with it, as long as you aren't a 40-something-year-old preying on a kid or something like that.

    If you both like each other, and there's no cheating involved, then who cares?
     
  3. WriterDude
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    WriterDude Contributing Member Contributor

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    Since when is three years older "considerably older"? I dated a woman 16 years older than me. ;)
     
  4. Jessica_312
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    Jessica_312 Contributing Member

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    Well, 3 years isn't exactly a huge generational gap (well, obviously if you're 16 and dating a 19 or 20 year old, there could be issues) - but the older you get, the less important age differences seem to be. I tend to like guys that are a few years older (I'm 25 and I seem to like guys in their early 30s - a maturity thing maybe, IDK). Personally, I think it's nasty when you see these 70-year-old men with 20-something girls, I just don't get it (not to mention, when the age gap gets TOO big, you tend to have a lot less in common / less ways to relate). To each their own, I guess, but... eh
     
  5. PastPresentNFuture
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    PastPresentNFuture Senior Member

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    yess, I am a person who likes females born from the years 1991-1997 (since i was born in the year 1994), but i esepcially like girls born from the years 1991-1993, since i love the mature aura they radiate. I'm seventeen now and I wonder if it would be a stretch to like women who are 21 (born in 1990) or older
     
  6. Mallory
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    Mallory Mallegory. Contributor

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    I'm around that age (early 20s) and if a 17-year-old liked me I'd probably find him too young, but you never know. If the person was fun to be around and have intelligent discussion with, who cares? (This is for if I'm single, which I'm actually not)The only thing to worry about is what's legal in your state if someone's under 18.
     
  7. WriterDude
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    WriterDude Contributing Member Contributor

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    Look at it this way:

    If you are 85 and your partner 75, it's no big deal.
    If you are 45 and your partner 35, it's no big deal.
    If you are 15... :D

    Point is age is important when you are young, but it gets less and less important as you get older.
     
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  8. PastPresentNFuture
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    PastPresentNFuture Senior Member

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    So it is fairly important for me now, but it will be less significant when I get older, I see
     
  9. Lemex
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    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    My first girlfriend was 5 years older than me. It's honestly no big deal.
     
  10. PastPresentNFuture
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    PastPresentNFuture Senior Member

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    So i guess for now I will expand my range to females born from the years 1989 to 1997 (dating thirteen year olds, is like dating little kids to me, I don't prefer it)
     
  11. Eunoia
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    Eunoia Contributing Member Contributor

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    This. I think when both people concerned are over 16 then age isn't as much of an issue.

    So don't worry you liked someone who was three years older. That's pretty normal.
     
  12. Lemex
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    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    I know a guy who did date a 13 year old. And he was 25. I know him because that 13 year old was a friend of mine.

    I'm not saying anything more than it's fine to date someone a bit older or younger than you. Within a most age ranges dating is fine, but in, for example, teenage years it can get iffy with the social acceptance question.

    Personally I don't have a problem with someone my age (21) dating a 31 year old.

    I would have a problem with a 21 year old dating an 11 year old.
     
  13. Clumsywordsmith
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    Clumsywordsmith Active Member

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    Heheh, 3 years a difference? It's nothing but what you make of it. When I was your age I didn't find myself attracted to anyone but women at least a few years older than me, mostly because girls of my own age were so immature and pointlessly backward that I could never quite get over it. My own girlfriend is something like five and half years my senior.

    My advice to you? If you find yourself more often attracted to girls a few years older than you, it just means you should wait a few years until you yourself are old enough to interest them. Don't bother getting involved with the immaturity of your peers -- it's not worth it. Who knows? Maybe by then the tall, beautiful girl in the art gallery will be single again and looking for more than art...
     
  14. WriterDude
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    WriterDude Contributing Member Contributor

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    It varies a lot from person to person, of course. What I mean is you are still young, and your life is just starting. You are about to move out of your parent's house (unless you have already) and are becoming independent. You need to get a job soon and learn to live on your own. And who knows, maybe you are ready to start a family soon, but most people your age aren't. You need to live on your own and find your own identity as a grown man (or woman) first.

    Now take a girl three years younger than you. I see from your profile that you are 17, so she would be 14. She is still a young girl, but she's about to become a young woman. She is going through a lot of changes, both physically and mentally. She is still too young to move out on her own and have a serious relationship, which is one reason why relationships with people this young rarely works over time. There's just too much going in her life already, so it's very easy for kids this young to grow apart.

    And finally, take a woman a three years older than you. If you are 17, she would be 20. By now she's done studying and have a job, and she has moved out into her own apartment. She is a grown, independent woman, and when she dates, she would probably want a grown, independent man. She wouldn't want a boy who's just moved away from home. Plus, by now she might want to start a family, and she is ready for it. Are you? Most people your age aren't. You are still a kid, so why get kids on your own?Of course all this is different from person to person, and I only mean it as a guide.

    Of course all this is different from person to person. What I mean is age isn't all that matters. It's more important to find someone you enjoy spending time with and who wants the same as you.

    I think you are focusing far too much on the age. What if you met an attractive woman born in 1987 and you really got along well? Is she still too old?
     
  15. Jayyy1014
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    Jayyy1014 Jerrica Contributor

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    Honestly, it's no big deal, unless, there is a HUGE age gap. I've always been attracted to guys a few years older than me, because they're more mature.(Usually)
     
  16. PastPresentNFuture
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    PastPresentNFuture Senior Member

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    That's the same with me and older girls, and i dare say, i think that's what i have that sometimes attracts younger girls
     
  17. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    My girlfriend is seventeen years younger than me (I'm 58 now). And she's the one who pursued me. That's the greatest age difference in any relationship I've had, but I have been involved with women a few years older than me as well.

    It would make a difference if one were an adult and the other not, but as long as both people are old enouigh for informed consent, it's not at all important.
     
  18. Baywriter
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    Baywriter Contributing Member Contributor

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    Perhaps I'm biased because I love a guy 10 years older than myself, but I don't see an issue with it. As long as you're not breaking any laws, of course. Like was said before, as long as you get along and it's legal, why should age matter?
     
  19. Steerpike
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    Steerpike Felis amatus Supporter Contributor

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    I don't see it as much of an issue. When I was 20 I had a girlfriend 11 years older. In my mid-30s I had a girlfriend 12 or 13 years younger. Not really a big deal in either case.
     
  20. Sidewinder
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    Sidewinder Contributing Member Contributor

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    This kind of behaviour is completely unacceptable! You people should be ashamed of yourselves!

    Just kidding. I've been in relationships with two girls who were a decade younger than me. The age was never issue, and I actually think I'm more romantically compatible with girls who are younger. My rule is I won't date anyone under 19 though.

    Just an observation: it seems to me that younger women and older men seem to be more compatible for long term relationships than older women and younger men. Not a steadfast rule, just something I've observed. I think it has to do with compatibility of sex drives, and the tendency for younger men to behave immaturely. Younger men and older women in relationships tend to break up rather quickly. Anyone else notice that?
     
  21. Lightman
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    Lightman Active Member

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    Men mature more slowly but age better. That's the secret.
     
  22. Clumsywordsmith
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    Clumsywordsmith Active Member

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    I've never liked this generalisation. Much of maturity is entirely based upon the individual, their personality, and the way they were raised. Not to mention that general levels of maturity have mostly evened out between the sexes by about high school. The only real reason I can see that this comment is still floating about is due to the (mostly true) generalisation that when immature men do stupid things, it's far more likely to be on a level that gets them noticed.
     
  23. Jayyy1014
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    Jayyy1014 Jerrica Contributor

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    @sidewinder, I totally agree! I usually won't date guys younger than me, unless they're mature for their age, which most are not, But, of course you'll find a few mature people for their age. If someone is mature for their age, and we can have a non boring/intelligent conversation, I'll date them(Usually, if I find an attraction and they aren't too young that is. :p)
     
  24. J.P.Clyde
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    J.P.Clyde Prince of Melancholy Contributor

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    It's kind of weird the way age has developed over time. Not to long ago during the 1800s, the Victorian era it would have been perfectly okay to marry a thirteen year old girl or even be seen romantically involved with one. However, now it is seen wrong and something disgusting.

    I have always find it so fascinating how society changes and it becomes more knowledgeable.

    For me I don't think age really should be a factor. If you have the ability to make sound and intelligent and mature decisions about whom you date then I think you should be allowed.

    At eighteen I was dating a fifteen year old. We were three years apart. But I was considered an adult and her a minor. So technically our relationship was illegal. Which I find so wrong and not right.

    For me I don't date anyone pass 4 to 3 years younger or older...it always has just been my quirk.
     
  25. digitig
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    digitig Contributing Member Contributor

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    Well, I don't think dating was illegal -- unless that's a euphemism!

    When I was 30 I dated a 21-year-old. The age difference wasn't an issue. The fact that she was almost a Fatal Attraction level psycho turned out problematic, though. (Disclaimer: her view might differ from mine!)
     
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