Screams of Silence, Cries Unheard: The Story of Rita Landow

But it's highly unlikely that a child's going to be reading a book that includes a character - an adult character, by the way - who burns a person alive.

I'm also still not seeing any foxlike characteristics at all. Age, skills, home, family structure, societal structure, all seem to be completely human. I discussed, in another one of my posts, the ways that various authors introduced animal-like characteristics into their anthropomorphized animal characters. I seem to be in the strange position of trying to persuade you to make your animal character an animal rather than pure human.

 

I agree, it's not always likely (more so now when parents are educated to listen, a lot of kids used to say something but were disbelieved, which is more of a problem imo), but incest in a mainstream children's book is still inappropriate (as per my previous comment). Niche literature I'm sure can find use for such a story though, like you said, some kids who are already suffering could fund it easier to open up or even report it.

Plus, all this human-thinly-disguised-as-a-fox incest story concept is just a bit too creepy for me. I think that perhaps, if you can't write it like it should be written (with human characters, because that's what they obviously are) perhaps you need to let it stew until such time you feel you can attempt it again? But that's just my impression.

 

mine, too!

 

ChickenFreak: I get what you're saying. Personally, having her living in a den, hunting for food, and eventually being taken in by a lonely old widow (drawing inspiration from The Fox and the Hound here, obviously) would be boring. To me, it wouldn't be a very sufficient way to have the character recover. So, as I said already, I think it would be best to just make the character a human, keeping her personality, her past, her name, pretty much everything that I have in her character description sheet.

jazzabel: That would probably be the next best thing. Walk away from the story for a while and work on other stories (like "Cry No More") in the meantime.

 

bravo!... glad to see you're being practical and facing the reality of the publishing and bookbuying world...

 

Still, I'm sure if you were to ask any critic why they loved films like Kung Fu Panda and Finding Nemo they would more than likely list the characters as one of their reasons for liking the films. Going back to what I was saying earlier, as long as the character is well-rounded and likable, who cares what species the character is?

 

But the character's species should be reflected in the character in some way. Nemo was a fish. He lived in the water. He had the problems that a sentient fish would have. If he had lived in a house and been able to tie knots and set fires, it wouldn't have made any sense for him to be a fish.

Now, you might say, "Well, having a character who has to spend all his time in the water would be boring." And, yes, a character who has to spend all his time in the water does limit your options, just as a character without opposable thumbs or an upright stance or the ability to use a house key limits your options. But that's why you don't use that particular character type for a story that fundamentally conflicts with the nature of that character type.

I'm getting the feeling that making a character an animal has some inherent value to you, irrespective of whether you use the characteristics of that animal in any way at all. It seems that saying "my character is a red fox" somehow makes that character more approachable for you.

But most readers have no problem with human characters, and so making the character an animal, without making them in any way different from a human, just confuses the reader. You get the benefit; the reader gets the cost.

I had a similar problem. For years, I had trouble writing any protagonist who was not a female child. Male children, grown women, grown men, were a struggle for me. I kept trying to stretch the level of independence that a child could have, and the kinds of plots that they could be in, because I wanted to write with my chosen character type.

But that was _my_ chosen character type. It was a security blanket for me; it didn't do the reader any good. Your readers probably have no particular need to read about an animal. So when the character type and the story just don't mesh, I think that the author needs to either change the story, or change the character type, because otherwise he's imposing big compromises on the reader, and there's no particular reason why the reader should put up with that.

I don't know how to suggest that you get comfortable with a different character type, because while I'd like to say I did all the work to get to that point, I didn't. I realize now that my problem was that I had trouble writing a character who wasn't a couple of "life phases" younger than me. So when I was a young adult, I wrote children. When I was an older adult, I wrote adolescents. Now I'm old enough to be comfortable writing young adults and, if I stretch, thirtysomethings. I didn't do the work, I just outgrew the worst of the problem. I am becoming more comfortable with writing men, so I'm doing some of that comfort-zone work, but I'm not there yet, so I have no real advice.

So, writing about non-human characters can be fine. But there's nothing _inherently_ better about it that "pays back" for confusion or compromises that result from it. Choosing a character type that fits with a story is not some sort of compromise or sell-out; it's part of the craftsmanship of writing the story.

 

Wonderful response! Agree with you completely, 100%! Making Rita act like an ordinary fox in a story about sexual abuse will be a tough job, let me tell you. Hence, why I thought about keeping everything in her character description sheet, just changing her into a human. This means that I will have to get rid of the adult baby side of her and remove the binge eating disorder. Those traits just seem more appealing to me when she's a fox, not so much when she's a human.

 

I have tried starting the story off with her burning the house down, but that went nowhere and only came out as unbelievably boring.

 

Really? That seems like quite an interesting way to start it to be honest. Let me show you how I'd write a little bit of it:

***​

Okay, ropes are tied. What next? Ah yes, the gasoline...

Rita picked the canister from the wooden floor and opened the cap. The smell was overpowering, but she loved it. Every time she went with her father to the gas up the car she would open the window, breathing in the stuff. Yes, she'd had some great times with her dad.

Shame she was burning him now.

"You crazy bitch!" he howled, slightly muffled from the gag around his mouth. "I'll kill you when I get outta here, I'll kill you. You hear me?"

"I'd rather you kill me than do what you usually do to me," I replied calmly. But I was a wreck inside.

***
​

I found that extremely enjoyable, and I hope it grabbed your attention. Just experiment with it - if one way doesn't work, try it another way. Make a list of how you could begin the story. You should be able to see what would hook readers most. And don't worry too much about the opening; chances are it'll be completely rewritten anyway, or at least heavily edited.

 

Oh! Okay, I get it now! I thought you were originally wanting me to start it with her standing across the street as the house was burning. I went on to her going to the airport, buying her plane ticket to Toronto, finding a place to spend the night, going to the Internet cafe to look up information on her brother, etc. As stated above, I will probably take out her liking for binge eating and diapers. For some reason, these aspects of the character aren't as appealing when she's human; they are far more appealing when she's a fox.

 

I had a look at Founders' Island on 'look inside' on Amazon and I can honestly say I havent read anything quite like that before. I would offer that a purchase price of $35 is a bit high for anyone who wants to carry on reading, good work for getting a book out there though.

The animal characters didn't really work for me, I think because there is too much a priori acceptance required from me as a reader as to them being animals and the cognitive dissonance really overcomes the rest of the story. In the context of the kind of books you are writing this is basically science fiction, and you need to do some work to help the reader get to the same place as you.

If it's Cotten Redsocks running around his tree and offering tiffin to Mrs Muffin-bunny then you dont need to explain why they are animals, because you are writing a children's book. In comparison The Moles of Duncton Wood by W. Horwood is a good example of anthropomorphised animals set in a believable internally consistent setting where they are still animals.

I like Kung Fu Panda, my kid likes Kung Fu Panda, but it is a children's film and its accepted that in children's animations there are a lot of animals. Its not the same in adult fiction so you are going to have to help your reader out a bit setting context.

My main concern really is the sexual abuse you want to put in the story but are having trouble with. It's integral to the character and is a theme you are going to have to go back to constantly throughout the story. If this isn't a thing you can write about off the bat then I would leave it well alone. Can you write realistically about the characters's post traumatic stress, the fact that is she was groomed from the age of three she will probably be suffering from guilt from having enjoyed some of the experiences, the fact that love for her is now equal to abuse, the self harm, the self hatred, the depression, her difficulty attaching, the effect of patricide, the statistically elevated probability of her being a pedophile herself; all within the context of her being a fox?

This isnt something many writers would want to deal with.

 

I have no clue what you're talking about regarding adult fiction and helping the reader out setting the context. As for "Screams of Silence, Cries Unheard," you asked some great questions that really fascinate me. I have decided to completely omit the idea of her being a fox and making her a redhead to better fit the story.

 

wise move...

 

I agree, though it probably won't make sells because I have a very hard time promoting my work.

 

Have you ever tried getting traditionally published? That may be the way to go if you can't promote very well.

 

No, but I have thought about getting a literary agent to help me promote my novels. I do have a publisher, though. I didn't self-publish Founders' Island. As you probably saw on its Amazon page, the publisher was PublishAmerica.

 

sorry, thomas, but you need to read up on PA here:
http://www.invirtuo.cc/prededitors/pebpublisham.htm

you should really try to get an agent, first... but don't mention having gone to PA to agents or anyone in the publishing field, if you want to be taken seriously... and you may want to give serious thought to using a pen name for future books [if the name on that PA book is your real one] , so they won't be tarred with the PA brush...

i just took a look at it and it has mistakes in the dedication and is not even arranged properly, which will turn off potential bookbuyers, if the outrageous price they set on the paperback doesn't do so first...

i'm also stupefied by the page count being 990... especially since the characters are animals, but it's apparently aimed at an adult market... the writing style seems too childish for adults, as well... has it sold any copies at all?

 

Ouch! Not that I was interested in using them to begin with, but now I definitely won't!

 

I'm confused about your take on the dedication and the arrangement. Could you elaborate? Also, no, the book has not sold any copies? What exactly would you define as a writing style suitable for adults, where the writing doesn't come off as childish?

 

Would you care to explain why?

 

Well, for starters ...would you consider $35.96 a fair price to pay for the paperback edition of a novel published by an unknown author? Apparently nobody else does either, which is probably why you haven't sold any.

You REALLY need to visit that link Mammamaia posted. I actually arrived at similar information by going through another site. The list of what's wrong with PA is as long as your arm.

You really need to do yourself a favour, and take this on board.

 

arrangement:

the title is small and left-aligned, when it should be larger and centered...

the dedication should not be in italics; the dates are done incorrectly, with no space after the commas; it should be on a separate page, not immediately above the beginning of the text...

chapter number/title should start on a new page and be either left-aligned or centered... it's neither...

date should not be in italics...

there is no pagination... makes it impossible for readers to tell where they stopped reading and pick up again at the same place...

there are no line breaks where needed, such as when there's a time lapse or change of scene...

inserted song lyric is centered when it should be a block indent... and should not be in italics...

close to a thousand pages is way too long for a novel that isn't a family saga by a bestselling author...

sales:
it's no surprise no one has bought it, given the inflated prices it's listed at...

style:
take any 3 adult market novels by any 3 successful authors and compare the writing style to this book...

you should be able to see why your writing there is more childish than adult-friendly...

 

Why should the date be on a separate page entirely? That would make it confusing as to when the story takes place? It would also make it rather difficult to tell when the events are occurring. By putting the date before the text, this makes it easier for the writer to tell when events are taking place within the story. Also, why should the date not be in italics? Again, I have seen this done in other novels.

All of the dedications that I've seen authors do have been in italics, as have song lyrics. Most song lyrics that I know of are in the center of the page and are in italics. Having them be on the left and be in bold would be rather jarring to the reader instead of presented in the traditional manner.

This is the Kindle version. The printed version has its chapters start on a new page.

There were line breaks between scene skips/flashbacks. For whatever reason, this did not make it into the printed version, neither the Kindle version.

Many writers such as J.K. Rowling and Stephen King write books that are close to 1,000 pages.

I have no control over the price of the book. That is entirely left up to the publisher to decide.

What would you suggest as three of the best novels on the adult market? I have James Patterson's The Quickie and his style of writing is quite similar to mine. Reading is one of the best ways to learn how to write, hence why so many authors and writers suggest that people read in order to become better writers.

 

Mammamaia, please feel free to critique the work to show me how it should be formatted because you're confusing me here. You can email the critique at baffledbrandon@yahoo.com.