1. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    Second person diary entry.

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Elgaisma, Jan 19, 2011.

    OK having be ruminating how to tackle Reverend Allsopp someone suggest a second person diary entry would be creepy on another thread. The guy is slightly unhinged think it might work just wondering how to approach it should he be addressing a reader, god, or himself whilst writing it ?

    Any ideas or quick examples appreciated.
     
  2. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    i don't see how using second person could make any sense at all, for a diary... second person would read like this:

     
  3. Mallory
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    Mallory Mallegory. Contributor

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    Or it might have more of a "You're just sitting there, judging me, with those damn beady eyes of yours...you don't know what it's like to be me," feel, so that the stuff about the work/cookies in the last example would be in 1st person but it's made 2nd person because it's as though he's talking right to you.

    To make it more unnerving -- if that's what you're going for -- try to hit the nail on the head with your readers. For example, mention the reader wearing a blue shirt, or lying in bed, or having undone dishes lying in the sink. Of course, this won't describe every reader, but seeing as how lots of people read in bed and wear blue shirts and have messy dishes, you'll make some people go "Whoa, it's like he can see me!"

    That might be fitting for a villain. :)
     
  4. art
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    art Contributing Member Contributor

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    If he's addressing himself, I think this would work admirably. Though perhaps he might appear too unhinged for your purposes. A reverend, perhaps, who's prey to lascivious thoughts and stirrings he feels he shouldn't have, and the diary becomes an exercise in self-flagellation. Could go as deep or be as light as you like. Very probably, a hoot.
     
  5. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    Well have started it lol I have decided to have him address God so not strictly second person anymore as the you is God, its a varient on first person. But it is very similar to your description Art except not self flagellation but I love that idea - he is the opposite.

    He is still unhinged and is currently blaming God and the delectable Cecilia Lovelace for his indiscretions lol I am going to shipwreck him with the equally bonkers Captain Salton Bliss and see what they get up to :) Later he is going to think he is God and that point the diary will go from first to second person.

    Maybe towards the end they become second person self flagellation or he alternates that would add to the derangement.
     
  6. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    if he's addressing god, how can 'you' be any version of 'first person'?... is the narrator suffering from a split-personality disorder of some kind?...
     
  7. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    I do not have anything beyond some undergraduate training in psychology I am not qualified to diagnose him. I'm classing it as first person because the reverend is telling the story about himself to either god ot himself rather than trying to drag the reader in and alternates between My and You. But the you is not the reader it is God and then himself.

    He is weird, he is arrogant, he later is sure he is god but then who am to say he isn't his own god.

    There is a combination of you and my in the first few entries at least until he gets to the Island. Then probably will slip to the self flagellation as his faith in God wanes, then from that we revert into first person because he is God.

    As I am envisaging it now it is going to involve both first and second person. Might even as he slips further into madness become third person as his talks about himself in that manner.
     
  8. Islander
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    Islander Contributing Member Contributor

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    Maybe he turns out to be a god?
     
  9. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    ok... i get it now [i think]... just be careful you don't drive the readers mad with all of that identity confusion! ;-)
     
  10. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    Is why I am writing it in 600 word bursts and serialising it :)

    It wouldn't work as a standard novel but a series of diary entries it can be controlled more.
     
  11. lyteside
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    lyteside Member

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    Writing in second person seems appropriate in some cases, if its not extremely focused on events that happened. When the id is addressing the ego, and vice versa, second person totally works.

    "You can do this, Frank..." Frank said to himself. "Every time you talk to her, you go catatonic. But not this time. This time you are going out there and you are going to seize the moment!"
     
  12. Lothgar
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    Lothgar Contributing Member

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    I thought we agreed that you wouldn't include me in your story? :eek:




    For what its worth, this is what came to my mind, when I contemplated what a dairy of a madman might look like. The thought trains and reasoning are all jumbled and confused:



    January 3:

    Thou hast forsaken me? Why? WHY has thou forsaken me? It was ordained that I come here to lead this flock unto the path of righteousness, and yet you deny their salvation by withholding my divine inspiration. Yes, it is ALL YOUR fault. You are unworthy to have a devoted priest such as I. All you do is backslide, you are lazy, forgetful and friggin temp me with that beautiful dairy maid with the pretty pretty feet and those brown leather sandals, with the straps that so lovingly weaves itself between her delectable and dainty little toes. Oh that I were those sandals, that I might caress those feet and wrap myself around those toes.

    Note to self: Pick up loaf of bread a jar of mustard at the shop tomorrow.

    As the good bishop hast said, be thankful for our daily bread, and try to think not of the wheat and the mud and manure from which it came. No that wasn't the bishop that said that, that was that fad kid who works in the smithy. He's rather strange, that one, and his constantly farting cat that always looks at me like he knows something...perhaps he does know something? Could he be a messenger from god, here to tell me something? Does he speak English?

    Confound you god, why doth thou send me messengers that cannot speak? Art thou testing me, or doth thou find amusement in frustrating me?

    Nay, thou art god and thou may delay my delivering these folk unto salvation, but I know, deep in my heart, I know that thine own toes are no where near as delicious as that maid's.


    January 5:

    I like birds. They are pretty, colourful and sing pretty songs, except for that sea gull that pooped in my hair this morning. I haven't been that angry since the time I killed uncle Roy with that pitchfork last summer. It was very hot then, that is why I sought refuge in the cooler cloister areas of the abbey. Brother Edmund protested about my bathing in the vineyard's wine vats, but what does he know. After all, God has chosen me for this quest and besides, my toes are far prettier than his.

    I miss Grandma's peach pie.


    January 6:

    Still, you are silent...why? Why hast thou brought me here if thou wouldst leave me in darkness? Doth thou not wish me to fulfill my destiny?

    Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack burned his wick on the candle stick.

    Candle? Burning wick? Of course, its all becoming clear now. Candles, burning wicks give off light, light is enlightenment...and enlightenment is...to become one with God...to become God.

    Of course, that is why you are silent. I'm waiting in silence for you to speak to me and cannot hear you speak...because you are me and I am you. I must speak before I can hear you.

    Therefore...I am God...just as surely as the dairy maid's toes taste like honey.


    January 9:

    I have much work to do. Wrongs to right, evils to quell, blessings to bestow and miracles to grant. It is not easy, being God.

    But first, I must fetch a bag of peanuts for the all night "Doctor Who" marathon on television tonight. I hate going to the shop, that old man behind the counter keeps whistling those old polka tunes. Maybe I should erase polka music with a wave of my divine hand?

    I'll bet the dairy maid doesn't like polkas either. Maybe she'd show me her toes if I showed her mine?





    Well, was that disconnected, creepy and unhinged enough for you?
     
  13. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    LOL Lothgar maybe I should give you this character you are right he is perfect for you.

    Thanks for that you have given me some great ideas
     
  14. Lothgar
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    Lothgar Contributing Member

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    Tis my pleasure, Mi'Lady. I am, but your humble (well...not THAT humble) servant.

    *Gives a deep bow*:)
     
  15. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    I was wondering where the humility came from lol But I love the touches of normality although with him being 18th Century will probably be ale related.
     

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