1. Sillraaia
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    Sillraaia Senior Member

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    Self-doubt

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by Sillraaia, Jan 8, 2010.

    Hi. I wrote a novel. 78,000 words. Got it finished a month or so ago, it took me a year to write. I reviewed and edited and revised as I wrote, since I cannot progress until I feel comfortable with what was already written... and then went back to revise again about 3 weeks after writing it, until the ending.
    Which brings me to my problem.

    Now that I have written the ending (of about 2-3 chapters), I have no desire to review anymore. I mean, I still love the story, and the characters, and feel they are strong and good, and want to go back through to make sure the writing is good too, but - each time I open up the document to edit, I cannot get through even one sentence before being overcome with repulsion. I can't stand to read my own work, at the end.
    I can read the beginning, it works well, and am happy with it, but I don't know where I went wrong.

    So I think I should read it all again, from start to finish. But wouldn't this put me back into the mindset I was in when I wrote it? Revisiting the same grooves I dug for myself the first time around?
    Sure I will pick up on a few things that I thought I had said but didn't, or some emotions that need to be stronger and so enhanced.. but at a glance from where I am, I would think the whole ending needs a total re-write. Even though I am happy with the plot and the way things happened.

    Anyone been here? Is this normal? Does this feeling of repulsion / embarrassment fade, or is it something I just need to force myself through or ignore?

    In all the writing I have done so far, nothing for me has been forced, so I am more likely to believe it shouldn't be that way, but then I haven't ever finished a work of this magnitude before now either, so am on new ground and open to suggestions, please.

    Thanks..
     
  2. HorusEye
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    HorusEye Contributing Member Contributor

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    From what I understand, your ending has gone through fewer edits than the rest, as it's newer. Well, suppose that's the issue? It hasn't had the same time to mature in your head and on your paper as the rest of the book. Give it the time and effort that an ending deserves, despite how hard it feels. That's my only advice. Oh, and... I completely understand how you feel. I've had sections of my own stories read back so poorly it made me physically ill. That's just where you gotta roll up the sleeves and fix stuff. Ignore the shame of the quality and look at it analytically. Start fixing stuff, one paragraph at a time.
     
  3. iolair
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    iolair Active Member

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    Time to get one or two trusted readers (probably friends, as long as they agree to be honest) to take a look through it?
     
  4. NaCl
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    NaCl Contributing Member Contributor

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    Good advice. There is nothing like an independent perspective on your writing to renew your enthusiasm. Make sure your readers are not too close to you as they may be reluctant to give you honest feedback if it is negative.
     

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