Sex before marriage?

I think a lot of people overreact about sex. It's just sex. Sex is natural. I just think a lot of people, women especially, play it up as this big epic romance thing, and it just convinces me they've seen too many movies like the Notebook and Titanic, lol. It's really not as big of a deal as some make it out to be. But again that's just me.

 

I have to agree. It's just a way for people to show physical affection towards one another.

 

There is a psychological aspect to sex. To peg it as a mere physical thing is misleading. EDIT: Not saying it's love per se but there is a strong psychological aspect to this physical action that I think is equally important to the action itself.

 

I admit that I probably worded that badly. I meant that it's a physical way of showing affection for someone, but obviously affection means that there's an emotional side to it. Though I just don't view sex as being all that intimate. I would consider cuddling on the couch for an afternoon or sleeping up against eachother to be more of an intimate form of physical affection.

 

I am a Christian and I have to admit that I didn't wait until I was married to have sex. But the man I married is the one I had sex with.

I think that God doesn't want people to have sex before they are married because you can easily get hurt. You can get an STD, an unwanted pregnancy, you could be used and get emotionally hurt. God loves us and doesn't want us to do things that will hurt us. So goes to say for every other 'sin'. Basically the things God doesn't want us to do because it can eventually hurt us. But I know that because God loves us, if we do 'sin' He will forgive us if we ask Him to.

I don't think that just because you have sex before you are married that you did an all out terrible thing, or that you are gonna burn it h**l because you did it.

I heard somewhere that some people believe when you have sex that your souls are joined, and that a piece of your soul is left with that person. So in effect, the more people you have sex with, the less 'whole' you will be.

I like this theory because I do believe that you leave part of yourself with the people you have sex with. Mostly because more than likely the memory of them is almost always with you your entire life. Especially with your first.

I believe people have the right to make their own choices, according to what they believe to be right. Like I said before, we all have free will.

 

That's what sex may be for you, but it doesn't mean it's like that for other people. There is nothing wrong with a girl (or guy) wanting sex to be the culmination of great romance, epic love, and a multi-orgasmic experience. There is nothing even wrong for a "slut" to not want to have sex anymore, or for a "good girl" to want to have sex because she's just horny. Different people feel differently about there lives. Just do whatever makes you happy, regardless if that means being a player or celibate.

 

I agree with Becca on the matter.

 

I agree with Paki-Writing.
You should do what is right for YOU. It's no big deal for me and I am not tied by religious doctrine but I respect that others may have completely different views and I would never comment or discuss these as it is a highly personal matter.

 

Sex is such an important part of a relationship so I don't understand how people can wait until they get married. If you're not sexually compatible with your partner then your marriage is going to fail. Wouldn't you rather find that out before you get married?

 

Your marriage won't necessarily fail. If you love the person enough, you're going to have sex with them anyway.

 

I agree with these points especially. I think that you don't have to have sex to have a healthy and loving relationship with someone, and if someone doesn't want sex, they shouldn't feel pressured into it by their significant other, because if they are, it shows their other cares more about sex then how they feel. I was going out with my ex for over a year (Which is considered quite a long time at age 15/16) and we never had sex once, because I didn't think we were ready. And we had a very healthy relationship and we both truly loved each other.

Just my opinion.

(I could go into more detail but I won't.)

 

Maybe it's just me, but that last sentence sounded incredibly shallow to me...

 

Yes of course, it wont necessarily fail. However wouldn't you rather have a relationship with someone where the sex was amazing rather than just ok?

Imagine spending your life having sex with a partner who leaves you unsatisfied...

 

I would indeed wonder why I married that person, because if such a trivial thing as a physical sensation mattered that much to me, I would begin to think that I didn't really love the person enough. But I'm crazy.

 

This bit I have an issue with. I believe the act should be undertaken 'when it feels right', but crucially for both parties. As it's expected on the wedding night, there is undue pressure, and the act could go severely awry, and the chances of disappointment, or worse, increase. If it feels right before a wedding, go for it, on the wedding night for both, then go for it. If it takes a while after, also cool, but unlikely to happen because of expectation (like the prom). And heck, there needn't even be a wedding these days, so why wait at all? Of course, like everything, tolerance and respect is key, both for one another but also of others' views. Chacun a son gout.

 

I think he was saying that if you really love someone sex is inevitable because it's instinct. Makes sense.

 

Love is a state of mind; the instinct is the urge to reproduce. I can see why you would think that, but you don't have to have love to reproduce. Nor do you have to reproduce (or simulate it) to have love.

I guess I'm in the minority where that particular urge is weaker. Sure, I'd like to have a kid someday, but in no possible way to I feel like making that happen as soon as possible.

 

Whats reproduction got to do with it? I'm getting the feeling that you don't believe in contraception...

 

I thought love was more the instinct to reproduce with a viable mate in order to keep the species going, covered up with rose-tinted wrapping paper. Not trying to be cynical here, because I think love is the best thing in the universe, just my opinion is all.

 

One thing that I kinda dislike about the idea of waiting until your married is that then it seems planned out. I'd want my first time to be spontanious rather than being able to point to a calender and say, that's the day I'll do it.

 

Hence my use of the words "or simulate it.

Then we have very, very different opinions. I'm going to stop now so I don't say something that could get me into trouble. The rules are unbelievably strict here compared to where I'm used to hanging out.

 

I find it interesting that you have such a formed opinion on sex in relationships when you are an 18 year old virgin.

I also feel a little sorry for you if you really don't believe in contraception, however i'm not going to argue about religion.

 

Xeno, I've listened to Rabbis, even Orthodox, who say that sex is definitely not only about reproduction. It is about love. I'd have to look it up, but I believe there is even a vague reference to it in Genesis that the rabbi I listened to says is about sex being about the relationship, not about continuing the species. And of course, you can have a successful, loving relationship without sex.

 

I know. I have to hold back most of what I want to say in case I get banned. :redface:

I'm not trying to say that sex is just about sex, I understand the phycological and the physical effects of it, and I'm all for love (and don't think you should have sex without it) I just think that if two people love each other, sex is kind of going to be inevitable because I believe it's more feeling and instinct. But I do believe you can have a relationship without it.

Now what you must all figure out is, how many times did I contradict myself in that last paragraph? My true opinion is confusing to write down so I think I'll stop trying.

 

Personally, I cannot have sex with someone I'm not in love ... hence why I'm waiting for the right person. It sounds, I don't know.. cliche... but when the time comes for the experience to happen, I want it to be full of passion and eroticm, and most importantly, I want to feel comfortable. This is simply my own attitude towards sex however.. and I understand it'll vary person to person because everyone is different.