Share Your Back-Cover Blurb

Discussion in 'Blurb Critique' started by Cat Cherry, Apr 27, 2016.

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  1. psychotick

    psychotick Contributor Contributor

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    Hi Guys,

    Wolves of War is in editing at the moment and I've produced a cover for it. Also started the blurb for the back cover.

    "Briagh has a secret. He's a morph. One born with the gift of changing shape. He has another secret too. He's also a thief. A genuine cat burglar.

    Meanwhile Elan has her own secret. Despite pretending to be a bardic warrior she's actually the princess of Abylon. And she too has a second secret. Her entire family is mad.

    Her father and brothers are unable to rule. Her mother is not dead as people believe. Instead she's become the psychotic wolf mother, whose pack has been killing and devouring the people of the city for a decade.

    And then there's the Court and their little secret. They rule the Kindom of Abylon even though they do not have the right.

    Secrets are useful things. They allow people like Elan and Briagh to live normal, even comfortable lives. They allow a kingdom to be governed by those who do not have the authority. They make life for the people of Abylon possible.

    But when their secrets are revealed, none of those things may hold. And when the wolf mother is the reason for that revelation - it may be war."

    Cheers, Greg.
     
  2. Elven Candy

    Elven Candy Pay no attention to the foot in my mouth Contributor

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    Thanks! I'm really having fun with this book:D. I like where you're going with the first sentence--I didn't really like how it flowed but I couldn't figure out how to fix it. What do you think of this:

    After surviving a close encounter with the phoenix, Valfredo returns home to find the clan’s nesting ground destroyed. Now determined to protect the few survivors from a similar end, he must convince them to ignore millennia of traditions and beliefs that claim the phoenix is an unkillable fallen sun. But as the years pass, the phoenix’s appetite for dragon flesh increases, and Valfredo begins to worry not only for his own clan’s survival, but also for the survival of the entire dragon race.

    I like it, but I have a few suggestions:
    - How can they have a passenger and no job? Are they giving him a free ride? If you can clear this up, it would help keep down confusion.
    - The final sentence feels a little weak, probably because I've seen a lot of movies where the wanted men are the good guys. I think if you add a little specifics to why he's wanted, you can strengthen that sentence considerably.
    Example: And that's before they stumble across the Galaxy's most wanted murderer.
    - This is just personal taste, but I'd put a comma after last legs, since and a handsome, enigmatic passenger asking too many questions is part of the list of problems.

    This feels a little choppy. Can you make it a little smoother?

    Briagh has two secrets: he's a morph, born with the gift of changing shape, and a thief, a literal cat burglar.

    Elan also has two secrets: She's not just a bardic warrior, but also the princess of Abylon, and her entire family is mad.

    ^ Based on the assumption that "a genuine cat burglar" means he steals things in the form of a cat.

    Your story sounds interesting--lots of potential plot twists and intrigue in there!
     
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2016
  3. Caveriver

    Caveriver Active Member

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    Looks like this thred stalled again, but I really want to give this a try, so we'll see is anyone is still interested. I'm torn about this blurb, since it leaves out mention of the romantic plotline altogether. There's just so much going on otherwise, I don't know how to plug it in without downplaying it. Seems like it would stand in contrast to the rest of this.

    While the small-town media frenzy surrounding the Heron family tragedy has long since faded away, for Blue the four years past feel more like days. Now the sole surviving member of her family, Blue clings to the sense of purpose she has found in the quiet moments of a job she loves- at least, for the most part. Unfortunately, serenity on a dude ranch is often interrupted by the necessary evil of relentless customer service. For Blue, each new face is one more in a revolving door of mistrusted stangers.

    Meanwhile, as her critics circle, memories of the horrific reality of her survival demand acknowledgement. Not only does Blue discover she has a debt to pay, but also that she has the power to unlock a secret hundreds of years old
    .
     
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  4. NiallRoach

    NiallRoach Contributor Contributor

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    I was pretty intrigued until that last clause about the centuries old secret. Nothing against it, particularly, it just yanked the book out of my sphere of interest.

    I guess, in that sense, it does what a blurb really should: tell the reader what the book is, and tempting them to pick it up if they like that kind of thing.
     
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  5. Elven Candy

    Elven Candy Pay no attention to the foot in my mouth Contributor

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    These blurbs really are hard, aren't they? I had such a hard time figuring out how to make mine more than one sentence long without giving away any (or too many) spoilers. So much happens between points A and C that I just didn't know what to say!

    Here's my take on your blurb:

    I don't really understand what the story's about and what's important in it. The entire first paragraph describes her emotional trauma and how she feels about her job, making me think that her struggle with her emotions and job is what the story's about. Then the second paragraph comes along and, woops, that's not what the story's about at all. Now it's about . . . I really don't know. Maybe she's hiding from someone? Who are her critics, and why are they circling? Why does the reality of her survival demand acknowledgement? What kind of debt does she have to pay (the answer to this doesn't need to be on the back cover, but the way the blurb's written right now makes me more confused than intrigued)?

    The secret hundreds of years old throws the story from a normal-life-turned-upside-down atmosphere into a Tomb Raider atmosphere. People who prefer normal life stories will be put off by the Tomb Raider sentence, and people who prefer Tomb Raider stories might not even get to that sentence. Because of this, I suggest you throw some hints that this isn't a normal-life-turned-upside-down story earlier in the blurb.

    If the romantic part of the story's important, I do think you should put it in here. Some people hate romance in a story and others love it. It can be a deal-maker/breaker.

    Just try to write down the really important plot points and play around with them. Can you skip this one out? Is it okay to give this spoiler? How important is it to add some details to this part of the plot? Is that information really necessary to add?

    Keep going at it! I had to rewrite mine like 200 times before I wrote one I liked.
     
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  6. Caveriver

    Caveriver Active Member

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    Thank you both. These are hard!
     
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