1. g_man526
    Offline

    g_man526 Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2011
    Messages:
    80
    Likes Received:
    2

    She's too nice to him....I think

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by g_man526, Dec 19, 2011.

    As I've said before, I'm writing a story about the supernatural revolving around the lives of some four college students (to give you an idea, my main inspirations for starting this project were the Japanese novel/anime series Haruhi Suzumiya and my own college experience, which is swiftly approaching its end). Here's my question today:

    I'm in the middle of writing the first scene now, in which my male lead (who also happens to be the main POV character) first meets our female lead (who will probably have a couple POV chapters here and there, and the only character other than him who will have POV written, period), and they've already sorta undergone the 'awkward getting-to-know-you' bit. Anyway, before beginning the project, I had written this one much later scene that I see as the focal point in a sea change of their relationship, because she really doesn't like to show weakness (emotional weakness, or at least what she perceives to be emotional weakness) and she ends up showing it to him.

    I don't know if it's a "problem," but in what I've written so far, she's fairly polite and friendly to him given it's their first impressions of each other; she functions like a normal human being, and I intend to keep her that way (I hate MPDG and that is not what I have in mind for her). Most books, films and whatnot building a relationship like this seem to have boy and girl hating each other at first (Haruhi Suzumiya being no exception) or at best make them rivals at first or something. On the one hand, I understand why it's done and I certainly don't want her fawning over him or appearing not to have her own goals, and honestly, I think she could do to be a *little* nastier to him (i.e. take advantage of him buying her various equipment for their class project, chiding him for always being late to meetings, etc.). And yet I kind of like that they hit it off in the beginning and that you can sort of see the seeds of a naturally developing friendship (and it's more original than copying Haruhi who is herself a bit of a bully and jerkass). Would you want to be friends and keep hanging out with someone that's a little nasty to you? I just feel like suddenly making her a little more demanding (in literal terms and emotionally demanding) of him would seem a little unrealistic and just a tad bipolar.

    I guess what I'm asking is, how do I preserve the relationship I've established so far since I think it's fairly more realistic (without making it seem like she wants what he wants or like she fawns over him), but also make it so that they sort of have to 'work at it' (the friendship), in such a way as those boy-girl relationships that hate each other at first, such that the scene about her showing weakness to him when she wouldn't ever have shown such weakness to anyone ever is significant?

    tl;dr question: I feel like she's too nice to him at first but I don't want her to be a surprise bully or jerkass; what do?
     
  2. g_man526
    Offline

    g_man526 Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2011
    Messages:
    80
    Likes Received:
    2
    Just some pointers or questions I should ask my character would do...
     
  3. AxleMAshcraft
    Offline

    AxleMAshcraft Member

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2011
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    In my Head (USA)
    Alright, so I read through all of this and I think I have a suggestion that might work. Feel free to say no, I'm just throwing this out there.
    I don't think that she necessarily has to be mean to them to be friends. I think that maybe she should be kind of defensive, which may come off as being rude but if you want the two of them to have a relationship and some conflict in that later where she shows these emotions, you have to develope a relationship where they both overlook something. If that makes sense. Maybe she doesn't know a lot of people because of her being defensive and he managed to get through that?

    So that's one idea. I have another...
    After this act where she shows her emotions is when she could turn into this character that you almost want her to be (nasty, so to speak). Maybe she doesn't know how to react and starts lashing out at him and threatening him to be quiet.

    Just my suggestions...take them or leave them. All in all it's you brain child. :)
     
  4. g_man526
    Offline

    g_man526 Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2011
    Messages:
    80
    Likes Received:
    2
    Yeah, that first bit makes sense. I think I just need to develop her more. Thanks, I was getting a bit frazzled there.
     
  5. Simon_Says_Duck
    Offline

    Simon_Says_Duck New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2011
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think if you do a character profile for her you'll find "she'll answer your question" as it's said. I like Axle's second suggestion, though it doesn't have to be a massive change, look around and watch people you might see someone doing it, let that inform your writing. Maybe she opens up because the moment seems right (I'm sure everyone can agree we do stupid things because the atmosphere begs for it) but then once in a normal unemotional place we can get anxious about what we've shared. She could do this.

    or, you could look at most friendships, you get really close and as you get to know someone the things you loved about them can be the things that start to annoy you. This could happen to her. Not to the extreme but in general that could cause some conflict.
     
  6. g_man526
    Offline

    g_man526 Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2011
    Messages:
    80
    Likes Received:
    2
    I should probably clarify on this point: the scene that I've written is supposed to be a resolution for a personal(ity) conflict, and developing the personal conflict solved by this scene is what I'm having trouble with. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm having trouble figuring out how my story gets to that point, not past it.

    As to your second suggestion, I can see that as a definite possibility. I'll keep that in mind. I guess generally I'm trying to find a way to create belligerent sexual tension between them without making either one of them a jerk.
     
  7. g_man526
    Offline

    g_man526 Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2011
    Messages:
    80
    Likes Received:
    2
    I should probably clarify on this point: the scene that I've written is supposed to be a resolution for a personal(ity) conflict, and developing the personal conflict solved by this scene is what I'm having trouble with. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm having trouble figuring out how my story gets to that point, not past it.

    As to your second suggestion, I can see that as a definite possibility. I'll keep that in mind. I guess generally I'm trying to find a way to create belligerent sexual tension between them without making either one of them a jerk, and what you said might work.
     
  8. agentkirb
    Offline

    agentkirb Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2009
    Messages:
    494
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    Houston
    I don't know if this is what you are asking for but... there is plenty of middle ground between being hated rivals and being immediate friends from the get go. The two of them can be just have a relationship of convenience (i.e. I need to work with you to get this job done) and maybe you establish a bit of conflict by having one of the characters disagree with the other's actions/philosophy on something. For example, you mentioned the girl not liking that the guy is late all of the time. Or it could be as simple as the two of them are lost and fighting over which way to go. Something as simple as that can kind of make clear to the reader that they aren't best buds from the beginning but they don't necessarily hate each other either.

    Doing it this way allows for a more realistic transition later on in the relationship between the two of them... whatever it ends up being.

    Also... realize this. You can pretty much write the beginning however you want. It sounds like you have an end in mind already. Then just get someone to review your story and ask them about the beginning. It would be so easy to add in a scene here or a few paragraphs there that completely change what the relationship between the two of them is like at first.
     
  9. g_man526
    Offline

    g_man526 Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2011
    Messages:
    80
    Likes Received:
    2
    I'm gonna keep all of that in mind, thanks!

    And yes, I guess finding the middle ground is what I'm trying to do.
     

Share This Page