1. Domoviye
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    Domoviye Contributing Member

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    Should I do this.

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Domoviye, Jan 8, 2007.

    A zombie apocalypse story I'm currently writing centers entirely around a young boy, and his imaginary friends.

    At some point near the end I want the boy, Dennis, to get sick from eating rotten food. It won't be enough to kill him, but he's going to start hallucinating even more than he currently is. I figure I will make him see his dead parents, and have a really touching scene as they talk to him.

    When I told a person about this scene, she said to leave it out. Reason being it's way too cruel to Dennis, who has already seen his mother sacrifice herself to save him. Having his Mother and Father apparently come back from the dead will just be adding needless tragedy and sadness to the entire story.

    So I'm kind of torn. I think the scene would be a real heart breaker, and add to the story. But it may be too cruel, even after all the horror I've already put Dennis through.

    If you need more info ask away.
    If you want to read the first few chapters to get an idea of whats happening, you can read it here.
    http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2299030/1/

    Thanks
     
  2. Fantasy of You
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    Fantasy of You Banned

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    If you can question its right to be kept, it shouldn't be there. It's that simple. Nothing should be there for the sake of it's self.
     
  3. Max Vantage
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    Max Vantage Banned

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    With this I'm reminded of the first Superman film whereby his parents sacrificed themselves to help him escape the dying planet. In certain key scenes they come 'back' to him in the form of guidance through the crystals in his Fortress of Solitude either for knowledge or for support as you would expect mentors to be.
    The content of these scenes can be written as you like them to be, either something positive or negative for whatever reason you choose.

    If you feel underconfident then try writing them first then read your story with the scenes added then read it again without them in and see what the differences are to you.
     
  4. Robert
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    Robert Banned

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    Tragedy and sadness can be used effectively. They make the reader feel something, which can be a good thing. Thank your friend for giving her honest opinion, but you own the story and must decide whether to include what you're suggesting.

    Cheers,
    Rob
     
  5. Crazy Ivan
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    Crazy Ivan Contributing Member

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    I think it sounds like a good scene, actually. I say go.
     
  6. TWErvin2
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    TWErvin2 Contributing Member Contributor

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    Consider the reason for adding it. While not every reader will come away with the same opinion or feeling, what does it do for you?

    Does it add to the story? Does it reveal something new? Does it change the protagonist? Does it close the story? Or is it just there because it sounds interesting or unique.

    Once the whole story is written, see if it fits/works. It's easy as highlight and delete.

    Terry
     
  7. Domoviye
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    Domoviye Contributing Member

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    Thanks for the responses everyone.

    I'm fairly certain I could pull off the scene, and I think it would add to the story overall.

    The scene should give Dennis some new hope, making him try to go on. At that point in the story he'll have been hiding all alone for about a month. Add in the fact that zombies have been just one floor down from him constantly, he'll be worn down. His imaginary friends, who he thinks are real, can only support him so much at that point. So the scene isn't their just to be cool. I think.

    But I thought I'd get some third and fourth opinions. Sometimes I am needlessly cruel to my characters, and don't realize until much later. This is what I'm worried about, because Dennis is 7 or 8, I don't want to come off as a child hater unintentionally.

    Since no one has called me a heartless monster yet, I guess it's not too cruel. So I'll follow the general opinion here. Write it down, and if it sounds good I'll keep it.

    Thanks again, and if anyone else has anything to add, please do so.
     
  8. Robert
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    Robert Banned

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    You heartless monster.
     
  9. Domoviye
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    Domoviye Contributing Member

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    Bah!
    You don't count enough for me to worry about. ;)
     
  10. Robert
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    Robert Banned

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    Haha, well at least you're consistent in your heartlessness ;)
     
  11. zerobytes
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    zerobytes Contributing Member

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    I'd agree with Terry here. If it serves a purpose in the story then do it. Being heartless is the exact opposite of what I would call you for writing a scene like that. If you want to be heartless, have his parent's zombies come after him - or have his imaginary friends lead him to the den of zombies where Dennis realizes that all along they were setting him up and they sit there laughing as he is devoured by the zombie leader. OOOooo that gives me chills. Anyway, I think the scene you have described can be very appropriate. Many popular stories have used similar scenes. The mirror of Eriset (or however that's spelled) in the first Harry Potter book. Ben Kanobi (or however that's spelled) in Star Wars. The journey in Contact. All of them involve a revelation from a dead character(s) in order to explain or support the main character. So, if it serves a purpose, add it in and let us read it once you've got it.
     
  12. Domoviye
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    Domoviye Contributing Member

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    Yep, I'm going to put it in there. It's going in a little bit sooner then I planned. But considering how the story is going it should work out nicely.

    I may post the scene here. The scene may be able to stand alone with none of the back story. But I don't know. So I may just leave it on fictionpress with the other chapters. If I don't post it here, I'll post a link to the scene on this thread, in case people want to read it.
     

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