1. Credulous Skeptic
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    Credulous Skeptic Member

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    Should I even dare to do it?

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Credulous Skeptic, May 27, 2009.

    Today I talked about women, and how to ask them out with tact. And the person I talked to came up with a goofy idea: that I should tell older women I will give them a quarter for every girl they introduce to me, and that I'll give them a second quarter if the introduced girl will go out on a date with me. But this simply seems ridiculous, and I won't do it.

    I am very shy, and have never asked a girl out in my life, but now I have finally found a girl who is very cute, and very sweet to me, and seems remotely interested in me-- she was even interested enough to ask me how old I am. (Big deal, right?) I work in the photo lab, and she works in the pharmacy, at the other end of the store, so I only see her a few times a day. Once she was leaving the store, and was talking on her cell phone. I thought she would walk past me and ignore me. But no, she didn't! As she walked past me, and while she was walking to the exit, she turned around, and raised her arm high into the air, and gave me the friendliest wave, and the cutest smile I could ever ask for!

    Though I feel she MIGHT be interested in me, my pessimistic nature forces me into believing that she simply could not be interested in me at all. So I am unfathomably reluctant to ask her to do anything with me, for fear that she will either say no in disgust, or that she will say yes merely because she feels sorry for me. I told my mom that I am interested in this girl, but she told me to be friendly with her, but not to ask her out, since that might make her feel uncomfortable, since we work together.

    Well, what should I do?

    Wow, that the most I've written in years! Sorry for the length. :p
     
  2. M9A8E6S4TO
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    M9A8E6S4TO Senior Member

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    Dude, she's definitely interested in you!!

    Don't ask her out yet.. of course not! You don't know her that well. Get to know her a little. Go hang around her side of the store during your downtime. Show her that you are potentially interested in her as well. Tell us how it goes from there. We can help you along. I don't even know you, but you sound so enthusiastic.. and I know the feeling you're feeling. I just want to help you. Sorry if that was flowery.

    Anyway, don't stress on the "what ifs". It's either going to work or it's not. You might as well give it a shot, because if you don't there is NO way it's going to work.

    Good luck, man!! :)
     
  3. Credulous Skeptic
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    Credulous Skeptic Member

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    Thanks, Maestro! I was raised in Mississippi, man.

    But how do you know she's interested in me? She might just be being polite because it's in her nature.

    I could freak, I'm so nervous!
     
  4. hiddennovelist
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    hiddennovelist Contributing Member Contributor

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    Take it slow, get to know her better as friends, and then if you're still interested in her, ask her out. What's the worst that could happen? She says no? Big deal. Would you rather spend a little bit of time being bummed she turned you down or the rest of your life wondering what might have happened if only you'd summoned up the courage to ask her out?
     
  5. Credulous Skeptic
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    Credulous Skeptic Member

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    Thanks for the advice. I know I wouldn't ask her out right away.

    Man, if you saw her, you would realize why I'm nervous. She is adorable, and is a hard worker-- she works two jobs!
     
  6. M9A8E6S4TO
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    M9A8E6S4TO Senior Member

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    Yeah, Mississippi is a pretty crappy place, but the people here are generally nice so it's not too bad :). We are the kings of small talk, that's for sure. I'll be up in Boston this Fall, though. Looking forward to that.

    What it seems like to me, is that she is showing enough interest in you to where she thinks you have potential. You just have to show her that she's right.
     
  7. hiddennovelist
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    hiddennovelist Contributing Member Contributor

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    I worked three jobs and went to school full-time at one point...

    does that make me a hard worker, or just crazy? :p

    Don't let your opinion of her make you doubt yourself. It's quite possible that she could be thinking the same thing about you.
     
  8. LordKyleOfEarth
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    LordKyleOfEarth Contributing Member Contributor

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    I have always been a believer in striking when the iron is hot. If you think there is a chance, ask her. So what if she says no? My God man, its two letters! You have tossed more than that onto the internet (more letters creater a reater chance of a troll catching wind and attacking a thread <--- scientific fact)

    Seriously. Ask her out. Just remember that pickup lines have a time and a place. The tine is never and the place... well you can disern that on your own. :)
     
  9. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    From the few details on here you have given, she either wants to get to know you as a friend, or is interested in more than a friendship. Either way, it's a bonus, right?!

    Just ask her to go for lunch some time or drinks after work. Coffee even?

    She may say no, but at least you asked anyway. No use always left wondering 'what if?'
     
  10. hiddennovelist
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    hiddennovelist Contributing Member Contributor

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    Good advice. :p
     
  11. A2theDre
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    A2theDre Active Member

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    What's the worst that could happen? She could say she's grown to close as a friend to even see him as a boyfriend. Happens often and easily. It's like a lightswitch for girls, they'll get to a certain point, and then a relationship is almost an absurd idea.

    I'm a little with LordKyle here, strike while it's hot. Try and get over her side of the store and have a chat. Ask her if she wouldn't mind catching up for lunch or a coffee if you can organise it. If she says yes to that, then she's definitely interested in more than friends. Initially anyway. After that, hit up a movie or dinner or something that pretty much screams date (even though a movie these days isn't so much a date as it used to be). If she goes for that, then I wouldn't leave it too much longer to ask her out.

    Edit: if it works, it works. If it doesn't, then all you've taken is a small dent in your pride. But she is, after all, only one girl. Best of luck!!!
     
  12. Daniel I Russell
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    Daniel I Russell Contributing Member

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    When I was younger I asked girls out and was, at times, laughed at and openly mocked. I'm still here and with a gorgeous, amazing partner. It's just part of life.

    I have a friend who never dared ask a girl out. Ever. He lives alone at 28 and has never done more then kiss a girl. The longer he left it, the harder it is to ask a girl out. You can encourage all you want, but it's up to the person to step up and do what needs to be done. Can't do it for them!

    If it all goes tits up, chalk it up to experience and move on.
     
  13. LordKyleOfEarth
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    LordKyleOfEarth Contributing Member Contributor

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    If it all goes tits up, well aaaawwwwwright! [​IMG]
     
  14. hiddennovelist
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    hiddennovelist Contributing Member Contributor

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    I meant what's the worst that could happen if you ask her out, not if you wait until you're good friends and then ask her out...my point was more that if he asked her out, the worst he could get was a no, whereas if he didn't go for it, he was pretty much condemning himself to a no without even bothering to give her a chance to say yes.

    True. Everyone gets turned down. There's a quote by John A Shedd that I think fits here-"A ship in the harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for." If you never ask anyone out, you'll never get turned down...but you'll never get a yes, either. Take the risk-whether you get a yes or a no, it's a learning experience.
     
  15. becca
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    becca New Member Contributor

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    Ok, first off, for all you men out there that get nervous talking to women. You really shouldn't, we are just people too.

    GO TALK TO HER! You don't have to say anything witty or super smart. Just talk to her. Aske her what she likes, listen to what she says. That is really important. Usually, you will find you have something in common. Everyone has something in common.

    Don't be afraid to ask her to do something with you. She works two jobs, of course she wants to do something fun! It will make her forget the stress of her busy schedule. Even if you just go for a walk, or lunch or something. BTW, lunch is good, it can brindge the gap before dating. Dates are usually in the evening, and asking someone to lunch usually means you want to hang with them and get to know them.

    A good way to see if she is really interested in you, is to GO TALK TO HER, and say something, like 'you have a beautiful smile' not as a line, but really mean it. You will know by her reaction, if she wants to be friends, or if she really likes you. At least you will know if you can read anything about human nature. But, from what you said about the waving and smiling already, I am sure she wants to get to know you.

    Hope something in my rambling helped.

    Oh, an FYI, if you want to be really sweet or kinda romantic when you do decide to ask her out. Get her a greeting card, or a single flower, to give her when you pick her up. Guys don't usually do that kind of stuff anymore, and girls really like it. She will tell all her friends about how sweet and great you are ;) Plus, if it all works out, and you are together forever, it will be a really good memory for you both.
     
  16. Credulous Skeptic
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    Credulous Skeptic Member

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    becca,

    Thank you so much! But I don't think she would do anything with me at all. Sometimes she seems ornery and sometimes she seems friendly. I'm getting mixed signals from her. She is always texting someone as she leaves work, and I'm almost certain it's another guy. I doubt she would be texting her girlfriends as soon as she left work. I don't know anything about her. I don't know what to think. Worst of all, I have practically no chance to talk to her, because I must stay at the other end of the store unless I am putting up items that customers bring back.

    Dear God!
     
  17. hiddennovelist
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    hiddennovelist Contributing Member Contributor

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    When I leave work, I often text my sister as I'm walking out the door. Just because she's texting someone doesn't automatically mean it's another guy. It sounds to me like you are coming up with reasons why you shouldn't ask her out because you're nervous. Stop coming up with reasons why she's going to tell you no and just GO FOR IT!! It's a 50/50 shot, she'll either say no (and so what if she does? everyone gets told no at least once) or...SHE'LL SAY YES.

    If you just give up without taking a chance, on the other hand, you've got a 100% chance of a no. Don't let nerves stop you from going after something you want. You'll only end up regretting it later.
     
  18. Credulous Skeptic
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    Credulous Skeptic Member

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    You're too friendly here! Give me the truth: she hates me!
     
  19. hiddennovelist
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    hiddennovelist Contributing Member Contributor

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    I will climb into the computer and choke you if I have to.

    ASK HER OUT!
     
  20. becca
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    becca New Member Contributor

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    I am gonna have to smack you soon. We are not being 'too friendly'. We want you to have success here. Like hidden says, the worst thing she can say is no. But, at least then you know the answers no. What if the answer is yes!

    You are going to have many oppurtunities in your life where you are going to have to ask questions, or take chances that might end in a no. Even though that answer sometimes hurts, at least you know you went for it, and you know what the answer is. If you never give her the oppurtunity to say yes, she never will. Maybe, she is waiting to say yes, and she is texting her friend everyday, saying 'He still hasn't asked me out, what am I doing wrong?' ;)
     
  21. Gone Wishing
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    Gone Wishing Contributing Member

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    I'm a little late to the thread... but really, those two sentences are the KEY.

    You don't know anything about her, so don't think anything - more importantly, don't assume anything about her - especially what she thinks of you or what her reaction would be if you asked her somewhere. She could be texting anyone - her mother, a friend that picks her up after work, or a boyfirend **side note, what if she is texting a friend: no! he still didn't ask me out! what the hell do I have to do??** - but it's all irrelevant to your circumstances, because all you need to do is ask your own question and wait to see what she says. No girl - no matter what her response is going to be - will think you're strange or silly for letting them know you would like to spend some time with them.

    If she says no... yeah, it can sting, but nowhere near as much as the 'I never did anything about it' thorn in your side.

    Also, I have to say it - telling yourself that she won't/doesn't like you is likely to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you head in to something with the expectation that you'll fail, you stand a very good chance of proving yourself right. (i.e. you can't convince someone that you're worth their interest and time if you don't believe it).

    Take the chance - celebrate it if you get the desired result, learn from it either way.
    :)
     
  22. becca
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    becca New Member Contributor

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    Ok, another quick little hint about relationships. If you think you have to be super speical or funny, or REALLY good looking for someone to love you, ytou are wrong. The key is how you make someone feel when they are around you. If you can make the other person feel special, and singinificant, then they will want to be around you more.

    Have you ever noticed that you don't like being around people that only think about themselves, or that are constantly rude? But, that you love to be around people that listen to you, pay attention to you, make you feel special?

    SEE IT'S TRUE!

    Be the kind of person that people want to be around, and you will be the kind of person that people fall in love with. :)
     
  23. hiddennovelist
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    hiddennovelist Contributing Member Contributor

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    SO TRUE. I used to have a friend who every time she liked someone, she would talk to me about how she didn't think they would ever like her, she wasn't cool enough, she wasn't pretty enough, etc etc etc...and guess what? They never noticed her. I, on the other hand, would decide I liked someone and start talking to them. Start making an effort to spend time with them. Ask them to hang out. And did I get told no? Sure. But I also got a lot of yes's. And every time my friend would complain because I got noticed by guys and she didn't, I would tell her that I wasn't any more confident at first around the guys that I liked than she was-I just faked it until I made it. Even if you're feeling nervous or doubting yourself, just push it into the back of your mind and tell yourself not to worry about it. Pretend that you feel confident, and eventually, you won't have to pretend anymore.

    Look at it this way: If you wanted a job, really wanted it, would you apply, or would you tell yourself "nah...they probably wouldn't hire me, anyway"? If you want something, just go for it...
     
  24. becca
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    becca New Member Contributor

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    Any updates? Have you talked to her yet? How did it go?


    Are you just gonna leave us hanging?!
     

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