1. S7U4R7
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    S7U4R7 New Member

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    Should i have a semi colon in this sentence?

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by S7U4R7, Feb 28, 2010.

    When I entered the ward I immediately felt relaxed; there were plant pots in every corner that which contained thriving, green plants.

    Should it be two separate sentences?
    Thanks
     
  2. Evil Flamingo
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    Evil Flamingo Contributing Member Contributor

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    I see no reason why this shouldn't be two separate sentences.
     
  3. zaffy
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    zaffy Contributing Member

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    I am new to this grammar game, but this is how I would write it..

    There were pots of green plants in every corner of the ward. I immediately felt relaxed.

    No need to put 'thriving'.
    If the plants are described as green, rather than brown, the reader is able to get a feel of well being vegetation.
     
  4. jwatson
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    jwatson Active Member

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    You could even connect them with "because."

    Many people tend to just avoid the semi-colon (me). This looks like it could be done in two sentence, or even one.
     
  5. madhoca
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    madhoca Contributing Member Contributor

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    When I entered the ward I immediately felt relaxed; there were pots in every corner which contained thriving, green plants.

    The above is okay, unless you have thing against using semicolons. Don't repeat the 'plant(s)'.

    You could try:
    When I entered the ward I immediately felt relaxed because there were pots in every corner which contained thriving, green plants.

    Or, you could have two sentences:
    When I entered the ward I immediately felt relaxed. There were pots in every corner which contained thriving, green plants.

    It's really a matter of style. You also might like to think more about making every word you write really contribute something, for your writing to convey emotion and atmosphere. At the moment, it is factual, very 'tell' over 'show', and not particularly engaging IMO.
     
  6. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Yes, separate sentences are best, but connecting them with because, as jwatson suggested, is also fine.

    You should avoid using semicolons in fiction for the most part. They are nearly always a poor compromise between fully separating sentences with a full stop and joining them with a conjunction.
     
  7. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    ditto what cog said...

    and 'that which' makes no sense... in fact, the whole thing really needs to be reworded... here's just one way to make better sense and make it a better read:

     
  8. architectus
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    architectus Banned

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    I agree with madhoca. Think of a way to show how the atmosphere relaxed you instead of telling us.
     

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