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  1. GuardianWynn
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    GuardianWynn Contributing Member Contributor

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    Showing something the POV missed?

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by GuardianWynn, Nov 7, 2015.

    So, there is a premise I have noticed in some of my early writing. That I mentioned something that happens to the POV character but she doesn't realize it. And I pretty much state it like that.

    Like

    She didn't notice that familiar red flicker return to her eyes.

    I am wondering. How can I show that without breaking the POV? Since the idea is when she is stressed out, the flicker happens. Many times she realizes it, but on a few occassions she doesn't. I look at those scenes and I really like it, as it seems to give creepy tone to it. Since the flicker is like her demon trying to break through. Or at least that is what a reader would think. Yet how to show that when the point is the POV doesn't know.

    In this case too, others can't point it out. The idea is she doesn't know and in some cases is alone when it happens. Any thoughts?

    Tagging people who are awesome! Or whom I suspect might have good thoughts!
    @Simpson17866
    @jannert
    @ChickenFreak
    @Lea`Brooks



    Oh Ps is word mechanic the right spot? If not. I am sorry! :cry:
     
  2. A.M.P.
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    A.M.P. People Buy My Books for the Bio Photo Supporter Contributor

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    The only way to show that something was missed that I know of is to have the character feel something, like your spidey-senses tingling.
    Kind of like when you catch something in the corner of your eye but nothing is there when you look or that feeling of being watched or thinking your name had been called that makes you turn around.
    Because if you didn't experience it and your mind didn't play a trick on you, then there is no way, from a character's PoV, for it to be mentioned directly.
    It would then need to be something in hindsight or something that gave them pause like something was amiss.
     
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  3. Kalleth Bright-Talon
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    Kalleth Bright-Talon Member

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    If you wanted to show something happening to a POV character, without the POV character noticing, and without having a character react to the POV character's occurrence.... There's only a couple options I can think of. One would be 3rd Omniscient POV, which would let you do things like that. However I'm guessing you don't want to rewrite your whole project and you had this problem to begin with so... Perhaps, you could link this eye flicker to another action of theirs. So she does notice this other action but at the time of this occurrence she doesn't realize that it's linked to her eye flicker. Would that work? Just an idea.
     
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  4. GuardianWynn
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    GuardianWynn Contributing Member Contributor

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    I could express this change by showing the other changes that happen but I want to make a point and connecting that these are related. So my worry is if I show them independantly too often I will lose the connection. In her case. The mai difference in her magic when flickering is the intensity. Think of her magic like a fire.

    Non-focused or normal is like a camp fire. When her eyes flicker it is like all the heat from the fire turning into a laser. Which increases her abilities nearly double. To the point that if she was lifting a car or trying too. It could easily go from nothing happening to her flipping the car on its side the moment the flicker happens. Increased force is pretty much all the flicker gives her, at least at this time and in this story.
     
  5. GingerCoffee
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    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

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    "Did I see that flicker? No, I'm seeing things. Too much coffee."

    You need to look at what the point is in having the reader see the flicker when the protagonist doesn't. It's your goal that will guide your writing.
     
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  6. GuardianWynn
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    GuardianWynn Contributing Member Contributor

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    Thinking about it.

    The MC mistakingly links the flicker to her second soul. Which is a mislead I want to drive in. So, I suppose the premise is like a wink to the audience that it is a more urgent problem than the MC realizes as she thinks the flicker accured like 3 times when it has actually accured like 6 times.

    Thinking about it. The flicker would likely cause the MC to panic any time she sees it. Which might not be bad, but I think that is why I am trying to avoid it. So she does more than panic, and to instead get the reader panicing. Maybe. If that makes sense?

    Not sure if I am making sense anymore. lol
     
  7. jannert
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    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    Somebody else could see it and mention it?
     
  8. GuardianWynn
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    GuardianWynn Contributing Member Contributor

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    But the point is the POV never becomes aware of it. lol.

    Comparing it to a movie, it would be like. If the camera lingered on a room showing us that the character had forgot there phone. The point is the main character doesn't know that. Right?
     
  9. jannert
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    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    Well, if you keep working on it, you'll find a way, I'm sure. Writing is filled with these tricky little perspective problems. I know. I've had to wrestle with many myself. The fun comes when you suddenly say "OH, THAT'S the way I can do this!" It all comes with time and practice.

    You might try googling the general topic of POV, though. I'm sure there's advice out there that you could apply.
     
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  10. Lifeline
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    Lifeline The Dark - not in Wonderland Supporter Contributor

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    For me that would be point to watch out for, writing from close POV as I do. Include that to which the other characters would react, omit what they don't see/feel.

    But maybe you're writing from a really distant perspective, as in your whole setting and characters are set at a one remote. In that kind of mode you could describe anything which you want to include.
     
  11. OurJud
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    OurJud Contributing Member Contributor

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    I'll not bother then.

    Top tip: Only tag people if the post is addressing them directly. Doing what you've done here is like saying "... everyone else can go away because I don't value your input anyway."
     
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  12. Lifeline
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    Lifeline The Dark - not in Wonderland Supporter Contributor

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    Sorry hit the wrong button, but.. @OurJud is probably right. I didn't want to say anything but it is a bit disconcerting.
     
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  13. GuardianWynn
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    GuardianWynn Contributing Member Contributor

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    But I tag people a lot! :cry: it is a forum. lol. I expect general feedback. If I only wanted there feedback I would have private messaged them. I was not saying. I only want there feedback. I was saying shouting to them, since otherwise they may have never even seen the thread. Which is probably me being paranoid.

    Point being, me saying I suspect they might have an good idea is not the same as saying they are the only ones who can have a good idea. lol
     
  14. Lifeline
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    Lifeline The Dark - not in Wonderland Supporter Contributor

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    That would probably be a good idea for the Mods to say how they regard etiquette here. I also got it a bit in the wrong pipe ;)
     
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  15. GuardianWynn
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    GuardianWynn Contributing Member Contributor

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    Bit in the wrong pipe?
     
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  16. Lifeline
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    Lifeline The Dark - not in Wonderland Supporter Contributor

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    No you are not a vampire ;)
     
  17. GuardianWynn
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    GuardianWynn Contributing Member Contributor

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    I am confused. lol
     
  18. Lifeline
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    Lifeline The Dark - not in Wonderland Supporter Contributor

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    *aehm* was playing around with words, correctly it should have been 'down the wrong pipe' or 'bit in the ass'. 'bit in the pipe' reminded me of bloodsucking vampires who always bite into the neck/throat.

    But I guess that was a bit too convoluted, sorry :)
     
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  19. GuardianWynn
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    GuardianWynn Contributing Member Contributor

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    No need. I can be a bit dense. :)

    Did you have anything on the topic you wanted to add? I always welcome any opinion. :)
     
  20. Lifeline
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    Lifeline The Dark - not in Wonderland Supporter Contributor

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    Oh I can do that too, when loving my own 'cleverness' too much :rolleyes:

    Let me read the thread again, I'm no longer sure what all has been said already. There were a lot of posts in the meantime.
     
  21. GuardianWynn
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    GuardianWynn Contributing Member Contributor

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    I would say you don't have to read the other posts. Just the main one. Reading the other posts can prevent you from repeating what someone else has said. But if all you feel like reading is the opening post. I understand. :D And if you repeat what someone else has said, you are still in a sense giving useful information as you are echoing that more than one person felt that way. :D
     
  22. peachalulu
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    peachalulu Contributing Member Reviewer Contributor

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    It should only be mentioned if it has an apparent reaction - i.e. she didn't realize the red flicker returned to her eyes. No wonder the waiter was doing a double take. - Or something.
    If it doesn't matter to anyone that the flicker has returned then don't mention it. It's like a woman who comes home to discover she's gone to a business meeting with a ladder in her stocking. It only matters because of the impression she was trying to make. If she was running to the supermarket who cares.
     
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  23. Lifeline
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    Lifeline The Dark - not in Wonderland Supporter Contributor

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    *aehm* I think I am just a tiny bit too focused just now (been writing in between replying on my story), or maybe a bit absentminded :rolleyes:. Look further up, I about summed up my opinion already :)
     
  24. GuardianWynn
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    GuardianWynn Contributing Member Contributor

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    Yeah, I think you hit it right.

    Though, everyone sort of touched on it. Which is me just not understanding that some things that work in TV(like showing the audience something no POV sees) just don't work in a book. Because a book is more personal and a lack of personal connection is just going to make the scene weak.

    Or at least that is what I am currently thinking. Maybe I learned something new. Yay! :D
     
  25. ChickenFreak
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    Random thoughts, none of them a full solution:

    - You could change the clue to something that she can theoretically perceive, but she doesn't perceive the significance. For example, when I'm going to get a migraine, I get visual disturbances that I at first think are due to sticky sleepy eyes, or dirty glasses, or a dirty computer screen, or the light in the room. For some reason, it takes me a while to figure out what it really is. This would require some setup--the reader would have to realize that when she's polishing her glasses repeatedly, that's what that means.

    - Almost the same thing--you could accompany the flickering eyes with something perceptible. Maybe her eyes flicker AND she gets like a migraine visual aura, or maybe her eyes water, or her face feels hot, or something. This would, again, require some setup.

    - Someone could see the flickering and react.

    ... OK, that's all I've got.
     
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