1. Kincaid
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    Kincaid Senior Member

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    Sins of the Father

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Kincaid, Mar 29, 2007.

    I would like to just get a few honest options on this…without starting arguments.

    I can only think of two peers I’ve met in my entire life who actually had a good father in their lives. The overwhelming majority either didn’t have a father present, or if they did…they hated his guts (which was the case with me).

    I just can’t help but to wonder what it is that started, and continues this cycle. Any thought?
     
  2. Ferret
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    Ferret Contributing Member

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    Depends on where you live. If you live in area riddle with teen pregnancies, crime, or other things we throw into that kind of group (Poor, young, parents living in a bad area). The dad just might skip out....
     
  3. wordwizard
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    wordwizard Contributing Member

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    uhm well i didnt really have my dad to present in my life and i fit into the poor group. so that makes sense....he was always really nice and whatnot and i really do like him. so who knows where i fit in. It also depends on what their father was like i believe because my bf is an AMAZING father and he had a awesome dad too and they strive to be like that as well.?? hope this helps.
     
  4. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    Well I have a great father in my life, a bit over protective but a great father for sure.
    he has always provided for our family no matter what and actually broke a disc in his back getting wood to keep us all warm when I was only 5 yrs old.
    I never really had a relationship with him until I moved out of home though and he can be unbearable at times. But so can we all.
    I guess it really depends on the individual person, but i have noticed that all children learn from the people that they grow up around and in some way their personality later on in life reflects those of the people that they were around as a child.
    Others learn from the mistakes that they have seen people make and go out of their way to make sure they don't make the same mistakes.
    At the end of the day family is family and you only ever get one family so you have to make the most of what you have. If you have a bad relationship with one member of your family, well you just have to remember that somewhere deep down inside they really do love you in there own unique way, family is forever you can't change that.

    (I hope my post does not offend anyone)
     
  5. Crazy Ivan
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    Crazy Ivan Contributing Member

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    My father is gone half of the time (Not divorced- he's an air force pilot) but that's just perfect for me, because honestly, what teenager needs their parent all the time? It gives me just enough room to move around. And when he is here, he's great. He's funny and nice and stern and smart and strict and easygoing and everything a dad should be. Half of the kids I know have divorced parents, which makes me feel kind of guilty, but they still like their dads. I really don't know what you're talking about.
     
  6. Kincaid
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    Kincaid Senior Member

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    Hmmm, Ivan. I guess Ferret might be on to something by stating that the environment might be an influence. I was in the Air Force for seven years, met a lot of pilots, and all of them seemed like pretty well-rounded, educated men. They most definitely have money. So I imagine that you’re not poor, and that you and most of the people who you know live in a fairly good environment.

    Not saying that I know you. I’m just going off of the environment theory.

    I grew up in a pretty bad neiborhood full of hate, so that’s probably why we can’t relate on this issue. Thanks for the comments.
     
  7. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    as noted, a lot depends on where you live... and what 'social' stratum your family fit in... as well as when...

    i'm 68 and had a great father... he and i were best friends and 'mind-mates'... i was much closer to him than i was to my mother... and he was closer to me, than to any of my 3 sisters [1 older, 2 younger]... we had interests and intellects in common, which i'm sure was the cause... he loved my mother to his dying day and, though handsome and charming [a near clone of douglas fairbanks, jr or clark gable], to my knowledge never looked seriously at another woman...

    jump ahead to my kids and their fathers [2 divorced husbands] and the picture is not so lovely... neither one took any real interest in their children and were mostly too harsh and critical, not supportive at all, when most needed...

    our social levels prove that environment isn't the only deciding factor, as i was raised in a white, middle class family in suburban settings... as were my first 5 kids, till they were about 9-13... then they and the last 2 had the benefits of a wealthy, privileged environment...

    so, though the economic surroundings were similar to better, i had a good father, way back in the late 30s-50s... and my kids had two not-so-good ones in the 50s-90s...

    go figure!
     
  8. SeaBreeze
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    SeaBreeze Banned

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    I never used to like my dad when I was younger. World War Three would break out if he asked, sorry, told me to do the dishes. I didn't like him most of the time but then I grew up and realised that he is a person as well. He's a great bloke that I can have fun with, take the piss out of each other and even go down to the pub and have a drink and a chat with. He helped me get through my depression a lot and without him letting me stay with him (he works at a vinyard in another town) I don't know what I would of done. He supported me when I felt like I wasn't being supported. So for me, I love my dad. And I guess that makes me luckier than most. :)
     
  9. Banzai
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    Banzai One-time Mod, but on the road to recovery Contributor

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    I think Ferret has probably got it completely right; I think it's all down to where you live. Fortunately I have always lived in fairly well off areas, and the majority of my friends have had very good families and fathers (God knows I have). But I've noticed that since I've moved to a better-off (personal opinion) down south, I have noticed that in my new friends there is a much lower rate of broken or dysfunctional families, than there were with my old friends in Warrington. I'm not saying it's an all encompassing rule, but it does seem to be a trend that the better off areas have more functional families. It's probably due to the lack of extra stress from monetary problems, which can negatively affect the atmosphere of the family unit- particularly the father, due to the stereotypical 'provider' role placing the responsibility mostly on him.

    But I have a very good father, who I don't always agree with, but most of the time I get on fine with him. I hope one day, that I will also be a passable father, but time will tell :p
     
  10. Renos
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    Renos Member

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    my father is...well he's great at times. It's complicated...he's great and fun when my little bro isn't around but as soon as my brother shows his face he's a real ass hole. I hope who ever i marry is a good father....heh
     
  11. Sayso
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    Sayso Contributing Member

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    I live in a poorish area of the county and yet grew up with a wonderful father. There weren't many kids around that I knew of that were in single parent families either.
     
  12. Corleone
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    My father is amazing. He gets angry, like all fathers, but he has never hit any of us and we have fun. Now that I'm older and I can have a real person to person conversation with my parents, I also realise he's a nice guy that I like as well as love as a dad.
    My uncle who was adopted has a had a bit of troble recently with things I can't get into, but anyway, my father has been very supportive of him and unlike his other brothers, still lets me see uncle Sonny! He's my favourite uncle!

    I guess it depends how the men was raised, where he grew up, the circumstances of the pregnancy, that decide whether the fella does a runner or not.
     
  13. Alice in Wonderland
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    Alice in Wonderland Contributing Member

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    I love my dad so much I can't even begin to explain! As a kid we used to fight quite a bit but since him moving out we've become a lot closer.

    We go to concerts together, hang around and drink coffee, he's always a great laugh!

    One time when there was a powercut in his road we broke out a guitar and made up songs. xD

    Now I've moved out we'll see less of each other, but that will never stop us from getting together as if nothing had changed.
     
  14. Frost
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    Frost Contributing Member

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    Me and my dad are tight. ****, I even drink with him occasionally. It's a great relationship. I have no complaints.
     

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