1. Justin Rocket 2
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    Justin Rocket 2 Contributing Member

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    Social advice

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Justin Rocket 2, Jun 5, 2016.

    Please advise me.

    There is a couple who were co-worker of mine. I like them both and, it turns out, they now live in the same city I live in (which is remarkable since, when we were co-workers, we lived five hundred miles from here). I consider them friends. Whenever we've had the chance to get together (typically grabbing dinner and then going to a movie), I believe everyone has had a good time.

    However, there is one thing that I find irritating. Whenever we've gotten together of late, it is because I've sent them an invite. They've never sent an invite to me.

    Should I just write them off? Or, how can I bring this up and mention how much it irritates me?
     
  2. Cave Troll
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    Cave Troll Bite the bullet, do your own thing. Contributor

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    Well this is a tough one. I would say just keep in loose contact for a while and don't let it eat at you. If you all really are friends, then things will work out. So just keep in touch and see how things play out, but in the mean time consider finding others to befriend or a partner to date (could take your mind off of them not being responsive). Or if you really are that (and I apologize up front for this, but I mean well) upset and fed up with having to initiate every get together with them, then you can take the asshole play of blowing them off or at length explaining that what they are doing grates on you. (And I am not an expert on such matters, but I have close friends that I don't speak with for long periods of time.)

    So what you ultimately need to do is to sit down and figure out for yourself if these individuals are something you want in your life, or not. No one else can tell you what is in your best interests, because well it is your life.
    Good luck, and I hope you get sorted out with yourself.:supersmile:
     
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  3. Brindy
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    Brindy Contributing Member Supporter

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    I find some people are organisers and others are not. I am an organiser and have similar friends to this, but we have great times together when we do meet and I made the decision long ago to not let it bother me. What I do try to do is agree when next to meet before we leave the current dinner/drinks etc, and get it into our schedules. That way I don't feel it's always down to me to organise.
     
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  4. Lea`Brooks
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    Lea`Brooks Contributing Member Contributor

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    As someone who never invites people anywhere, I say cut them some slack. If you're inviting them out and they're showing up (meaning, not blowing you off), then it doesn't appear they don't want to be around you. As Brindy said, some people are organizers and some aren't. They likely aren't.
     
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  5. jrs7285
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    jrs7285 Member

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    I agree with Brindy and Lea. I never play outings, but I do enjoy getting together with friends when the opportunities strike. :)
     
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  6. Malisky
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    Malisky Fuzz Overdriver Contributor

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    Maybe because what you have been doing so far is not so... bonding like. From what I understand, you like them and want to connect with them in a more intimate way. See where that goes. I guess you want to get to know them better, feel more free with them but you feel that your interactions so far have been way too polite and stereotypical. Only way around it, is to change something next time you get to meet. Do something more interesting and personal. Express yourself more. If they don't like it then you'll come to a solution much sooner. I have a friend in Denmark that has the same problem. I think (from what I've learned from her) that it's mostly a thing about breaking the ice. If you meet every time you invite them it means that they are also willing. Maybe you should be the one breaking the ice.
     
  7. A man called Valance
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    A man called Valance Active Member

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    Me, I'd move on but if it bothers you that much, bring it up in ho-ho jocular fashion and see what reaction you get.
     

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