1. FantasyWitch
    Offline

    FantasyWitch Contributing Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2008
    Messages:
    403
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Scotland

    Sorry I just have to get this off my chest

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by FantasyWitch, Jul 1, 2008.

    gggggggggggggseio;qGKOJDFKOPGJODHGKFOU NYIPJRGKOJR EGJGJRAIGH 'TRGUJIORL

    Ok I feel a bit better.

    My friend (whom I love to bits) just came out and told her parents she is a lesbian because she needed confort. Her and her girlfriend of 2 year just split up and she needed a hug off her mum. But what did her stupid catholic parents do?

    Shout, swear then lock her inn her bedroom without her phone. She can get on the internet but that is about it.
    How dare any parent do that to their child for something that is just who they are?!
    It's like disowning your kid for having a mole!

    bitches...
     
  2. Rumpole40k
    Offline

    Rumpole40k Banned

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2008
    Messages:
    7,290
    Likes Received:
    54
    Location:
    Paradise City, Street of the Gods
    Hmmmm .... that can't be easy Fantasy. Sorry for your friend.
     
  3. FantasyWitch
    Offline

    FantasyWitch Contributing Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2008
    Messages:
    403
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Scotland
    Oh and she just told me the worst of it. Unless she admits she is just begging for attention then they are oing to stop payng her for college. That effectivly stops her dreams.
     
  4. Rumpole40k
    Offline

    Rumpole40k Banned

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2008
    Messages:
    7,290
    Likes Received:
    54
    Location:
    Paradise City, Street of the Gods
    This is exactly why my wife and I discussed how we would handle this if it came up. Reactionary decisions are never good ones.
     
  5. Serendipity666
    Offline

    Serendipity666 Member

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2008
    Messages:
    71
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Australia
    usually id have ALOT to say about this..but after the day ive had, im just gonna go ahead and say.......some people dont deserve to have children
     
    1 person likes this.
  6. Rumpole40k
    Offline

    Rumpole40k Banned

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2008
    Messages:
    7,290
    Likes Received:
    54
    Location:
    Paradise City, Street of the Gods

    FYI - He's my son. I'd love him no matter what. Ya know .... in case you wuz wonderin'
     
  7. FantasyWitch
    Offline

    FantasyWitch Contributing Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2008
    Messages:
    403
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Scotland
    You just repeated yourself.

    What makes it all the worse is the parents know that I'm bi, that er other mate is gay anf they love us to bits. We rock according to them. But NOOO cause it's there little Kelly its sinful
     
  8. Maxie Boi
    Offline

    Maxie Boi Member

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2008
    Messages:
    71
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Above Heaven, but Below Hell.
    I have a friend who was in a similar situation...her parents would not let her do anything because she said she was a lesbian...So, she lied and said it was just a phase.

    I would suggest your friend do the same, and never go to them for comfort again. After college, tell them the truth, if she wants to.

    Just my $.02
     
  9. Shadow Dragon
    Offline

    Shadow Dragon Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2008
    Messages:
    3,483
    Likes Received:
    26
    Location:
    In the land of the gods
    Its too bad more parents aren't like you Rumpole. Unfortunately Fantasy's friend's parent represent the reaction that most parents have. In a way her friend is kind of lucky, some parents send there kid to a church run rehabilitation center to try to cure their kid of being gay.
     
  10. Cogito
    Offline

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 19, 2007
    Messages:
    35,935
    Likes Received:
    2,043
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    I'm glad to hear that the parents are such good Christians, practicing love and tolerance and forgiveness. Your friend should be honored to to have such fine role models, and I am gratified that they offered the choice of a comfortable lie as a way out of an awful moral dilemna.

    Blessed are they who proudly raise the red banner of bigotry.
     
  11. FantasyWitch
    Offline

    FantasyWitch Contributing Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2008
    Messages:
    403
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Scotland
    Umm my parents and all my other bisexual/gay mates parents were ok... just to say!
     
  12. Raven
    Offline

    Raven Banned

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2006
    Messages:
    9,755
    Likes Received:
    68
    Location:
    The NetherWorld
    Fantasy some folk are like that. And the truth is theres nothing that can be done to alter the way they see things or think.

    I'd like to think I'd handle it better. You see the way I look at my kids is as long as they are healthy and happy I'm happy. Our children are our future without them we are nothing. My opinion would never change but thats just me. Some folk are so far up there that they can't see the goodness from a child still breathing. And beleive me some of the places I've been. I wish people would see things differently but alas thats not going to happen in our life time.

    However your friend will leave home soon enough and then she'll be able to make her own decisions without worry of been locked away. ;)



    ~Raven.
    Senior Super Moderator.
     
  13. Wreybies
    Offline

    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 1, 2008
    Messages:
    18,834
    Likes Received:
    10,013
    Location:
    Puerto Rico
    This is going to be a process for your friend and her parents. Whole books have been written on this subject, from every point of view. The fact is that the reaction that your friend’s parents are having is pretty natural. It comes from a need to protect, not just your friend, but also the image and definition they have of their daughter.

    Trust me, I went through this with traditional, Latino, military parents.

    They will calm down.

    The situation will drop a level or two in volume, and then other things will kick into gear. What seems like them being angry and fascist is going to change into them feeling guilty and culpable for their daughter being a lesbian. That is also natural. Most parents find out (or accept the fact) that their child is gay when the child is in their teens. This means that the parents have had fifteen, sixteen, seventeen years and often much, much more to create all the hopes and dreams that they want for their child.

    Having hopes and dreams for your child is good parenting.

    With one statement, those hopes and dreams are swept aside. For the moment, anyway.

    The parents can’t see past the fact that the child is gay and they have all the images that the media has imposed upon them and fed them about what it means to be gay and they don’t know who to listen to, their priest, their friends, Oprah. It is a time of confusion.

    When the dust settles a little bit, instead of being crazy angry at the parents, you, as a friend can be a big part of helping this family. Don’t let yourself get involved in too many philosophical conversations, don’t debate the subject, and don’t fight with them. Just show your support. Show them that tomorrow will be just like yesterday, nothing has changed. Show them; don’t tell them, that your friend is still your friend, and that her being a lesbian is neither here nor there.

    When her parents see that all of the things they have hoped and dreamed for their daughter are still absolutely possible, then they will begin to truly relax and come to terms with this new facet of their child.

    Right now, the reaction you see from them is fear. Show them that the fear is unfounded.
     
  14. Lucy E.
    Offline

    Lucy E. Contributing Member

    Joined:
    May 25, 2008
    Messages:
    898
    Likes Received:
    4
    Aw, Fantasy, I feel so bad for your friend.
    Things like this drive me up the wall.
    What the heck happened to loving and accepting people for who they are? Society nowadays has put so much pressure on people who are 'different'. I don't believe they're different, because we're all different. What's so bad about preferring girls over boys? Jeez, you can't help who you fall in love with! Another thing that absolutely baffles me is this: Why is calling someone 'gay' an insult? Wth?! We're all different in one way or another, so I don't get all this homophobia that's catching like a ruddy bug!
    Unbelievable!
    (Sorry about the rant...*cough*)
     
  15. ChimmyBear
    Offline

    ChimmyBear Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2008
    Messages:
    2,219
    Likes Received:
    47
    Location:
    In the arms of the man I love at home in NC.
    When my brother came out he was 19 and it was only because he was sick...and afraid he might have aids.
    He did test positive for HIV...I wish he had come out before the HIV test results, but he was afraid of the same fate...being turned out of the family. Of course, that did not happen. My mom was disappointed, but she wasn't angry and she never mistreated him. In my heart, I always knew my brother was gay, I just did.
    I think if anything, the situation with David has made my family stronger.

    I hope your friend the best...and I am sorry for her situation, but this does happen unfortunately more often than people would think.
    Ignorance and hate is a sad condition that leaves the heart terminally cold and dark.
     
  16. Torana
    Offline

    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    9,659
    Likes Received:
    128
    I can understand her parents freaking out. It would be a major shock to the system. But at the same time, the way they reacted was disgraceful that is for sure.

    I am very sorry that your friends parents were so quick to show her how far their love was able to go. My only hope is that she has the support and help from her friends. For I know that even with an apology from her parents for their actions, it is always going to hurt her.

    You are a wonderful person for caring so much about the well being of yor friend. She is lucky to have someone so understanding and supportive to be there for her. It is a pity that her parents could not be there for her in the way she needs them to be at this present time.

    What ever their reasons, she is their daughter and when it comes to your children, you should never turn your back on them. You are meant to love your children, unconditionally, support them throughout their lives and always, always, show them that you love them and care about them. One day they will see that what they did and said to her was their biggest mistake. Because she will hold this hurt in for the rest of her life and what they don't realise is that they may just be at that point in time where they are going to lose their daughters love and respect.

    I pray that they see sense and are able to sit and comfort her, and have a talk with her.
     
    1 person likes this.
  17. Lemex
    Offline

    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2007
    Messages:
    10,507
    Likes Received:
    3,151
    Location:
    Northeast England
    The same things happened to my friend ... so she just walked out the house and slept in an over at another friends place. Then the parents started calling her, with 'sorry.'

    Proves you have to stand up to bullys, even if they ARE your perants.

    But, not everyone has the guts to do so.
     
  18. Wreybies
    Offline

    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 1, 2008
    Messages:
    18,834
    Likes Received:
    10,013
    Location:
    Puerto Rico
    I’m really sorry, and I don’t want to trash anyone’s opinion about what is going on with FW’s friend and the reaction that the parents are having to the news that their daughter is a lesbian, but…

    I would caution any advice that sounds in anyway antagonistic toward the parents. Given that the parents are accepting of gay and lesbian friends, I really do not think this is a case of homophobia on the part of the parents. This is just parents being parents and being protective of their daughter.

    Could they have reacted better? Of course.

    But that is in the past.

    Fantasy, I would very much caution you about being confrontational on this issue with the parents. Don’t be angry, be supportive. Don’t be cheeky; be respectful of the fact that this is a family matter, no matter how it may look from the outside.

    Being confrontational is going to kick into gear some very heavy duty parental protective reactions that you are not going to like and that is going to worsen the situation.

    I went through this with my parents. So did my brother. Only two boys in the family, no other siblings, both gay. I haven’t the foggiest clue what it is to have a strait brother or sister. I do know, very well, what it means to deal with GLBT issues within a very traditional, old-school, family.
     
    1 person likes this.
  19. Cogito
    Offline

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 19, 2007
    Messages:
    35,935
    Likes Received:
    2,043
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    Very wise, Wrey.

    Confrontation doesn't often resolve conflicts - it perpetuates them. The moment someone starts arguing with you or challenging your long-held beliefs, your instinct is to get your back up, and fortify your opinions.

    My initial reaction to the parents was, "Narrow-minded dolts!" Well, something along those lines, but I have to obey content rules, so I'll leave my exact thoughts as an exercise to the reader. :)

    I still think they are narrow minded dolts. But telling them that will not help the situation one bit. It will probably exacerbate it.
     
  20. Rebekkamaria
    Offline

    Rebekkamaria Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2008
    Messages:
    158
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    La-la-land
    I agree with Wrey. :)

    I have great faith in people. If they accept you and your friends, they should be able to accept their own daughter sooner or later as well. Just be patient. *hugs*

    But I'm very sorry for your friend. It must be really tough for her, because she just lost the one she loves and now her parents aren't being parents to her. Support her through this phase. She'll remember it. Be strong for her.

    I hope everything works out for the best.
     
  21. Serendipity666
    Offline

    Serendipity666 Member

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2008
    Messages:
    71
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Australia
    three cheers for sexuality!!!!

    WHOOOOOOO!
    WHOOOOOOO!
    WHOOOOOOO!

    Ahem..my apologies..I have some gay/lesbian friends who have all..well not all but most of them have gone through the same thing, I myself am bisexual though i have happily settled down with my boyfriend. I have never told my parents that i like my tacos as well as my sausage but if the conversation ever arises I know they will be shocked for sure, but they will accept it, its just a shame that not all parents are so understanding.

    It is incredible how a parents attitude can change when faced with the reality of loosing a child, heres an example:

    My mother and I have never had a fantastic relationship, her and my father divorced and seperated when i was a toddler and my mother devoted the rest of her life trying to keep me away from my father by telling me all kinds of made up brutal stories about him to make me cut off contact with him...being a young teenager i believed every word she said and stopped talking to my father, now its been a good 6-7 years without him.
    Last year I moved into my own home in a different town, met a great guy who moved in with me..and my mother has completely flipped her biscuit, leaving threatening voicemails to my man on the home phone, calling my mobile and landline one after the other non stop and just being damn childish, see her family pushed her away lonmg ago because of her ways and i was the only one who had anything to do with her, so once i found happiness she couldnt stand it as she is completely miserable.

    So what does this have to do with anything??? Well::

    I phoned the police and asked them what they would advise us to do if mum and her boyfriend were to show up at our house like they were threatening to do, and I sent my mother one text message which said the following::

    *boyfriends name* has not been anywhere near my phone, I have only spoken the truth,you have been acting like a child and i dont appreciate the messages left for *boyfriends name*.Im sorry it has come to this but i have phoned the police and have been advised on what to do if the calls and messages dont stop. I love you mum, but you need to let me live my life,you have now pushed away your only child and the only member of your family who never pushed you away.please dont contact me again.

    And after days of harrasment and abuse I recieved the following

    sender:mum
    Ok, all i will say is that we love you and we are always here, bye.

    and i have enjoyed golden silence ever since.
     
  22. tarnished
    Offline

    tarnished Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    May 16, 2008
    Messages:
    616
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Boston
    Honestly, some people are just to narrow-minded to see a plain and simple truth:
    We're all human.
    No arbitrary distinction between male and femal fancies will make any difference about a person.
    Personally- Im not gay. But I am friends with many bi and gay people, and I see no difference in them than my straight friends.
    I won't get into my views of catholicism,err , disagreements, because Ill just get into arguments over religon.
    My advice is to just give it time, speak rationally and approach them in a non-confrontive manner.
     
  23. Kirby Tails
    Offline

    Kirby Tails Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2008
    Messages:
    64
    Likes Received:
    0
    Damn, that's horribly cruel...I'd be totally okay if I had a gay child...
     
  24. FantasyWitch
    Offline

    FantasyWitch Contributing Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2008
    Messages:
    403
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Scotland
    Wrey i promise I'm not going to go in killing parents, they have lost my respect BUT it isn't my place to shout and bawl. Its my mates.
    Besides, I have other things I could shout about. I'm not wasting my time on them.
     
  25. Raven
    Offline

    Raven Banned

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2006
    Messages:
    9,755
    Likes Received:
    68
    Location:
    The NetherWorld
    Well said.
     

Share This Page