I want to say something like "her heart beat accelerato when she saw the thin brown legs jutting from the shadows." Situation=finding the dead body of a friend. MC is a musician, so a musical reference would come to mind. This is early in the story before that's established, though. Too unusual? Pretentious? Grammatically problematic? What do you guys think?
I think it is novel, but would detract from the gravity of the situation just a bit. But that could also be a fun quirk to exploit on the characters behalf. Wow, first time I am conflicted on what to say. Hope the next person has something more insightful than I. Good Luck.
Grammar and meaning are fine by me, but I think I'd roll my eyes if I read that before you'd established her as a musician. If it were dropped afterwards, I might or might not be okay with it (assuming it's a close/deep third person narrative): if she's extremely into music and a bit obsessive/eccentric, I'd roll with it; if she's otherwise fairly 'normal', it would probably strike me as a bit pretentious - she'd only have to change a few letters and it would have the same meaning in standard (if boring) English, so why flash the jargon around?
