Hello everyone. I'm new at writing stories, but my friends all told me I am good at it, so they encouraged me to start writing in my spare time. So after writing short stories for a while, I decided to start writing a full-blown fantasy story. I wrote a few parts of it, but a friend of mine who reviewed it said that some parts "feel cramped. As if you're trying to tell too much at the same time. But maybe that's just me." Indeed, maybe that's just him. That's why I need some constructive criticism outside of the usual "It's good, now let me get back to whatever I was doing" I get. I-person is talking with his brother (Dawn) about a new person in town. “Sounds like a loveable character.” I commented. The sarcasm must have been clear enough. “Oh, he sure is. He's been here only three days and he has been burning through our ale stockpiles at a ridiculous rate. In fact, I bet we'll be out of beer by next month if he keeps up like this.” I attempted to get an apple once again. I cautiously got up, spread my arm out as far as I could and reached out for a big apple, not far above me. Or so I thought. I completely stretched out, but my fingers just barely touched the fruit. “Hey, watch out! You're going to-” I jumped and my hand completely enclosed around the apple. Then, as I landed, my foot slipped from the branch and slid along. My other foot did as well, but unfortunately at the other side of the branch. It felt like the power of a thousand gods struck me in the groin, and I fell like a ragdoll. Dawn quickly rolled out of the way as I slammed head-first into the ground below. It took a while to recuperate, but I managed to look up after a few seconds. Still, the pain in between my legs distracted me from the blood running down my nose. I rolled to the side, one hand holding my nose, the other one holding my crotch. I slowly opened my eyes. Dawn was sitting in front of me, eating what looked like a particularly juicy apple. Your thoughts? I don't quite see what's wrong with it. (apart from some minor grammatical errors, maybe.) In fact, feel free to point out anything else that might be wrong, but I'm trying to focus on the flow here.