1. josevelasco
    Offline

    josevelasco New Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2010
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0

    Storyline

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by josevelasco, May 1, 2010.

    Hi,

    Here is the storyline:

    Could you tell me what's wrong?

    (By the way, I've never been in an English speaking country, and English goes -for me- after Spanish and French. Please, try to be explicit with your critics.)
     
  2. Cogito
    Offline

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 19, 2007
    Messages:
    35,935
    Likes Received:
    2,043
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    A story concept means nothing. I can tell you now, it has been done before. What matters is how you write it, the characterization, the flow, the imagery, all of it.

    There's no benefit in asking what other people think of the concept! They'll either say,"Sounds great," or, "it sounds like a ripoff of..."

    If the idea stirs you, write it. Then ask people what they think of the final story. After they tell you what they don't like about it, revise it, usually several times, until you're happy with it or until you throw up your hands and say the hell with it.

    Please read this thread about What is Plot Creation and Development?
     
  3. mammamaia
    Offline

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2006
    Messages:
    19,316
    Likes Received:
    1,014
    Location:
    Coquille, Oregon
    as cog said, we can't tell if anything's wrong or not, till you write the book/script!
     
  4. josevelasco
    Offline

    josevelasco New Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2010
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks for the replies, no kidding. Nonetheless I will enjoy myself practicing a little bit of English.

    Did I ask about the concept?

    I’ve read Aristotle, so I can figure out that, by the rule of opposites, when I wrote about what’s wrong it came to your minds the idea of what’s right. And you wanted to help me find the path.

    As I pointed out, English is not my first language. Because I have a couple of diplomas that allow me to teach French, I am conscious of the difference between writing something that looks correct and writing something that feels right.

    Does the storyline feel right from the perspective of a native English speaker? (If it doesn`t I would like to know why.)
    --------

    Because this is a writing forum it seems redundant to point out that the storyline has some basic rules to follow:
    - Introduce the main character (the telepath)
    - Show the conflict (stoicism against metaphysics and emotions)
    - Introduce the milieu (lunar station, near future)
    - Be short (25 words)

    Are those rules respected?

    Do you know any other rules I should pay attention to?
    ---------

    I have been taught one difference between patronizing and educating is the knowledge transmitted. Could you be more specific when referring to stories about stoic telepaths living on lunar stations that have done before? Having the chance to read these stories can help me to avoid several mistakes.

    Again, thank you.
     
  5. marina
    Offline

    marina Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2008
    Messages:
    1,280
    Likes Received:
    55
    Location:
    Seattle
    Not sure what you mean by "tell me what's wrong". Okay, so I suppose you have a premise. Now go and write the story you have in mind. :)
     
  6. Cogito
    Offline

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 19, 2007
    Messages:
    35,935
    Likes Received:
    2,043
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    There is far, far more to writing than constructing a storyline. Of all the elements that comprise a story, the premise and the storyline are the least important.

    Whether the story has been done before is NOT the main point. The main point is that asking for an opinion on the premise or storyline is pointless.

    The most ingenious premise ever conceived will take you nowhere if you cannot write it well, and the most mundane premise can be written into an mesmerizing story in the hands of a master writer.
     
  7. ChickenFreak
    Offline

    ChickenFreak Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2010
    Messages:
    8,923
    Likes Received:
    5,458
    So you're not asking about the storyline, but asking whether you've expressed the storyline in the correct format for expressing storylines? I'm a little confused.

    But in any case, "a woman" doesn't work for me, without any additional associated information. It doesn't communicate significantly more than:

    A stoic telepath must solve the deaths in the lunar station through the metaphysical guidance of his sponsor and the emotional input of another person.

    Maybe if this were in French or Spanish, "a woman" would be assumed to be a romantic interest? If so, I think that you need to indicate this somehow. Or if she's a friend, a colleague, a stranger, any of those would communicate more than "a woman".

    ChickenFreak
     

Share This Page