I live with a gay man, who is also a very good friend. And I've slept over at gay friend's houses before. I've even kissed and made out with male friends. To me sexual orientation means absolutely nothing.
Um, why? Just because I saw them there doesn't mean I had a problem with them. Sorry if I implied otherwise. If it's a case of 'Oh, but you thought about it since you took the time to write about it' okay yes. Yes, I did. It doesn't mean I had a problem with them.
I live very near Madison, Wisconsin in a suburb. Most of the services my wife and I need are in Madison. The city is dominated by events and influences of Madison's liberal politics and the UW. I don't think you could conduct business, buy any license you name, or have a young barista make you coffee without interfacing with the gay community. You can change, and I'm proof of that. I would classify myself as Aryan when I moved here in 1968. I found that I made any differing group 'the enemy' despite the fact that they never did (or have) done anything to limit my access to freedom and the things I enjoy. Yes, the leaders of the gay movement are strident, and many of them profess an almost flaming persona to draw attention to their movement. But then, I wear black T-shirts 24/7 and represent my own phyla. I am not put upon, physically threatened, prevented from marrying the person of my choice or denied employment. In other words, their best most disruptive and slanted political actions bounce off me like tennis balls--there is nothing to be afraid of. They just want the same thing we all want--to live, to study, to work and to find a mate. I will admit that 'politcal correctness' is out of control here. I once proved that point when a person used the term 'bipolar.' I acted like the lefties, pretended to be outraged and informed the innocent person that the term 'bipolar' was a diagnosis, and privileged information between my doctor and I under HIPAA. I remarked that I am to be addressed as "synaptically challenged." People believe in that stuff. Because it's Madison, sooner or later I will hear some person use that phrase, and be dead serious.
I have many friends who are a part of the LGBT group and who are gay. Tell you the truth I cannot feel weird about it because I do not think about them any different than who they really are. One of my high school friends came out at a party where a girl tried to hook up with him. All of us were quiet for a moment and then cheered and went on with life. I was raised where if you are happy with your life and who you are and what you are doing then good for you and I am happy for you. (Now there is a fine line to doing something dangerous and harming yourself like drug abuse and etc etc. you get the point). In the end people are people, we are all the same just with different interests and personalities. mini true story: I felt weirded out when I was 19. My girlfriend Amanda** would always hang out with me and party with me and we would watch and protect each other when around guys. One day she came to my apartment and then came out of the closet and explained her feelings and everything. At the time I had a boyfriend and I thought she felt obligated to tell me how she felt. I was on the spotlight and I did not know what to tell her. I explained that it will not ruin our friendship and that telling me does not change anything. She ended up moving a week later and never speaking to me again. She was also dating my cousin and she took off. I look back on it and I cannot understand to why she was afraid or she felt like it was the right thing to do.
I've had both my mom and a good friend communicate with me while on a 12-step program. I thought it was odd, and essentially told them not to bother, I wasn't mad. About fifteen years ago I also had a conflict of conscience. I had lied about a few things, and made a list, and called everyone I felt I had offended. While I felt this behavior of mine was a great sin, most of the people made the counterintuitive statement, "Thank you for being honest about lying." People react differently in a crisis. What troubles you might bounce off me. It happens all of the time with my wife. She's a tender-hearted person and always thinks she's offending someone, even enemies and people who go out of their way to do her wrong. I've known and loved this woman for 40 years, and she still looks at me odd when I tell her to frak 'em. It's just not in her lexicon.
Yes, but would it not be equally awkward if a guy roommate expressed feelings toward you that you could not reciprocate?
I've known people who were gay over the years including family. It was never something I gave much thought to except when it's in the news. Now if someone hit on me I might have a problem if they were to aggressive about it but in my experience just a 'no, I'm not interested' has always been good enough. So, yes it's believable but the question is, to how many people, why do you care and why would it matter?
One benefit of all this gray hair is that you've seen people react in similar patterns. And the one pattern that is quite common is that some folks bristle when confronted by a differing opinion. Any variation in ideology is viewed as a repudiation of their intellect and decisions. For example, my father was stodgy, humorless engineer. And like most engineers, he figured that in any situation--including those he knew nothing about--his decision was the logical one, if only because he was an engineer. I think we had the same three or four fights my entire life--just thousands of times. If anger and logic didn't work, he'd write me a letter. If that didn't work he'd try and use guilt. The truth of the matter was that I didn't give a tinker's damn (funny, I am a tinker) what he did with his life. But my differing point of view was the cruelest insult he could imagine. The problem with guys like this is that if you give in only a little bit, they're on you like skunk scent for rest of your life. Same thing in forums. I'll re-state a position or clarify an answer a limited number of times. Then the real whiners start parsing words--like an engineer. It's legal, moral, healthy and protected by The Bill of Rights to hold any opinion you want. I give whiners and engineers that privilege, so it's about time they give the same courtesy to everyone else.
Well, me too. However, I do associate with other cutpurses, highwaymen and card sharps. One was the best man at my wedding...
Hey! I'm gay, AND I'm an engineer! (Really ... engineering is what I've been doing for the past twenty-five years.) Please draw the line somewhere else, like politicians!
You can assume I'm allows referring to things in a literary sense here, not social, unless noted otherwise. In this case why is she asking as an author. 1) Does she think her setting is so far out of the mainstream she'll lose too many readers. 2) Is it a matter of believability of the story or the readers. 3) Is it really such a large part of the plot or storyline that it would make a difference to the reader and/or story. Hey, What's this thing you have against engineers? Next you'll be telling you got something against being Irish too.
Understood. But my dad hated my music, the shows I watched and every stitch of clothing I ever wore. Whether it was art, literature, opinions, the society of that era or how I took out the trash, he had a negative opinion--unless he gave his consent from on high. And I believe that's how these people are. They might not like your book, but they don't like my bike, either.
A lot of that was being a dad. My dad didn't think to much of some of my music though he showed a certain level of tolerance. Luckily I have a wide range of taste. He loved Spike Jones and a lot of old stuff like that. Thing was I enjoyed that stuff too, so we had some connection we could share. Hell, I even like opera which few people today enjoy at all.
I think some people might have missed the "and the gay character is hopelessly in love with somebody else, so he never makes a pass at my MC" part. Why is it that when someone says gay everyone hears crazed gay sex addict who can't stop staring at your bulge while you're not looking and prowls at night waiting for victims to convert? What about a person in LOVE? I'm in love. Am I going to hit on everyone I can get my hands on because they happen to be the gender I'm attracted to? No, I don't even notice anyone but the person I'm hopelessly in love with. Anyone with a functional brain would know this, and would not be uncomfortable with the gay person. Also, "Oh, they're sleeping together. I know he's not gay yet, but maybe he's going to like being gay?" Please be joking... Your plot is completely realistic. Don't change it to fit some stereotypical and ignorant views. Unless of course it fits with your story.
And there's where I think the difference exists. It sounds like your dad tried to make inroads. In keeping with the ideas expressed by the OP, I think a guy who opposes a lifestyle, but understands it, is the correct course to take. People don't all fit clear-cut pigeon holes. There is bigotry. That's a factor. My dad was a micro-managing control freak, that's another factor. Some of the biggest problems gays face is that "they don't fit." Some people want to control society. To such control freaks, gays don't fit in the army, they don't fit in churches, they don't fit as roommates, they don't fit in our favorite saloons... This is the problem my dad had. Gays never hurt him. My friends never hurt him. The jeans I wore didn't fly out of the closet to strangle him. He had zero impetus to dislike most of society and the differing mores. But he couldn't control it, so he felt it must be destroyed. It got so I hated to see incoming mail with his handwriting, or hear his car pull up into my driveway. Now, I have to tell you, it's not that I'm on board with the mainstream of gay society. I see two guys kissing, and it freaks me out, or at least makes my skin crawl. But I'm not going to lift a finger to stop them.
Let's just say regardless of combination of personalities a level of good taste and courtesy should always be maintained. Unfortunately such things seem to be in short supply in modern times. Going beyond that would be discourteous to the op.
