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  1. Necromortis
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    Necromortis Member

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    Struggling With An Ending

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Necromortis, Jul 6, 2009.

    So I've recently decided to take a break from writing (or attempting to write) novel-length stories, and start writing more short stories. It's been a while since I've written anything at all, and I don't want to dive right back into novel-writing without getting my creativity flowing again. Plus, I always stagnate when writing novels, and I figure actually finishing something occasionally will be good for me *laughs*

    Anyway, I've got this story, but the ending is elusive. I finally came up with the ending last night after much brainstorming, but...I'm afraid it'd be a little anti-climactic.

    Now, I'm not in any way asking for anyone to write my ending for me, but if you guys wouldn't mind giving me your opinions on whether or not you'd be disappointed reading this story and then encountering this ending, I'd really appreciate it.

    Plot Breakdown:

    Mike's a pretty boring dude who lives in a very sleepy, small, semi-rural town. He's got a job and is saving up to move out of the town with his long-time girlfriend, who moved to the town relatively recently (two years or so before the story takes place) to be nearer to him. One day, Mike wakes up and at the foot of his bed finds a chest just sitting there, in which are two revolvers, a bolt-action rifle, a katana, and various holsters, sheaths, etc. The weapons are all almost unnaturally cool and have no dust or rust, despite looking as if they haven't been removed from the chest in a very long time. Understandably, Mike freaks out a little bit, closes the chest, and hides it under his bed, deciding to just forget about it and not open it again.

    Not long afterward, an economic depression hits the country and the small town Mike lives in gets caught up in the fervor. They blame all "newcomers" to the town (people who may have lived in the town 15 years, but weren't born and raised there) for their problems.

    Mike goes to pick his girlfriend up for a special dinner out, and finds her beaten to death in her apartment. Angry and shocked, Mike rushes home and without thinking grabs the first thing his body leads him to - the weapons in the trunk. After he grabs them, it seems as if the weapons start doing all the work - he realizes that he knows exactly how to use each one instinctively. Compelled by his anger and the weapons, he grabs a long trench-coat and a wide brimmed hat and becomes a vigilante on the street.

    He's unable to find his girlfriend's killers when he returns, so he begins to prowl the streets. A few nights later, he come upon four town "natives" about to rape another "newcomer." He kills the four men effortlessly and leaves without a word.

    A few nights later, the police surround him and arrest him for the death of his girlfriend because an eyewitness saw him enter the apartment with all the weapons, etc. The story would end with the police officer approaching him to put the cuffs on him.

    --------------

    Now, the last bit is what I'm having trouble with. Is that too sudden? Too much of a "what the hell?" moment? I was toying with having him arrested for the deaths of the other four men as well, but I'm unsure about that.

    So...comments/suggestions/answers?

    Thanks so much in advance,
    ~Christian
     
  2. Dcoin
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    Dcoin Contributing Member

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    It’s really hard to get a sense of it through a synopsis.

    Why not write it, with this ending, and then see what people think about it? The review room is great for ending experimentation.
     
  3. scarecrow119
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    scarecrow119 New Member

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    You could leave that some kind of info was left at the scene of mikes girlfriends death that he never tracked down and that comes up as he gets arrested. Maybe one of the officers or even the police chief has an undenyable bit of incrminating evidence. mike kinda been lost since his girlfriends death was just going around doing what he thought was right but now he has a purpose.
     
  4. UnknownBearing
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    UnknownBearing Contributing Member

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    did he actually kill her? his mysterious knowledge of how to wield these weapons might imply a life he didnt know about.

    if not, it's kind of ironic that he became a vigilante and then arrested for a murder he didnt even commit. not only that, it was the crime that caused him to become a vigilante.

    either way, seems like a great ending to a short story to me.
     
  5. Rumpole40k
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    Rumpole40k Banned

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    What if he's insane? Perhaps he believed that everyone was watching him. Maybe the town folks don't actually "blame the stanger", but in his twisted mind they do. His psychosis might even extend to the point he believes it is realistic that the townfolks could read his mind as well. Therefore, it would be entirely logical for the mc to pretend that he never saw the weapons before. He might even have placed the chest at the foot of his bed during one of the few moments when his "watchers" weren't paying attention. She might have been the reason he came to the town in the first place.

    Why did the girl have to die? She could have been the anti-christ, a monster in human skin, a human in monster's skin, whatever your mc's little mind can come up with.
     
  6. Necromortis
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    Necromortis Member

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    Thanks for all the comments guys. I'll give your suggestions some thought (I liked quite a few of them), and I guess I'll see where the story takes me in the end.

    Thanks again,
    ~Christian
     
  7. Anders Backlund
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    Anders Backlund Contributing Member

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    I'm going to be perfectly honest: this doesn't even sound like an ending. It sound like there's a lot more to this. There's a supernatural element that, judging from your outline, you don't seem to be addressing.

    Where did the weapons come from? Why did they end up in his room? What happens to them once he's arrested? And why do the ones born in the town start attacking people who've been around for years? I mean, sure, it's an economic depression, but isn't that just a bit extreme? Suspiciously extreme, even?

    These are questions your protagonist should at least try to answer over the course of the story.
     

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