I've been working on the first bits of a novel and am curious to see what you folks think I should continue this. It's not that I've hit a writer's block, I, again, and simply curious. And also, any criticism on what I have thus far is more than welcome. My writing, I believe, is good. Not like 10/10 good, more around the areas of perhaps 7.5/10. And if I suck, please say so; I promise I won't be offended. CHAPTER I: Frigid Waters “I have heard the languages of the apocalypse, and now I shall embrace the silence.” -Niel Gaiman The soft sounds of distant thunder reach his ears as he stands tall, his gloved hands clasped tightly behind his back and the tails of his long, dark coat waving gently in the breeze. Far below him, a massive and expansive valley stretches out and brushes against the mountainous horizon. All is dark, gray, and foggy. The movements of the mist reveal a long-dry riverbed that cuts the dark vast in half as it snakes from one end to the other. Underneath the glowing lenses of his mask, his eyes are restless as they dart about, peeking inside and out of the darkened rubble far beneath his feet, combing the mists and the monoliths for anything worthy of his attention. His endevour ends in failure, however, as nothing dangerous, interesting, or even remotely eye-catching even waves at his vision, much less siezes it. And so he goes somewhere else. He closes his eyes, blows the dams of his mind and allows the resulting flood of thoughts and memories pool and grow until they form an ocean, deep and vast. He tests the water - it is fridgid, as always - and he slides in. He descends and swims among the reefs and underwater weeds. He floats near the surface for a while and then dives down deeper, far into the bottomless pits and cravasses and abysses. He lets himself go. He comes close to drowning inside of his own mind. But he is pulled up from the crushing pressure of the heavy seawater by a sound; five long and hollow tolls. He opens his eyes once more and his ocean is drawn back to its place, the dams uncrumbling and rebuilding. The vale far below him is still there, though it is no longer so dark and dreary; the mountains on the other side are being gradualy overtaken by a slow-moving and massive rising sun. It is still quite dim.
I wish I could be more encouraging, but you're telling the reader what you see, not making them see it. But you're talking as if they can see it. In other words you're telling the story from your POV. The problem is that the reader doesn't know where we are in time and space or why we're there. They don't know whose skin they're wearing or what this person is trying to accomplish, and as a result, while you have context and the story makes sense, the reader is saying, "Huh?" instead of "Uh-huh." The problem isn't with the story, or with you. And it's not a matter of bad or good writing. It's that you're using nonfiction techniques and reporting the events and situation rather than making the reader share the experience with the protagonist. It's not a big deal and we all face the same problem when we begin writing, which is that we need a better understanding of the nuts and bolts issues, and how best to present our story. We focus, as you have here, on plot issues, and inform. But your reader wants to focus on emotional issues and be entertained. They look at events as something that must be reacted to and focus on the protagonist's reaction, desires, and intentions. But that's an area that, as the eternal narrator you're not covering. The short version: sure you can go on with it. Pretty much any idea can be made to work. But before you do I suggest you look into the basics of writing fiction, so you have a better understanding of your reader and what they react best to. In that, your local library's fiction writing section has a variety of books available. I'd suggest you look for Jack Bickham's name on the cover, but there are many good ones. They'll not only answer the questions you may have, they'll answer the ones you don't yet know you should be asking.
Is this all you have written? If so, I see no point in not continuing as long as you're still interested in it. The "how" part is also up to you. However, if you're bored of it, then move on and come back to it later. I'll have to second what Jay said though. Your fiction writing technique could use some touching up (heck, so could mine ha ha), but it's okay. Writing is a learning process, so study up! As for specifics about what you've written, I believe that should probably be reserved for the writing workshop. That's where all critiquing and particulars generally go down. But hey, if anyone gives you a full breakdown here, I won't complain. 'T is not my business. Good luck and keep writing.
